+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

---

DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends and welcome to episode 1244 of the Juicebox Podcast.

Today I'll be speaking with Melissa she has a 12 year old son named Anthony who has type one diabetes and she came on the show today because she feels like she might owe Anthony an apology. Please don't forget that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan or becoming bold with insulin. When you place your first order for ag one with my link, you'll get five free travel packs and a free year supply of vitamin D. Drink ag one.com/juice box. I know that Facebook has a bad reputation, but please give the private Facebook group for the Juicebox Podcast a healthy once over Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes. If you're a US resident who has type one diabetes or is the caregiver of someone with type one and a US resident please go to T one D exchange.org/juice. Box and complete the survey when you finish the survey you are helping to support type one diabetes research he won the exchange.org/juice box thank you so much.

This show is sponsored today by the glucagon that my daughter carries G voc hypo penne Find out more at G voc glucagon.com. Forward slash juicebox. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by ever since the ever since CGM is more convenient requiring only one sensor every six months. It offers more flexibility with its easy on Easy Off smart transmitter and allows you to take a break when needed ever since cgm.com/juicebox. Today's episode is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes, a company that's bringing together people who are redefining what it means to live with diabetes. Later in this episode, I'll be speaking with Mark, he was diagnosed with type one diabetes at 28. He's 47. Now he's going to tell you a little bit about his story. To hear more stories from the Medtronic champion community or to share your own story. Visit Medtronic diabetes.com/juice box and check out the Medtronic champion hashtag on social media.

Melissa 2:33
I'm Melissa. I am 43 years old and I'm a mom to two children. One of them my son, he is 12 and he is a type one diabetic.

Scott Benner 2:45
So your son is 12. He's got type one. How old was he? When he was diagnosed?

Melissa 2:49
He was right after his 11th birthday. Oh, this is pretty recent than last year. So like a year and a half. It was eight. He turned 11 in April. And then he was diagnosed may 2022. Was

Scott Benner 3:03
this complete surprise? Or is there a type one in your family? complete

Melissa 3:07
surprise. I had no idea. I think after listening to the podcast and hearing you talk to other people and ask them like Do you have any autoimmune in your family? Like I can go back to like my Nana, who always held our hands are kind of wham was like my hands and I can't I don't have any tears. I can't cry and they don't know what's wrong with me like those kinds of things. My dad has type two, and he has very severe psoriasis like kept him out of the army at the time psoriasis. So there's definitely autoimmune in the family. But no type one. Wow.

Scott Benner 3:39
Yeah, you gotta love fig. You found all of them like that. Was it interesting for you to pick through and go? No tears? Hold on a second. And like, Did you look into it? You go online.

Melissa 3:49
So we didn't. So my Nana and I were not close. So at the time, I just sort of like would roll my eyes at it. And it wasn't until Hearing you say that, that I was like, oh, wait a minute, that might have actually been a thing. Yeah. So just sort of put it in the autoimmune basket. Yeah, I

Scott Benner 4:06
don't know. Something. I never know if I pronounced it right. But so so drugs, so drugs, maybe s j o g r e n s, that's probably that.

Melissa 4:15
And I've never ever heard of that. So Ra

Scott Benner 4:17
probably right. You're you're describing with their hands. You think she might have had like our like, rice. Okay. Wow, okay. And wait, your father. What war did it keep him out of

Melissa 4:30
no war. He just wanted to join the army. So he's an identical twin. And right after high school him and his twin brother were going to join the army and his brother who, incidentally it's funny because they share all the same afflictions but he doesn't have psoriasis. And so his my dad psoriasis kept him out of the army. And my uncle went on to join

Scott Benner 4:49
the army. What year was that? You know, like, like, roughly though? Yep. So

Melissa 4:53
my dad graduated high school in 1977. Couldn't get in

Scott Benner 4:57
the Army in 77 because of dry skin. I must have been insane.

Melissa 5:01
Yeah, yeah. And he's gone through like, you know, different light treatments, different medications to try and he has it for the most part under control. He's on, I think humera for it. And so he'll look at, it's gonna be like, Oh, it's fine. I don't need this humera anymore, and then he'll have a flare up. And I'm like, yeah, that's how you stay on the humera.

Scott Benner 5:20
Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, that those injectables are are fairly new, but pretty impressive for what they accomplished so far. Okay. All right. Yeah. All right. So your son is 12. He's a type one for a year. Why are you on the podcast?

Melissa 5:34
I just really looking back after his diagnosis, couldn't believe, number one, how I gaslighted my own son. Like after the diagnosis, I'm divorced. And I'm remarried. And his father is also remarried. And it got to the point where I said, for the four of us, like we owe this kid a collective apology, because he has a little bit of anxiety. And every symptom could be explained away by either a growth spurt or a little bit of anxiety. And so it was important for me to really apologize to him because he had said, I think something's wrong. And maybe we should go to the doctor. And I'm like, Anthony, we've gone to the doctor about other things, and you're fine. And I think it's a growth spurt, or I think it's anxiety, I think it's really taking the time to be like, listen, we owe you an apology over the things that you said, were happening to your body. And I assumptions like, you're fine. And I also co parent drew diabetes with my ex husband and his wife. And you know, me and my husband are trying to figure it out our way and you're talking about four very different personalities and how you manage diabetes, with these four different personalities.

Scott Benner 6:42
A quick Google is anxiety, autoimmune. And anxiety disorder can be caused by multiple factors such as genetics, environmental stressors and medical conditions. New research also indicates that chronic anxiety symptoms that will not go away can be due to an autoimmune response triggered by common infections. I'm telling you, I am not a doctor. I'm not a researcher. I've been doing this podcast long enough. I don't think I've ever met somebody who has type one in their family who doesn't also start talking about oh, my sister, her sister's very anxious or my aunt was or like, I don't know, like, it just, it feels hard to ignore to me. You know?

Melissa 7:19
Like, that's totally reasonable and my whole like, there's a whole side of my family. I mean, we'll be choking and I'm like, who's got the out of band because I don't have mine. And we are

Scott Benner 7:30
that's just how we are. Finally this anxiety came through for your son and it got he was like, No, I'm I know something's wrong. Like it's almost like when people think someone's following them and then eventually they are you like Okay, your paranoia finally paid off. How long did that go on for were you just like Nah man, you're fine. If you take insulin or sulfonylureas you are at risk for your blood sugar going too low. You need a safety net when it matters most. Be ready with G voc hype open mind daughter carries G voc hypo pen everywhere she goes, because it's a ready to use rescue pen for treating very low blood sugar and people with diabetes ages two and above that I trust. Low blood sugar emergencies can happen unexpectedly and they demand quick action. Luckily, G vo Capo pen can be administered in two simple steps even by yourself in certain situations. Show those around you where you store G vo Capo pen and how to use it. They need to know how to use G Bo Capo pen before an emergency situation happens. Learn more about why G vo Kibo pen is in Ardens diabetes toolkit at G voc glucagon.com/juicebox. G voc shouldn't be used if you have a tumor in the gland on the top of your kidneys called a pheochromocytoma. Or if you have a tumor in your pancreas called an insulinoma. Visit je voc glucagon.com/risk For safety information.

Melissa 9:01
Oh just it was probably only like a week or 10 days. Like it wasn't as epically long amount of time. But he would wake up and say I peed the bed. And I would go into the bedroom. And I'm like your bed just isn't wet. So what I think is happening is like you're starting to pee a little bit and you're waking yourself up and you're going to the bathroom. And I think you're probably sleeping through it because you're going through a growth spurt. And you just It's fine. It's probably normal because you're not like wetting the bed. And he would get in the car and he's like, Well, I need to know how long this is going to take because I'm gonna have to use the bathroom. And I was like, buddy, this anxiety like whatever you have, because he hyper focuses on things right? And so you're like, you have now started focusing so much on needing to go to the bathroom that you're willing yourself to need to use the bathroom every 10 minutes.

Scott Benner 9:47
He's like, No, my pancreas isn't working.

Melissa 9:51
Like so there's this other thing and if you would just listen to me.

Scott Benner 9:54
Well also, I've only met like 412 year olds have ever known anything reasonable. So I mean I I Listen, I think you're being hard on yourself saying you guess, let the kid but I get your point. So well,

Melissa 10:04
I also wanted him to know like if there's something wrong, like I needed to do a better job of listening to him, like,

Scott Benner 10:10
you definitely owe them an apology but I don't think you're gaslighting him I think you were just going through, you know normal steps of problem solving and you know, for a busy person and time and you know him and all the other factors, given his anxiety and what you've seen in the past, it doesn't sound like you were just ignoring him. It just sounds like it took a took 10 days to get to it. That's not I'm like, that's bad. You

Melissa 10:36
know, and I mean, thankfully, you know, he got, he had gone to dance, he dances and he had gone to dance. And the dance teacher called me and was like, I think you should come pick him up, doing this weird kind of breathing. And thankfully, I was working from home because I have a salon studio at home as well. So I ran out, I was working, I was able to just leave my client for two seconds, pick him up from dance, put him in the living room, and I'm going to be right back, finished up my client. And I went and we just looked at each other. And he was breathing a little bit. And I just looked at him. And I said, Okay, I need you to go get a bag. We're going to the emergency room. And I looked at my husband and this is the weirdest thing. I looked at him and I said, he has diabetes, and we have to go to the emergency room.

Scott Benner 11:19
How did you know that?

Melissa 11:20
I have no idea.

Scott Benner 11:26
Showing off now, okay, I swear

Melissa 11:28
to God. I said, I don't even know what makes me think this there was a doctor's appointment, like, a couple of years before and I was like he's paying a lot. Could it be diabetes? And they checked the sugar? And they said, No, he's fine. And so I don't even know why it took me so long to get to that. He's been a lot. He has diabetes. But we just looked at each other. And I said, go get in a car. And yeah, he has diabetes. Well,

Scott Benner 11:51
the ping a lot thing. I mean, did your dad did that? Was that a thing that happened to your father was type two? No.

Melissa 11:58
So my dad is, you know, an Irish Catholics stoic kind of man. And I don't know that I would think he lives with me now. So he's been living with me since June. So now I would pick up on different things. But my dad, he would just like I'm fine. Don't worry about it. So I don't even know that I know leading up to it. What made him other than going to a routine appointment, and I'm saying you're a onesies. Hi, about

Scott Benner 12:23
that. Okay. All right. You by the way, the cool small respirations being picked up by a dance teacher. Well done. You

Melissa 12:29
know, whose husband is actually type one. But

Scott Benner 12:33
that's not what she saw. She just saw Hey, the kids breathing weird. I don't want him dying.

Melissa 12:37
Yes, the kids breathing weird. And he's having a hard time catching his breath. He doesn't seem sick. But he's having a hard time catching his breath. I think you should come get him.

Scott Benner 12:45
Wow. Okay, well, so see, you're giving yourself a problem. But you figured it out in 10 days.

Melissa 12:52
His sugar wasn't even he was in DKA, which was terrifying. Because we went to the doctor, we went to the emergency room and the doctor check that sugar and everything started moving really fast. Like everything in the room just started moving really fast. And he came in and he said, we called Boston med flight. And I was like, wait, I can't get on a helicopter what? And they said no, no, no, just the just the ambulance we need to do to get in town. Because he knew he looked at Anthony. He was great with Anthony. And he said, You are very sick. And we can't take care of you're here. But you're going to be okay. And they're going to take care of you in town. And I asked him to step out of the room. And I said I just I don't understand what's happening. Because is he in danger? You said he's very sick. And the doctor said, you know, he's gonna be okay, but you're about two days away from losing him. Wow. And I just will never forget that moment. I thought like, it was like, have you seen the TV like, everything got black around me and everything was shrinking around me. So obviously that was a very life changing day for all of us. And my ex husband made it to the hospital before the ambulance I was gonna go on the ambulance with my ex husband made it and I saw the look on my ex husband's face and I just had to grab him look at him and say Look at me. He's gonna be okay. But there's that moment where we know nothing about diabetes, but we were just hold we could have lost him in two days. Yeah,

Scott Benner 14:14
I remember being told that we did a good job getting to the hospital before Arden was in a coma that didn't feel like I did a good job by the way it felt Yeah, yeah.

Melissa 14:24
And it's like that's a sick to your stomach like the back of my jaw starts watering when I even tell the story like sick to my stomach Bolus.

Scott Benner 14:31
I've never heard anybody say the back of my jaw starts watering Yeah, you get like juicy

Melissa 14:35
jaw. When you start thinking about things that make you feel bad.

Scott Benner 14:39
You gotta be real careful. Your episodes gonna be called juicy jaw say some pretty amazing in the next 45 minutes.

Melissa 14:49
I need to come up with something else that cannot be trusted right now. No person in my family will see that episode. No go that's my lesson. Why'd you stop? I'm getting juicy jobs. I

Scott Benner 15:02
gotta be honest, just let it go. It's gonna be called juicy jobs. So there's this thing in your note that I'm, I'm super interested in talking about. So you said you're a small business owner, you're a hairdresser, right? Yeah, yeah. And you talked here about, like just trying to keep your business going and, and dealing with all this after the diagnosis. And I don't think we talked about that stuff at NAB. So I was wondering if you would walk me through what happened and where the difficulties were being

Melissa 15:28
behind my chair, I've been doing hair for almost 24 years now. And I still have very, very high client retention, like I have my very first client still. And so I live my life, like six weeks at a time, right. So any big, major thing that happens in my life, I have to replay with these people over and over and over again, for up to six weeks, because that's about the lifecycle of somebody's hair, and their appointments. So like I've had major traumas happen in my life, like I had a brother who passed away just over four years ago. And so like the very first person that gets in my car, and I'm like, Oh, my brother passed away. And we have to go through that story every single time. So that happens, and I go back to work after the five days in the hospital, and you're so new with this, thank God for technology. But I have these numbers now coming across my watch, I at the time, really have no idea what they mean, because I found the podcast while we were in the hospital, but I haven't gone far enough in it. And you know, like you say that don't die advice is all that we're going on initially. So you're having doctor's appointment, I specifically went out and bought air pods, because I would pop these air pods in behind my chair, do doctor's appointments, be talking to the school who at the time that school didn't even have a nurse, I had to like go in and show them how to figure out his carb count. And so we would get calls at lunchtime. And all the while you're doing all these things. And you're still trying to provide somebody with like a luxury service, and be able to maintain the integrity of that appointment and the integrity of your business. Thankfully, I own my business with my best friend. So where if I fall down, she's able to pick up and when she something happens with her, I'm able to pick up where she is feeling like she's lacking. So if he was sick, there were days that I had to call out and be like, I just need to be home with him. And thankfully, I do have a Salon Suite at home. So I would have people come to the house as well. But there were there was a day where he was sick, and I could not get his blood sugar down and the hospital was like it's time to come in now. And so you're canceling clients, which I don't do, like I very rarely if do I get sick? Do I need a sick day? Do I take time off last minute. And it's really hard, especially when people are sitting in their chair. And I say this a lot in the Facebook group. People talking about like, oh, this person said, I should take cinnamon and they will be very easily offended by someone. And I know that people you intentioned matter. Right? Right. Like if you're willing to attend. So for six weeks that we're going through Anthony's diagnosis, people would say, Oh, I totally understand. And I would say Oh, you do your tour instead? And they would say, Oh, my cat has diabetes, as well. Yeah. Oh, I don't know that if it's totally the same thing. But they're well intended. Right? So very similar.

Scott Benner 18:24
Did you ever hug your ex at a hospital? Because that's how horrible your life was? Because I hadn't hugged him in a while before that.

Melissa 18:30
And I had to like put my hands on him. So I'm just going to ask them maybe you understand it's not the same thing? Yeah.

Scott Benner 18:36
What's your cat life flighted anywhere by any chance?

Melissa 18:41
And like, I don't know that if something very dramatic happens to your cat that I'm gonna feel the same way as if it happens to my child. Yeah,

Scott Benner 18:47
that's I mean, listen, I I'm all for people loving their pets. But that's a weird, you know, a weird example to give somebody but again, like you're saying, well intended, well

Melissa 18:55
intended. And so when people talk to you, and they say, Oh, that's great. He's on a pump. So you don't have to worry about anything. And I think you can do two things you can get upset about it and be like you don't even understand. Or you can use that as an opportunity to speak back into somebody who maybe needs a shift in their thinking, and he needs more information. And then it's like a spider web and they can go out and be like, Oh, I was wrong in my thinking. My hairdresser. Son has diabetes. And she told me X, Y and Z.

Scott Benner 19:23
Yeah, it's a nice idea just to say, you know, well, actually, it eliminates her having to do injections, but you know, doesn't make the diabetes easier or less dangerous or, you know, impactful. You want to know more? Or is that you know, have I have I bored you enough with the thing you heard that you thought was was the truth, right? Yeah. Can I ask this you just talked about like people's lifecycle of their hair being about six weeks. And you've been doing this for a very long time. But does that feeling ever go away? When when when a client walks out like God I hope they come back if Don't come back, this all falls apart. If this falls apart, I can't pay my bills like that that feeling that small business owners have? Have you lost that?

Melissa 20:06
You definitely know as a small business owner like this is how much we need to pay the bills. But specifically as it pertains to doing hair, there are some people who you're like begging for them not to come back. You're like, listen, we are not a good fit, right? Like if people say, no hairdressers ever been able to get my hair, right, the chances of me doing it right are very slim. Yeah, like, common denominator here is not me, right. And there are some people and you look at it, like every time someone leaves, you get a new person that you might be better situated to work with. But there's definitely that fear, especially with now with post COVID. When we had supply chain issues and inflation, and issues like that, like nemenhah, we need to hold on to every single person, and they need to keep their appointments, and we need to make sure that we can maintain the business. But I think that because we are a small business, and we put family first it's like, listen, we're doing the best we can, and we put the good energy out into the world. And hopefully, we just can make enough to maintain the business and have our income, be what it needs to be. And we just want to do the best we can for our clients. Anything at the end of the day. That's what we're trying to

Scott Benner 21:22
do. Yeah, no, I just I recognized my own life and what you were saying because, you know, aside from making the podcast, and it being this valuable thing for people, so it's obviously something that you want to keep doing, for those of you who aren't lucky enough to be in a position like this, like helping people like actually helping them is, is incredibly fulfilling. And so like, just from that perspective, I don't want this to stop. But I am also like, you know, I'm a I'm a person, I have a family and and I need to I have bills like to pay. And so from a professional point, I don't want this to stop either. And, you know, so while your things he felt like to me like it's on a, like a six week clock, I'm on this crazy clock where January 1 comes, and I am on a med tear to provide good content, stuff that helps people, you know, that keep it entertaining, stay ahead of other content providers, as far as you know, like, you know, new ideas and like, you know, you're constantly you're striving to put out stuff that people want to hear that will actually help them like that's my mix, I want to I want it to be entertaining, and I want to be valuable. Yeah.

Melissa 22:31
And then we do definitely the same thing behind the chair, we want to provide an environment like, we keep it very light at the salon, like it's very fun. It's a fun environment. We're making sure actually my business partner, and I also educate for the color company that we use at the salon. So we try to stay as current as we possibly can we try to give these clients really an experience that they know that they're valued, but we also value their time. So we can get them in and out as fast as possible. Some people want to stay with us all day. And that's great. That's the best. But it's also trying to find that balance. Like there was a time when it was like no, no, no, my clients versus my clients first. And I've definitely had to shift yours. Because my clients were providing my income. And I've had to shift gears and say, I need to put my family first. And hopefully I can strike that balance that I really need. And it's it's hard. And I think you know, when you and I were speaking earlier, it is hard, because you pour so much of yourself into it, that if something doesn't work out, it's hard not to take it so personally, and take it personally from the business perspective as well. Yeah. And then you know, right after diagnosis, my poor clients are sitting there and I'm trying to provide them and I love what I do. I really love what I do. And there's a alarm going off and one of the girls in the salon is like is the higher low and we're running to bind my phone to figure out what's going on just those are just not how it's supposed to go. But it's just the way it's gonna go

Scott Benner 23:53
right and so you're trying to provide this episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the only CGM you can take off to get into the shower. The ever since CGM ever since cgm.com/juice. Box. Well, I mean, sure, you could take the other ones off, but then you'd waste the sensor and have to start over again. But not with ever since ever since is a six month where implantable CGM. So if you want to take a shower without anything hanging on, you pop off the transmitter jump in the shower, when you get back out, put it back on, and you're right back to where you started. Come to think of it. You could do that whenever you wanted to. Maybe it was your prom night or your wedding day. Maybe you just don't want the thing on for a little while. But you don't want to go all through the hassle of taking it off and having to restart it and you know, starting back over with like wonky numbers and having you know all that that goes with it when you take off the CGM and put it back on Oh, but you don't have to do that with the Eversense CGM. Because ever since is the only long term CGM with six months of real time glucose readings. This gives you more More confidence, more convenience and flexibility. The Eversense CGM is there for you, when you want discretion, a break, or maybe just a little adult time, ever since cgm.com/juice box, pop that transmitter off, pop it back on, you're right back where you started without any wasted devices, or time. Right now we're going to hear from a member of the Medtronic champion community. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes. And this is Mark.

David 25:31
I use injections for about six months. And then my endocrinologist in the Navy recommended a pump. How long

Scott Benner 25:37
had you been in the Navy? Eight years up to that point? I've interviewed a number of people who have been diagnosed during service and most of the time they're discharged. What happened to you?

David 25:47
I was medically discharged. Yeah, six months after my diagnosis. Was

Scott Benner 25:50
it your goal to stay in the Navy for your whole life? Your career was?

David 25:54
Yeah, yeah. In fact, I think a few months before my diagnosis, my wife and I had that discussion about, you know, staying in for the long term. And, you know, we made the decision, despite all the hardships and time away from home, that was what we loved the

Scott Benner 26:08
most, was the Navy, like a lifetime goal of yours? lifetime goal.

David 26:12
I mean, as my earliest childhood memories, were flying, being a fighter pilot,

Scott Benner 26:17
how did your diagnosis impact your lifelong dream?

David 26:20
It was devastating. Everything I had done in life, everything I'd worked up to up to that point was just taken away in an instant, I was not prepared for that at all. What does your support system look like? friends, your family caregivers, you know, for me to Medtronic, champions, community, you know, all those resources that are out there to help guide the way but then help keep abreast on you know, the new things that are coming down the pike, and to give you hope for eventually, that we can find a cure, you

Scott Benner 26:46
can hear more stories from Medtronic champions, and share your own story at Medtronic diabetes.com/juicebox, and experience and a good haircut and add value so that people come back. My thing is, I'm basically piling up downloads, listens, right? Like, I need a certain amount of listens in a bucket by July, to entice the advertisers to have a conversation in October about coming back for the next year. So the first six months are just like, make a mad dash to make download. And then it turns into a sales thing. And then after the sales thing, then it turns into a negotiation. And then he then they they resign up and then that was the hat the lead, by the way. And while I'm doing that, for the last half of the year, I'm also still providing content and like that that part didn't change. I'm just now I have two jobs. And then finally, I mean, it's November 29. You and I are talking right now. And I'm still waiting on. I'm still waiting on two confirmations for advertisers for next year. And if they like for some reason don't come back. Then the other advertisers will think Well, where did they go? How come they don't want to advertise on that show anymore? And then it starts. Now next year, I'm like, Well, this is it this last year, the podcast, like you have no idea how many times I've thought this is the last year of the podcast, I can't keep this going anymore. That's it. It's not just up to me just making good content is not enough. Like you know, blah, blah, blah. And, and for me, my hairdresser, my clients, their hair stops growing, some of them. So some people just love the podcast, they listen to it constantly, which God bless them. And thank you very much for listening. But some people are just here for management. And then they get their management in order and they go I don't need that podcast anymore. And now I did all that work to find that person. And now they're gone. And so like, the reason I brought all that up is because it's so resonated with me when you said I don't get sick, I don't have time to be sick. I feel the same way. I'm like, I don't know how people who don't work for somebody else. Even like I you know, I've heard people say over the years like I don't get sick days I work for myself is a pretty like surface way of saying it. But the real truth is there's no one else. There's no one else keeping the ship up. Like I do it or it doesn't happen. It's

Melissa 29:06
panic. It's like panic inducing. You know, when it's my my husband, Duggal, I'm taking those day off and I'm like, oh, that must be nice. Let me know how you enjoy your nice day. And if I have a client cancel, I'm like, Oh, well, do I need an only fans now like what am I going to do?

Scott Benner 29:24
How do my feet look?

Melissa 29:27
Really nice feet guy some money off. But it's just like, really hard not to be like self deprecating self loading like you lose a client like everybody hates me. I'm never going to be able to provide for my family. What am I gonna do? It's very hard you're

Scott Benner 29:43
gonna hear eight to 10 episodes. You've already heard them now because the way the recording skill but you'll you've heard eight to 10 episodes of me recording with COVID like like sitting here, like falling apart like sweating with a fever making this pocket you will never know you Have you heard this podcast recorded while I have bronchitis? You've heard this podcast recorded wha? My mom was literally dying. Like you've heard this podcast recorded while I was so worried about my children that I thought I was gonna go crazy while my wife was sick, and I was sick to my stomach, like, you're never going to know that. And these are situations where most people would go, I'm going to take a day off today. Yep. But my point is that we never talked about this so much. And listen, even if you work for somebody else that comes with its own problems. And now you're taking time off on hey, my kids blood sugar, I'm learning about diabetes. I don't know what to do. You hear people say all the time, I had to quit my job when my kid was diagnosed, like, you know, because my, they were gonna fire me because I couldn't come in and I wasn't figuring it out in time, in a weird way or lucky you at least could turn to your person and say, Look, you know me, I'm gonna do a good job cutting your hair, but you gotta give me 10 minutes here, you know, so

Melissa 30:52
Oh, absolutely. And I'll go in the back room, and next color, and there'll be tears coming down my my eyes, tuck them down my face. Because you'll try and hold it together. I mean, I've been doing this so long. I went through my divorce. I went through my brother dying. I went through my grandmother die. And I went through Anthony's diagnosis. And the beauty of this is that in my specific situation, I do like with these people, right? Like, some of these people have been coming to me, literally 24 years. I've seen them grow, marriages, divorces, kids, sickness, happiness I've seen them through. So we are essentially doing life together. And so sometimes it's, you know, it's a particularly hard blood sugar day, and I can't get him off the roller coaster. I will put the phone on speaker and put it on my station. And they're my clients like, Hey, Anthony, you know, and I'm very thankful, very lucky for that in that situation. But even some of my clients who are nurse practitioners will like, you know, most of this would warrant like a leave of absence. That's great. Should I start a like a GoFundMe?

Scott Benner 31:53
I'll go tell the lady that runs the place. See if she's up for for oh, wait a minute. Sorry.

Melissa 31:59
Right. Okay, great. Yeah. So you know, you you are doing life with these people, but also sometimes, like, a self care this particular and everything's hard, right? Like, life is just hard. And I understand that. But this particular disease, for me, as the caretaker is like, the, you know, at the helm of the ship, it requires, okay, what do I needed to do on the back end to stay okay to be able to give him what he needs to be able to give the clients what they need. And for me, it's making sure like, I make it to the gym every single day. Like if I never lose another pound in my whole entire life. That's fine is just for the mental health clarity, diabetes hour. But what can I do to make sure I stay Okay, for my clients, for my kids and my family?

Scott Benner 32:39
Isn't it strange that when you work hard in life, you have these kinds of conversations? And you're just like, oh my god, like, I'm on the edge everyday. Like, I think most people are walking around just holding a murderous rage under the surface. You know what I mean? Like, just like, everything's wrong, like, you know, we always ask people, How are you? How are you? I think we should have a month where everybody answers honestly.

Melissa 32:59
Oh, my God, we were talking about this the other day, it's like, how are you? It's like, I don't Well, which answer is it? You're looking for? You just want me to say okay, because if that's if you want me to say okay, then I'm okay. But I have a whole plethora waiting. If you want me to unload. How

Scott Benner 33:13
are you? You should just change to I hope you're doing well. Because that's what you mean. That's what you mean? Yeah. Hey, I hope you're doing well. Because how are you is either like you said, like, you're gonna I'm gonna lie to you. Or I'm going to tell you a story that's going to, you know, shrink your balls to the size of reasons. And you didn't you just gotta walk around in a scared little huddle. That's a line from Julia Roberts movie. Which one? Notting Hill. Have you ever seen Notting Hill?

Melissa 33:41
I don't. I don't know if that's one I've seen. Alright, so

Scott Benner 33:44
you Grant's flatmate, look at me being British flatmate says something like, I'm going to tell you a story that will shrink your balls to the size of races that's always stuck in my head for like 20 years. I've never said on the podcast where I'm like, finally, get this one out. But you know, like, like, you're either gonna be horrified by my answer, or I'm gonna lie to you, or my life is going great. And somehow those people whose lives are so easy, their lives just become bad in a different way. Well, everybody

Melissa 34:10
has their thing, right? Like everybody, no one's getting out of this life unscathed. Right? And everyone has their thing. And I think when you say like, when someone says, How are you saying, I'm okay, well, for the most part, mostly, you just are okay. Like it might be it might feel terrible, but like you are okay.

Scott Benner 34:25
You really are. I mean, that's the other side of it is that this is like, and I think that's important. That's why I brought it up actually, like you You're, you're digging into my into how I'm thinking about this episode, but you are okay. Like, right, like that is the truth. Like, yeah, that all this stuff is going on. I don't know about my diabetes, and I don't understand this and I can't pay for that and blah, blah, blah, but every day you're up and it's happening. It's not it's not ideal, and it's not certainly how you would choose for it to be. But it also isn't a thing that you should run around. Just going like oh my god, Everything's ruined. You don't I mean, like it's just it's your You hear people say like, this is my new normal. I guess that is the best way to say it. Like, I'm okay. Like, I'm fine. I have cancer. I have a whiteboard in front of me that's just about my family's health. Ask about this for coal. See if this vitamin will help Arden, try this for Kelly, we need to get this test. There has to be a doctor's appointment here. I don't even see that anymore is like upsetting.

Melissa 35:22
It just is what it is 100% it just in my days

Scott Benner 35:24
go by very quickly, Melissa. So that's nice. I'm never bored.

Melissa 35:30
There's never there's no time to be bored.

Scott Benner 35:32
Oh, yeah. I don't understand when people are bored. I don't understand when people watch television. Like how do you do that? That's fantastic. Like I'm making somebody said to me the other day Oh, what was it? Called girlfriend was here for for Thanksgiving. And it was late one night? And she's like, Can we watch a movie? I really want to watch this movie. And she's like, sure she goes, Can we watch American Gangster like, is it Denzel Washington movie with Russell Crowe? And she's like, Yeah, I just saw this documentary about I want to see the movie now. So we put the movie on. And I'm watching my voice a good movie. And about a 45 minutes in your mic. I got damn. And I feel like I've seen this movie before. But I've never seen it. And then I realized, I want to put it on a monitor next to me while I was working on the website for the podcast. I have technically sat through the movie, but I've never sat and watched it. And like that's even how I get my entertainment. Like while I'm doing something else at so that I can make a podcast. And then you know, Melissa and I were talking before the show started. And before we started recording, and I told her, it's like it's such a weird thing to help people to know you're helping so many people, and yet still have to go online and get yelled at sometimes. And you're just like, I'm just trying to help. Like, that's like one of the things you want to tell people like while you're yelling at me, please remember that I don't even watch television with my eyes. Because I'm busy doing this for you. And somebody might hear that and go I'm not asking you to do it. And then fair enough, like but yeah, you know, like, okay, so like I don't, I'm not offended by it. I'm like, whatever, be mad at me. If you want to be mad at me or I don't care. I'm just going to take this thing. I'm going to put it out in the world. You

Melissa 37:12
can do whatever you want with it. Yep. And we're just going to do the best we can. Yeah,

Scott Benner 37:15
and we're all gonna do the best we can. But the truth is, you are I mean, listen, there are some people who are in obviously dire situations, and I'm certainly not lumping them in with everybody else. But for the most part, you are okay. Your life sometimes is just what you decide it is, if that makes sense. You know,

Melissa 37:32
and there are things that like, especially in the situations where we can control even if diabetes like diabetes is one of those things where I'm very type A I like right and wrong. I like here's this is black and white. So diabetes came in and I was like, Well, this is the best because it does not follow a lot of rules all the time. And what you've taught me is, you know what, it doesn't even matter why, like the why just doesn't matter. But we can have a situation come up and it's like, fine, but it's still okay, we can still adjust, we can make adjustments, we can do more insulin, we can treat a low, and it's still gonna be okay, we've been here before. We've seen this before. Obviously, if your kids get sick if they get stomach bugs and things take a turn that different. But for the most part, I've been here before it'll be okay.

Scott Benner 38:17
No, it's such a I mean, it is the thing I probably used to say on the podcast more than I do now. But yeah, sometimes they're your blood sugar is high. Like it would be great to know why. And long term, we do want to figure it out so that you can get ahead of it. But in the moment that people make themselves crazy sometimes trying to figure out what happened instead of trying to fix what happened. That makes sense. No, see, you get kind of Yeah, what does that they call that analysis of paralysis of analysis? Like, is that the same as the saying, I don't know a lot of things. But

Melissa 38:49
no, it's it. Yeah, it is. Because I get it when I go to like look things up. If I'm like, oh, I want to go here and I look it up and like five minutes and like I have no idea what just happened. I gotta shut this computer and move on. To come back. Yes,

Scott Benner 39:00
blood sugar's high. Let's Bolus, you know. Yeah, we'll figure out what happened later. I don't want you to ignore for the rest of your life, that the fat and your meal makes your blood sugar rise 90 minutes after you eat or something like that. But like in that moment, we want to get it down. I saw a person doing it online last night. Kids blood sugar's like, in the four hundreds, something obviously went wrong. I've changed the pump, and I Bolus again. And I'm like, okay, but it's not moving. So I said maybe you should inject some insulin. But I already Bolus to the pump. I was like, Yeah, but the blood sugar is 400. Like, right? Is there not a small amount of insulin you could use here just to test the idea of it. Maybe there's something wrong with your pump site, or, you know, Baba blah, whatever. And you could just see the person frozen. Even in writing that I don't know what to do now. And they sat and watched that blood sugar for hours. And

Melissa 39:51
it's funny that you should bring that up. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. Go go please. So you know, as I was saying about how we co parents, so Anthony He was with his dad last night. And it's hard because, again, intention matters my ex husband, there's no question about how much he cares about his children because well intended. But it's hard. You have to learn to kind of sit back and be like, okay, he has the same information that I have. And I've tried to tell him like, listen, of this mark, if we have pizza, here's where everything's going to start to get a little wonky. And we might have to hit it a little bit harder. And on those nights, where it's like, oh, he just had pizza, and you're watching from a different house, but you kind of can't say anything, because you've already said it. And he has to parent also and figure out how to navigate diabetes also on his home, and he has access to the same information that I have access to, it's a hard thing to watch, because, you know, he's frustrated, or Anthony is going to be frustrated that these things are happening. It's like, I think we already talked about this. And it's hard to co parent through those situations, like you're saying you're online. And you're like, Well, what about this? And you saw them freeze?

Scott Benner 40:59
Yeah, no, it's fascinating. I've done a number of interviews about this, I don't know that I've ever come to a helpful conclusion, the idea of the dissolution of a relationship, a marriage, that then has to come back together again, and then be decision makers together when like, let's be honest, like one of the main reasons why people do break up in a relationship is because they can't come to an agreement on anything. So now now you make it like, my wife and I are still married. And we had trouble agreeing about how to manage diabetes. When Arden was first diagnosed. I don't know what you're supposed to do. When you're watching that CGM. And somebody's somewhere else, and you think I know what to do. I know what I know it will help here. But that is not a person I can communicate that to. And at the same time, if I don't get my kids in this situation, is a must. It's like, feels like a probably an ultimate rock and a hard place.

Melissa 41:54
Oh, yeah. I mean, because if I speak to my husband, and he's somewhere with Anthony, and he doesn't do something, I will literally call him and be like, Are you new? Are you a tourist? What are you doing that you're not addressing? What's happening right now? And I can't call my ex husband and be like, Hi, what are we doing? And I can say the things to my husband that can't say it to my ex husband. Like, peace around the house?

Scott Benner 42:28
Are you know what's going on?

Melissa 42:31
Is this your first day? Do we not talk about diabetes all day every day? I mean, we don't you know, but ham, I'll be like, Oh, I tried to my husband. I've tried this, you know, new bowls and strategy. And so him and I are always talking back and forth. And my ex husband is very smart man. But he's somebody who here's a piece of information. And the first piece of information is the information we take on. So learning new information is harder, because he heard something in especially when we heard it from the hospital. So when we heard from the hospital, 15 carbs, 15 minutes. That's it. That's the piece he's holding on to rest of our life. We're doing that. Yeah, that's what we're doing. And so if I see an ad, blood sugar, and at home, I would be like everybody hold I don't know if it's fine. My ex husband's like 15 cards, 15 minutes. And then we're staring at 200 I'm shooting

Scott Benner 43:20
for ad like I don't know what everyone else is talking about. But again, you've just completely blown up my brain because now I realized that my wife is looking at me thinking, oh my god, you freaking idiot. But she's not saying it out loud. Because we're still together. Is that actually what's happening? Now,

Melissa 43:37
not for me, I tell my husband, he's a freaking idiot. Oh, like, I have an easy time doing that with him. Because also, my husband is like, my best friend. Right? So he's a safe place for me so I can unload on him and he can be like, I love you so much. He'll look at me and say I love you so much. Like I totally didn't deserve that. But okay, but he's like a safe place for me to like, you know,

Scott Benner 43:58
there's the thing that nobody tells you when you're getting married.

Melissa 44:02
That poor guy when we go into like, know how to go to the doctor and I'm like, Are you safe at home? I'm like prime and I'm fine. I would check on Billy but I'm fine.

Scott Benner 44:09
He's probably not safe and I'm doing great check on him. That poor guys hold on by a thread I am. Yeah. But it's okay. He loves me.

Melissa 44:23
Yeah, he just was like having anxiety and he's like, yeah, here come Lay it on me.

Scott Benner 44:28
No, I think people end up doing that for each other but there's lovely but yeah, that that bit about working in a you know, an annex situation. I don't know like there there have been some people who have come on who have swallowed like really hard and let it all go. And they actually describe that their life is better that they're not mad with their ex anymore, but they had to stop being mad to help the kid. But it don't you know what I mean? It almost help them. But that's the thing that if both people aren't on board, it's hard. Then you know one person is the punching bag and one person's the hand If only one person decides, I'm just gonna let this all go, but somebody has to write. Yeah,

Melissa 45:05
and I mean, I'm a child of divorce. So there are things that I was like unwilling to repeat with my children. But like, we will do birthday parties together, you will see pictures of just me and my ex husband and my kids, and he will see pictures of all six of us. Because I don't have that from growing up. And there are things that I just think make kids feel so much more secure. And so there is some things that like, I might swallow something, and I'm sure my husband has to do things that he doesn't love doing as it pertains to me or my ideas about something. But I do think, especially when it pertains to diabetes, there's always the helm of the ship. And there's always going to be one person at the forefront of somebody's care whether you're caring for an elderly person, whether you're caring for a sibling, there's always somebody that's, you know, doing just a little bit more research or whatever. So I am able to talk to him and say, you know, suggested the podcast hated this podcast episode, or I found this article, or, Hey, I tried this dosing strategy. And at least I know, I've said it, whether he is like, I don't want to talk to her today and doesn't take it in, at least I know, I said it, and a lot of most of the times he's available to hear it. And without any ego,

Scott Benner 46:14
being solid is such a big part of being a good parent. And, like just being solid and stable, and somebody that you can count on, to do the thing, that, you know, whatever the thing is, like, when your kids know, you're there, I think that's so big, that, you know, when they Yeah, when something happens, and they're like, That lady is going to take care of this, I know she will, like like, I just, I don't have to worry about that they handle that. I don't mean like, I don't mean you running around cleaning up after them or something like that, I mean, the big stuff, like, you know, like, sideways, I'm going to look up and you know, who's gonna be there, Mom's gonna be there. And, like, I know, that's gonna happen, I think that it creates a comfort in a human being while they're growing and maturing. That is, it's irreplaceable, as as, as a valuable ingredient in their life. So even just you reaching out to an axe and saying, Look, this is the thing you should know, maybe you're not going to respond to me or whatever, I don't care, I'm still doing the right thing in this situation. And the right thing is to give you this piece of information, like that's a really big deal, and very mature view.

Melissa 47:21
And I think it matters so much for them, for the kids, because then they also will not be as afraid to have certain communications and certain conversations, if they know that both parents are on the same page. You're

Scott Benner 47:35
also not I want to be clear, I'm not getting the vibe from you that your ex is some bad guy or anything like that. Like I don't get that at all.

Melissa 47:42
I mean, obviously, he's my ex for a reason, his ex for a reason. I don't think that both of us, you know, I don't think either one of us have a lot of bad things to say about each other. But I don't think that both of us know that the path that we're on now is better than probably it would have been if we stayed. So I don't I think that he's very happy in his marriage. I'm very happy in my marriage. And I think we're doing the best we can for our kids. I mean, I'm giving them just enough trauma to like keep them funny.

Scott Benner 48:13
Just enough Boston to make them decent people.

Melissa 48:19
So yeah, I think that we you know, we're definitely exes for a reason. But I, you know, one of the things that I would never question how much he cares about his children, things like that.

Scott Benner 48:29
No, it all sounds very, very good to me. Hey, just real quickly, I love that the Patriots suck. I just want to say that I don't

care if you like football or not, I just want to say out loud that I'm thrilled that they suck this season.

Melissa 48:49
Can I just tell you that when I was growing up, it was a terrible era for the Patriots. And I remember my dad, I think we're I think the total was like seven windshields because he would be driving and he would just like pop the windshield when they were screwing up, like spider cracks across the windshield. There was one time we were sitting in the living room, watching the Patriots and he was so mad. He ran up, pulled the cable box out of the wall sent it sailing to the living room outer closed window. So like How was your anger management as it pertains to the Patriots. I remember exactly where I was in 2001 when they I think I believe was two I think I was 21 when they won their first Super Bowl with Tom Brady. And then this dynasty is so amazing. And now if you I listen to sports radio every morning, if you could hear the way that they're talking, it's like it is unbelievable to hear how heartbroken how mad everybody is. It's like we're just walking around in like mourning because we lost Tom Brady and I don't know we are a disaster right now. Just a disaster.

Scott Benner 49:51
It's an interesting thing how a sports franchise can impact an entire city. It's really fascinating. Like I remember when the Phillies Were in the World Series rollin two years ago when they actually made it to the World Series, but the run up to it, the closer they got to being in the World Series. You could watch crime and Philadelphia fall.

Melissa 50:12
Isn't that crazy?

Scott Benner 50:14
People were just happier. They were happier and less likely to like take that murderous rage that I talked about earlier and go let it out somewhere they were letting it out through happiness through watching baseball on television.

Melissa 50:25
Fantastic. I'm always surprised at how quickly people turn. Oh, yeah, on their team, like, it is wild to me how quickly they turn they want this one fire. That one's gonna go in very quickly if they haven't very quickly.

Scott Benner 50:39
Yeah, that's the really something else. Like I just just wonderful. I don't know, I'm not an aficionado, obviously. Like, I don't know everything about football. But with a little bit of hindsight here, it just seems like it wasn't Bella check. It wasn't the system. It wasn't the Patriots. It was that guy like there was something about.

Melissa 50:58
I mean, I think it's easy to say like the coach is great when your players are great. I think that don't get me wrong. Like I don't want to get lambasted for saying I think Dobell attracts great. But I think the guy, it makes it easy when the guy is really great, too. Right? And

Scott Benner 51:13
a lot of the assistants went other places, and they're not doing well as head coaches either.

Melissa 51:16
Right? Right. And actually, my husband was going to the game this Sunday. And I was I was surprised that we're going to waste money on tickets for him to go this weekend tickets

Scott Benner 51:25
must be $8 at this point. Does anybody even want to go

Melissa 51:28
actually not that expensive? And I was like, Well, I guess if you're gonna if you're gonna go at least you're not going to spend like $15,000 before you've even left the house. Yeah. You know, anyway,

Scott Benner 51:36
my favorite patriots stories, really at the top one is you remember when the owner stopped to get a handy in Florida on his way to the Superbowl. Of all the stories that one's your favorite, absolute favorite. You got on a private jet, flew to Florida or massage parlor to get a hug and then went out the super. Did you just say to get a job? I did. Is that not appropriate? No,

Melissa 52:05
it was terrible.

Scott Benner 52:09
It was my favorite. That's my favorite is my favorite patriots story. Like,

Melissa 52:13
it's just like, could you not have figured out a way to be a little bit more discreet and not end up on the news? Like whatever?

Scott Benner 52:19
Yeah, if you're, if you're taking a jet, somebody's gonna notice I'm pretty sure. Why did he go to Florida but wasn't in Arizona? Like why did you go to Florida before he went out west? Like that's weird.

Melissa 52:31
That has to be a world class tug of war.

Scott Benner 52:34
You know what, Melissa, you're saying the truth here? Because you think that a wealthy man could find that at the Super Bowl? Because I mean, we all know Right? Like prostitutes won the Super Bowl cities the weekend of the Super Bowl. Like it's a major

Melissa 52:48
need. Everybody has to make their money. Right? Yeah, well,

Scott Benner 52:51
you go where the work is, is what I'm saying. But listen, if people stopped coming, your haircuts, you start going to them, I guarantee it.

Melissa 53:01
Like, I mean, like I said, Am I gonna have to start an only family? You know, we got to do what we got to do.

Scott Benner 53:08
Anyway, that was the news story. I'm not making that up. You can go Google it and look at the

Melissa 53:13
legit news story. We all hung our heads and thought you couldn't have figured out how to be more discreet about that. Also, he is married, right? I don't know if at the time if she has because he was married, and then she passed away. And I'm not sure of the timeline on that. And

Scott Benner 53:27
so I'm just trying to say that if I was married to a man that wealthy and even if I didn't want to talk to him anymore, I still think if he was like, hey, you know, I'd be like, All right. I do love my Mercedes. Like, come here.

Melissa 53:44
You know, when people say like, money won't make you happy? Can I try? Like, give it a try? And like, you know,

Scott Benner 53:51
I mean? Did they hate each other? Like were one of those gloves? Would you do the food prep? I don't know what to say I first of all, I've never I want to be honest. I've never done that for another man. So I don't know the implications. But I might be talking out of my trade now. I'm just saying like to be wealthy. I think I could do it is what I'm getting.

Melissa 54:12
I love when people say money won't solve my problems. I'm like, 99% of them.

Scott Benner 54:17
Let's try and see what happens. What is it? Did you know? Yeah, anyway, that took an odd turn. But I don't think really because you're from Boston. And honestly, this is how you want to be talking?

Melissa 54:28
No, not really. But my clients also note that I am like a wide open book. And I think in just in Boston were just built a little differently.

Scott Benner 54:35
No, I think there's a lot of similarities between Boston Philadelphia where I grew up to like, just the very like, I'm watching people, the better the Eagles get right now, the more people around the country are trashing the fans. But I'm here to tell you something. If you lived here, you would love it. You would think it was the it was the greatest thing like just nothing better. My example that would be that when Bryce Harper played baseball In Washington, I was like What an asshole. And like when what's his name went after him and choked him in the dugout. I was so like, oh my god that's hilarious what was like papel bomb? Do you do you know about this? Do you ever seen that video?

Melissa 55:15
It's ringing a bell but I can't say for sure that I know exactly

Scott Benner 55:18
Bryce Harper's a young kind of brash guy, he must have said something that made one of the crazy players out of his mind. The guy came down the steps that dugout leapt at him, put his hands around his neck and jack them up against the back of the dugout. And I was like Harper's getting his Bryce Harper plays in Philly right now. I'd go defend his home for him if he needed me to. It's so much. It's so much fun when they're on your side. Like that's, that was

Melissa 55:42
like deep rivalries, like the deep love that the people have for certain teams like New England. That way they love their patriots. 100% Yeah, they will defend everything for them until they start screwing up. Like you know, people think that our quarterback and doing a great job and now they're ready to like, you know, burn about the steak.

Scott Benner 56:00
In the end, you're you're getting out. I mean, listen life. I keep going back this year to something my son said to me, he's he was on his own for about six months, maybe when he called me one day very, super serious. And he said, I need to ask you a question. What do people do after work? And I found it to be such a sad thing. Because I was like, Oh, he's an adult now. Like, he doesn't have baseball to go to he doesn't have this. Like he's, he's like, he's like, what do people do? And when there's a whole world out there, beating their ass into the ground doing their job. And in you know, that's true, because I make a podcast. And it's incredibly difficult. And I have something to compare it to. I used to work in a sheetmetal shop and not for a day for a long time. I'm telling you, I'm not dirty, and I'm not hot. But this is difficult. And so everyone out there is doing something difficult, right? And they don't have enough money and their kids have diabetes or something else is going on or Jesus like, you know, how about they just got psoriasis all over them that God damn compatriots can't win. You know what I mean? Like, like, Yeah, and like that feeling. Like, everyone's got that going on. And then if you get a good sports team, you're like, there's a release here, at least, you know, like something I can do from the comfort of my home, that doesn't cost me money, I can flip the television on and watch some other people succeed for a while. And then when you get used to it, and then it goes the other way, it probably feels like those people, even though they're not the same players who were winning for you five years, there's a completely different group of people. And when it starts going the wrong way you feel, I guess it comes off, like anger. But I just think it's this, it's a sadness that you don't have that release anymore.

Melissa 57:41
And we just got so used to it. Like, it was just one of those things that you just get used to, and when you can get used to winning in any regard, right, like, and then something happens in your life. We were winners. Like, we just got used to it. Like, of course, we're going to civil Of course, we're going to win a ring. And I think that like you said it was such a relief for people, people were feeling very happy they were getting together and celebrating this thing that wasn't heavy for anybody.

Scott Benner 58:07
No, I listen, if this podcast were ever fall apart, I already know which wall I'm running my head through in this room. So like, Don't worry, like. Because imagine, like, if I lose my job, I don't just lose the job. I lose the way I'm valuable in the world, which I guess also is for most people's jobs. But then I have to make a big shift. And I've been out of like real work, which I'm making with air quotes. But I think I mean, like I've been out of real work for so long. Like, what am I going to go back into the world and go Hi, what do you been doing for the last 10 years? Well, for the last 10 years, I was a podcaster. But before that I wrote a blog. There'll be like, Oh, we can't wait to hire you. Like what am I? Can I just sit in the coffee room and talk people will be so entertained? Yeah, great. That's not a job here. Get the like, like, so. How am I getting another job? I gotta learn to cut somebody's got damn hair. Like, you know,

Melissa 59:00
yeah, but then even like, if I am I gonna go work for somebody at this point in the game? Like, am I gonna go walk into a salon and be like, Oh, sure, you can tell me how to do my job and how to book people. And when I need to be like, No, thanks.

Scott Benner 59:13
Mostly. When I was a kid. I worked in the 711 for a year I've ever talked about in the podcast. I worked at 711 for a year. I don't think I've ever heard you mentioned seven. I don't think I have like Yeah, so the long the short, long story is, I was really young. Oh my god. My kids are gonna listen this when I was really young, and I had a girlfriend who love to have sex. I mean, we've been pretty like clear in this episode. She likes to bang one out in the afternoon before she went to her job, just what she enjoyed doing okay. And so I literally switched my job so that I could be available at 3am

Melissa 59:47
priority. Scott, you had priority. I worked

Scott Benner 59:52
in a king 711 for a year because they had a seven to three shift and I could have six with this lovely girl

Melissa 20:00:00
Every day of 3010 My

Scott Benner 20:00:02
God is the best year of my life. I just want to say that out loud right now for anyone. I mean, if my kids are listening, I apologize to you. You're probably thinking, what about my birth or when I graduated? The year I got to have sex every day at four o'clock in the afternoon was the best year of my life.

Melissa 20:00:18
And didn't have like real people's problems. Oh, my God. I had enough

Scott Benner 20:00:21
money even though I didn't make any money. Yeah, I had all the security in the world about where I was gonna live and what I was going to eat and everything. And every day there was sex. It was like, it was the greatest thing. Anyway, I had to work in this 711 from seven to like, it was a terrible job. Why did I start telling this story?

Melissa 20:00:41
Because I said, I don't ever want to work.

Scott Benner 20:00:43
Good, by the way. Yes, I have I've a relation to that. After I worked at that 711. And our relationship right now, believe it or not, we didn't have a ton in common. And after that relationship, we didn't get out much. So like after we after that relationship ran its course I went did another job for a while it was a seasonal job. And when that fell apart, I tried to go to a different 711 Because I thought, Oh, I'll be able to walk in and grab this job real quick. I know how to do this. And then I'll I'll keep this job while I'm looking for like the next thing I want to do. Except just working at a different 711 was so different that I couldn't do it. It was maddening. Like all the routines were different. And the expectations were different. And you would think it's a seven love and you do it here. You do it there. It was completely different to me. Yeah, then that was my point. I actually ended up adding myself on my story about that, to tell you that I've gone from one place to another you really went like all the way through it. Yeah, it's such a lovely warm remembrance when it came up in my head. She's a lovely girl. I'm sure she would be horrified if she's not gonna say her name, obviously. Yeah, that's what yeah. But I what she was really lovely. And, and I did really enjoy my time with her. And if I'm being clear, I want to say I did love her very much. And I'm sure she didn't like me at all. But that's not the point. So

Melissa 20:02:02
I think she liked you at least a little bit. A little bit. That went on for that long. Yeah.

Scott Benner 20:02:06
Also, I don't enjoy seeing a little bit, let's say, let's say more than an average bit. She liked me. Okay, well, let's but not an amazing bit, just more than

Melissa 20:02:20
anyway, saying she liked you enough probably isn't

Scott Benner 20:02:24
awkward enough that she seemed happy? Yes. Perfect. Yeah, that's all. Okay, we're done. Let's get past this. Is there anything we haven't talked about that we should have? I can't imagine if there was,

Melissa 20:02:34
I think we've covered a lot. I just, yeah, I wanted to make sure to talk about, you know, just, it's, it's a lot. And I think, especially as it pertains to work, it's just, everyone's just doing the best they can. And I'm very thankful for my situation that I'm in because, again, if I worked for somebody else, I don't know how easy it would be like pop earplugs in and, you know, check in on what you're doing on the podcast to see if I'm missing anything or check on Anthony. And I have alarms going off in the background. And I mean, all to say he's doing awesome. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Right? Like he had him and my family and everything needs to come first. And, you know, I'm so thankful for what you do and the value that you bring to my family because it's a one sees great. And now we don't have a lot of panic. When we're doing things. We're like, Oh, we've seen this before. We don't run around with our hair caught on fire. And I'm just super thankful that if he had to get diabetes, we bought it at this point in time.

Scott Benner 20:03:31
I was very nice. I just say about about what I'm doing. And I think it's a great perspective that you have actually but can I ask you what is it? I do? Do I just effortlessly weave good information about diabetes around stories about having sex as a young as a as a 19 year old?

Melissa 20:03:46
You took the words right out of my mouth, because that is the way I would have so eloquently put it.

Scott Benner 20:03:53
Honestly, there's times I'm like, I don't even know what I'm doing. Like why? Listen, this is not me blowing Oh, a horn for myself or anything like that. But I am Ultra aware of the podcasting space, like I pay attention to it in a way that may be unhealthy.

Melissa 20:04:08
So let me tell you, let me tell you what it is because I happened upon your podcast in the hospital on like, day two, I just was sitting there and he was sleeping. And I was like, I don't know anything about diabetes, like I don't even know where to start. And when they came in, and they dosed him with insulin, and they were telling us he was gonna start to give himself injection. And I said, Okay, you know, they give you the hospital menu, and it has all the carb counts and ethics figured out. We have to do the math equation. And they said, they will do this 20 minutes before he eats and I looked at them and I said, I do not understand. Because what if he doesn't eat everything on his plate? Wouldn't it make more sense to dose him after? Now understand where in the children's floor of the hospital, I have endocrine coming in and out. I have all the nutrition coming in and out. Nobody's said to me, it takes about X amount of time. I'm too insulin to come online. So here I am asking it's a very specific question. Why wouldn't it make more sense to do it after what I know what he's eating? And they said, Yeah, you can do that. But you should do it this way. Nobody told me the why. So your podcast so valuable, because you're telling me somebody who's very black and white, very type A, the why. So I can make it make sense in my brain, here's what we need to do, we're eating this food is going to hit like that we need to Pre-Bolus like this. And that is even as I we went to the doctor, you know, we go every three months. And once a year, we do diabetes clinic. And we're in clinic for like three hours. So his last appointment was actually November 15. And we went in and the nurse practitioner, and I like everybody in the practice, I really do. But the nurse practitioner said to me, Hey, you had diabetes clinic in August? Do you like it? And I'm one of those people that I believe you can say anything to anybody if you're respectful, right? Like if you're not an asshole, you can say whatever you need to say. And he said, I'm gonna be honest with you. I don't appreciate diabetes, Manik and she said, why? And I said, Well, for us specifically, because we always hear you are our star patient, you don't need to worry so much. And I love that they see me that way. But I don't appreciate it. Because I had to go get this information somewhere else. And it doesn't mean that I'm okay with this 250 blood sugar that I'm seeing. And I'm trying to get ratios, right. And if they say to me, you're a start patient, don't worry about it so much. That's neither here nor there. To me, that makes me feel sad for other patients, that they don't have the information or the education or whatever. So I said to her don't appreciate diabetes clinic because nutrition comes in. And they say to me, you know, whatever. They're saying to me about food. And if I ask them a specific insulin dosing strategy for a specific food, and they look at me and say, I don't know, you've wasted my time. I don't like if I have a specific question that you consistently cannot answer. I don't want us to sit here for three hours. Psychology comes in, I think psychology is super important. We saw somebody right after diagnosis, that was not a good fit for him. And we said, this woman is not a good fit for him. She was perfectly lovely. She just wasn't a good fit for Anthony. They and the practice that Nope, we think that they are the best fit. So why do I have to do this thing, if you're gonna make me do it when you won't meet my needs. So what you were able to do is give me number one, the information that I was searching for, that nobody else seems to be able to give me. Because this is not my body, right? So I can't go experimenting with insulin, because it's not my body, I need to be respectful of him, I don't know what's going to happen. He's not always with me. So you were able to give me the confidence to be able to do the things that I need to do to keep them healthy, I need to be able to set him up. So that when he is a grown up and says me, I don't want to borrow my numbers, or I'm not with him all the time, that he has the confidence to move forward. And that is something that we weren't ever going to be able to get just from the practice, I understand I could hire a CDE I could hire someone like Jenny, who I am obsessed with. I love her so much. But that's what you do. That's what you're able to do for people and it is invaluable. I

Scott Benner 20:08:02
appreciate you. Honestly, I honestly appreciate you sharing that with me, because I know I've said it before, but I'm almost the last person who understands exactly what is happening. Like, I'm just being myself and I have this information. And do you really mean like somebody didn't sit down and say do this, then say this and be like that, and then this lady will have that experience? I'm just doing the thing, and it happened to work out? I mean, it genuinely. And what I was gonna say earlier was that when you look at what is popular in podcasting, especially around health, when you look at what's popular in podcasting, around health, what you see mostly is like the bro science stuff, you know, like stuff that may help but like, who really knows if it's, you know, does getting in a freezing cold bathtub, make your life better? Like I don't know, but it's a very popular thing to talk about right now. And if you talk about that, on your podcast, you will have a popular podcast, if you you know, double down on like ketogenic diets, you'll have a popular podcast, if you take a position on a certain, you know, like thing you'll have, you'll have a popular podcast, but the idea of talking about diabetes, there are other people doing it. And not just podcasting, but also blogs, Instagram influencers, tick tock, there's like all these, like, every, let's be honest, people are trying to be internet famous with the thing they have, right. And there are some there are also people trying to help like I'm not discounting that. But there's a lot of people out there trying to make a living off of whatever this is. And it doesn't work. Only for this show. That's the only one who like I'm consistently in the top 20 in the Apple podcast medicine chart for like four and a half or five years now. I know you're not a podcaster but that's insane. Like it's absolutely insane. It's a niche idea. That's like when I pull up the top 10 You know, right, I'm looking at the top 10 Right now if I said Peter, a TIA to you. Do you know who that is? No, no, because you care about diabetes, but trust me, right. A lot of people were into podcasts we go, I know Peter to you. If I said Dr. Mike Heyman, you'd go, I know Dr. Mark Heyman. Does anyone know Rhonda Patrick? People love her. How do they know her? She had this podcast. She went on Joe Rogan's podcast, he made her super huge. She has been in the top five in my category for years since she was on Rogan. Like, there are millions of people listening to these podcasts. Paul Saladino, doubles down on I think carnivore diet, he stays in the top 10 doing that RFK does the the way he's coming. What's his perspective about like, you know, questioning vaccines, he stays in that high space all the time. That's the kind of like hot button stuff you have to do to have a top 10 podcast, unless you're me talking about type one diabetes. And when you work at 711. For some reason that mix works, like like the ADEA has a podcast. It does not do well. I would guarantee I mean, listen, I've never heard it, I genuinely I want to I have my right hand raised like I'm in court. I've never heard the ADA is podcast, okay. But I bet you it's got good information in it. But nobody listens to it. I think one of the biggest mistakes people make in the diabetes space, is they just sit back and go, we're delivering good information. People should get it, they'll come get it. That's not how it works.

Melissa 20:11:28
I also think for us specifically, how you structure the podcast, you know, you have the Pro Tip series, and then you have all the other specific Informational Series. But the conversations one of the things I think that is really lacking in type one diabetes is community. And the Facebook page is the best. But in real life, you don't have this community. So like, my family will say to me, how is Anthony? And it depends on the day, some days, I want to be like his Basal rates were off and this and that, and this and that. And all they wanted to hear was good. Yeah. You know, like, they don't, of course, don't want anything wrong with him. But they're not looking for me to because it's not something that they've had to know about. You don't know about diabetes. And so you have to know about diabetes. So when these conversations in this space, I may not be able to talk back. I mean, I do in my car, especially like when I'm hearing I'm like, oh, yeah, totally no, we talk about it provides a sense of community that people can listen to people share their stories, and not just online because we all know in a Facebook group, like I posted something recently about cheese sticks, my son fell out of honeymoon in like a moment. And he would eat like three cheese sticks, which were typically like a no insulin snack. And hours later, he would be high. And I couldn't figure out why. And all of a sudden, it hit me like a freight train, like it was the chief stick. He's havin three chiefs at a time. And you know, I posted it on the Facebook page. And if somebody you know, somebody was like, You need to allow him to have cheese sticks. And that's not necessarily the community I'm you know that when you're in this space, you're just looking for someone to share with and understand where you're coming from. And I think it's hard online, but it's something easier about hearing people's voices than hearing them be vulnerable on the podcast and laugh with you. And so you do get that sense of community that we, you know, you you might see like I like when people say like a tea one day in the wild. And I've we might get that but there isn't that big sense of community in day to day normal life. So these conversations are so important, because even if, today we've talked about like a million different things, but if there's one thing that we've talked about, and someone's like I that resonates with me, and that was helpful to me that that sort of makes you feel so much better. Yeah, within your community.

Scott Benner 20:13:42
Listen, I'm gonna give up my secret on this, which I've said on the podcast over and over again, you have to allow people to communicate openly and be themselves and not stifle people because they say something that you're worried someone else is going to be uncomfortable with. And it doesn't hurt that I'm this way on the podcast, and this is how I am and so I'm like that in the Facebook group too. And so people who listen to the podcast and make the the Facebook group are also communicative open people, like honest so that when somebody comes in and tries to shut you down or shame you for saying something that they think, you know, is not politically correct, or whatever I know, by the way, woke means politically correct, right? Isn't it the same thing, and so like, keep changing the words I'm old, I need to be able to keep up. But to give you an A to give you an example. Two days ago in the Facebook group, someone posted a picture of their kid with a deer they just shot like you know when hunters like yeah, kill something and they take a picture with it right? And I'm not a hunter. I've never shot a gun. By the way my wife asked me what I want for Christmas and I was like I might want like range lessons I can maybe I'd like to learn to shoot a gun like in a controlled anyway. I've never shot a gun. I've never held a gun. I've never gone hunting. If you asked me to kill something so that I could eat I probably could do it but I wouldn't do it with a lot of disaster gusto This is my position on this But I don't take down this this person's excited. Like in their world, hunting is a big deal. And they're proud of their kid. And people started reporting that post like not a lot, because I've cultivated a space where everybody's safe, right? But, but I got four or five people reporting the posts. And, and then finally someone posted in there and said, You know, I don't need to see this person like like I don't. And I just I deleted their comment and I sent them a note and I said be nice. This person is very proud of their child, you might not be into hunting, they are, let it go. When one of my moderators asked me, What do you think of the hunting posts? I said, in my mind, that's no different than someone's kid holding a soccer trophy. Like, you know what I mean? Like, they're just like, look, my kid did a thing. Like it's a thing we've been working on for a long time. It's a thing that our family thinks is important, and I'm proud. Do I know there are going to be some people who complain about this? I do. But I don't care. Like, it's not that I don't care that you're upset about it. My My position is, don't look at it.

Melissa 20:16:00
Yeah, you could, you could, and I know, it's like a hard concept. You could just keep scrolling. You could just say, this doesn't interest me, I don't need to look at it. And I can just move about my day.

Scott Benner 20:16:12
Again. Now, I could use more buzzwords like this and have a more popular podcast. But it's virtue signaling, it's you wanting to make sure that the whole world understands that you think this is wrong, and you're on the right side of it. And so like, take it out of the hunting thing for a minute and go into simpler things. That doesn't exist in my space. And if it does, we take care of it immediately. And not privately, you will like I will respond to somebody and say, Look, I don't know what's going on here. But we're not going to talk to people like that, like and we're not going to DM each other and be private about it. You said something crappy, take it back, or live in the honesty of what happened here. Like you're getting called out for this. And it's not mean or cruel. It's actually done very kindly. But it's, it's about like expression and open communication and allowing everybody to be who they are. And at its core saying like, we all have this thing in common, like we're, you know, you there's diabetes in your family. They that's it and I don't care type one, or type two, or lot or doesn't matter to me, like you have diabetes, or you love someone with diabetes, or you're supporting somebody with diabetes, you're welcome in that space. We're not going to be all woke, we're not going to delete things, because we don't like when people say stuff that makes us uncomfortable. Like, we're also not gonna let people make other people uncomfortable on purpose. Like it's an easy balance. If you just apply common sense to it while you're looking at it, instead of being worried all the time that someone's going to cancel you or like you can't get canceled. You live in Iowa. You know what I mean? Like, you're you're just you're okay, you're posting online about something. It's your kids, whatever, like, don't worry, you're not, you're not famous. And by the way, yeah, go ahead. I'm sorry. I

Melissa 20:17:54
also think that diabetes is, is hard. And it's a lot and it's like, even from Anthony's diagnosis story, like, I still get very emotional. And so I also think that were people in your life don't know as much as you do, right? Because, again, you don't know what you don't know. But you get to have people when you're in the Facebook group, most people are well intentioned. And it's like other people rooting for you. They want you to know, if I say, Anthony is anyone see, you know, he was like, almost 14 at diagnosis, or you've been consistently between like, five, eight and six, one, like, my BM is like, that's great, but they don't know. And so it's really other people getting to cheer you on, which is just so valuable, because not that you need validation from other people. But this diabetes, what we know about diabetes is what I forget the statistic, but diabetics have to make, like X amount more decisions a day than everybody else. And it's just somebody else who knows what you're going through and is able to cheer you on in the background. I'll

Scott Benner 20:18:49
tell you what, it's another little thing that I was way out ahead of that I can look back in hindsight and tell you I was 100% correct about that. Because because the like celebrating success. I mean, I've been in this space a long time. So back when I was blogging, it was frowned upon, like it was looked at as rubbing it in people's faces that you're doing better than them. I never once saw somebody rubbing something in someone's face. I'm like, that's not what they're doing. That's how you're choosing to take it. And so when people succeed in my Facebook group, I'm like, tell us, like, you know, you want to put your agency up there your time and range or you want to show us a great Bolus that worked out for you. Like do that because other people either can, you know, it sprouts a conversation where people can learn what you did. Or by the way, I think most importantly, it expresses hope. Like so if you're doing poorly, you can look up and go, there's some lady from Minnesota figured this out by listening to a stupid podcast like maybe I'll go listen to that podcast, maybe all figured out like maybe I'll be hopeful instead of just like, oh gosh, this is never gonna go my way. Don't rub it in. No one's rubbing it in, you know how they feel. They're elated that they Got that something right? And that they might be on to something. And

Melissa 20:20:03
they have to go somewhere where they can be celebrated within their community on top of the fact that I think what you just said is really important. Like, what's that saying? Like there's more than one way to skin a cat. And so when you see the comments, you're like, Well, I've tried this. And I've tried that maybe not everything is for everybody in every situation. So if I see things online, oh, I need to make a mental note of that. So when we do this thing, this person had great success this way. Yeah, I think it's important to have those resources because you can read all the books you want. But when things are happening in real time, I think it's helpful to be part of Yeah,

Scott Benner 20:20:36
and by the way, did you say there's more than one way to skin a cat because we were talking about hunting earlier? Was that attached to that?

Melissa 20:20:42
Well, no, I mean, that fits well.

Scott Benner 20:20:46
You don't know anybody shooting animals in Boston, there shouldn't?

Melissa 20:20:48
Oh, no, I do actually do that. Because this past Saturday, I went to new friend's house. She's a volleyball mom for my daughter's volleyball team. And we went over there to put the gifts for the banquet together, and I opened the door. She's like, Listen, I have a lot of taxidermy on my wall. You freaked out. I'm like, No, it's fine. And she had taxidermy all over the walls that our husband had hunted and killed just

Scott Benner 20:21:10
rats from the city or that he goes into the woods.

Melissa 20:21:14
Matthew, where the Boston rats? No, I think he had like a black bear. I think he had all kinds of stuff. That's

Scott Benner 20:21:21
very, very gunner. No guy that's braver than I did. In the end, the whole thing works. And it works. Because it's authentic. It works. Because I don't sit around worrying. If somebody's going to not like it, like Trust Me, I'm gonna get an email saying, you shouldn't have said you and your girlfriend. She liked to bang one out after he was a freshman in college. But, but like, you don't mean like, I'm gonna get a note that says, you shouldn't have said you and your girlfriend like to bang one out when she was done with school. Like I'm somebody's gonna say that someone's gonna call me a misogynist, trust me, I'm gonna get like you don't love women. Like I'm gonna get all that kind of like, fringe opinion, does that make sense? Like whether it's like, far right or far left, like fringe opinions, like people were like, their virtue signaling, they want to let you know, they know the way the world is supposed to go, and you're doing it wrong. I get notes all the time, that would freak you out. Not one of them stops me from saying, I know that the podcast and the way I make it helps people live better with their diabetes. So I'm gonna keep doing that. Like, that's, that's it. I'm just gonna keep doing that. When COVID started. As an example, when COVID started, there was this new story. I don't remember the details of, but it was out of like Sweden maybe. And I thought it was interesting. And I think I just posted it somewhere. I was like, this is interesting. And, and I don't know anything about it. I just thought maybe people would find interesting, I genuinely don't even remember what it was about. I'm being 100% Honest. Well, like a day later, on some social media platform. This guy's literally trying to cancel me. He's like this podcast, you shouldn't listen to it anymore. This guy's like, I forget what he said I was doing. And I was like, I'm like, Dude, I'm just like, when I looked at it, I thought, I'm just sharing this news article, like, do whatever you want with it. Like, I don't give a crap. But I had gone against his orthodoxy. And because of that, he was now going to try to ruin my life and ruin this podcast. He didn't care how many people the podcast helped. That wasn't important anymore. He was out there trying to show everybody how virtuous he was. And you know what I did? Nothing. I didn't do a goddamn thing. I didn't reach out to him. I didn't try to explain myself. I didn't get upset. I didn't run around wringing my hands going, like, Oh, God, it's over. I just said, this is meaningless. This person's wrong. And I'm not going to engage with them. And it all went away in the day. But it was his intention. You know,

Melissa 20:23:44
it's almost unfathomable to me because it just doesn't match my 16 year old says it's just not that deep. Like she says to me all the time. Just Mama's just not that deep. Like, I can't imagine my world, on any given moment is like a dumpster fire at best. I cannot imagine focusing so much on what someone else does, if they have a different opinion. Or say something I don't like. I can't imagine doing anything other than moving on. Yeah,

Scott Benner 20:24:11
I don't get how everybody wants to have a hot take about things that are so complicated that they don't understand them, and nobody else does. hyzer like that, that's always and if you don't agree with their hot take, then you're a bad person, you're trying to ruin the world, or vice versa. I had somebody reach out to me recently and wanted me to do an episode about the, you know, the current conflict in between Israel. And I guess, am I saying this right. Is it between Israel and Hamas? I'm not even sure yes. I don't understand that. I don't understand it enough to speak well on it. But all I could think was, so you want me to take my diabetes podcast that helps everyone with diabetes and alienate half of the people listening so that they leave and don't get help with their diabetes anymore so that I can share your opinion about what's happening overseas. A place where you're not at and don't know anything about. I'm like, Yeah, we

Melissa 20:25:03
know, immediately can't even consent like, what are people thinking? Like? Does he not want you to be successful? So

Scott Benner 20:25:11
I don't have an opinion about it because I've never been there. I can't live there. I'm not Palestinian, I'm not Israeli. I don't know anybody who is you want me involved in this? I was like, it's a diabetes podcast. Like why in God's name? Would I be involved in this? And so you know, what ended up happening is now that person's mad at me. People are always mad at me, Melissa, I ever saying that I that I share with Isabel all the time. And she's the only person I've ever said this to. So now I'm saying it to everybody. I say don't worry, eventually, in the end, I'll be the bad guy. Everyone's gonna blame me on the last day. It's just the position you're in by doing this thing. And again, I wish that wasn't the case. It breaks my heart when people get mad at something else and decide I'm the one who did it to them. Because I'm a voice in their headphones, then I they I feel famous to them. I'm not famous, like, Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm not important. I don't, I'm no more important than anybody else. But eventually, they'll focus on me and decide that I'm finding the problem. And it doesn't happen a lot. But when it happens, it's I find it tragic, because like, Oh, God, like, Are you this lost, I'm a disembodied voice in your ears. Like, I'm not really a part of your life, you know, like, I'm not impacting you. But some people are, you know, unstable to some degree and are really struggling. And that happens. But again, when that happens, I have a lot of compassion for it. But big picture of the podcast helps a lot of people don't waver I stay course, you know, so and I think

Melissa 20:26:51
that that's super important. And the tragedy is like they're they need, they need more help than what you could even offer

Scott Benner 20:26:57
I've tried, it's a number of times, I've been successful with some people, and but most of the time, it just, I just end up being the bad guy.

Melissa 20:27:06
And eventually, we did all we did cell phones, because you're going to attract the people, like all the other people in the community, from the Facebook group and the podcast, and it's just gonna weed itself out. It's just unfortunate that you're like taking shrapnel dealing with it. If you do

Scott Benner 20:27:21
what I do, and you want to be successful at it and actually help people, then the phrase, I can't help everybody has to be part of how you think about this, like, I'm going to do my best to help everybody, I'm not going to intersect well, with some people, those people are going to go the wrong way. And this is not my failing. And it's certainly not an indication of who they are. It's just we're not a good fit, like you talked about with a therapist or with your ex husband or anything like that. We're just not a good fit together.

Melissa 20:27:48
And we always learned that you cannot be all things to all people. Yeah, no, no, sometimes it just doesn't work out.

Scott Benner 20:27:55
I tried in the beginning, it made me crazy. So like, and by try to I mean, it was my intention. But that's where all the like the strife online comes from the end. By the way, it's where you get milquetoast content from, I'm not going to call anybody out, but from a large portion of this space, is that what you're doing is really well intended, sometimes very well educated people are trying to be liked by everyone. When you make yourself that boring, or milk toast is the right word. I just don't know if people know it. Like when you make yourself that bland so that nobody can have a problem with you, then you are not going to be able to properly deliver content to people in a way that's valuable to them. Like you know, when, you know, when you flip through tick tock or Instagram, and somebody pops up in front of you. And they're like, Hi, I have great advice for how to exercise with diet, like Did they just realize that people can't flick away from that fast and

Melissa 20:28:52
fast and don't screw up my algorithm? I gotta get rid of them. And by

Scott Benner 20:28:56
the way, who knows what they were gonna say next, probably really terrific advice. But you seem like a fake person when you're doing that, you know, like, and you don't just seem fake to, you know, very conservative people you don't just seem can speak to very like liberal people, you don't seem fake, you seem fake to everybody, because you are being fake, because you're not being yourself. You're trying to be palatable to everyone that doesn't work. So

Melissa 20:29:22
and I think that that's a really, you know, important part of the podcast in the conversations that you have with I'm gonna say random because I'm a random person on the Facebook portal. It's like a random person like me is that everybody's been there. You're giving them space to be their authentic self, so that they maybe have something in common with someone else is going to hear them and think, Oh, I needed that.

Scott Benner 20:29:44
Yeah, we need to hear everybody's perspective. Like everybody's and anyway, you're terrific. We've established I'm fantastic. Obviously. I'm going to I'm calling this episode juicy jaw. I just want to remind everybody it's about the thing, Melissa I said not about the thing I said about 711. Okay, so and

Melissa 20:30:03
I will say now when you get that feeling and something is like either grosses you out like I can't do blood, I can't do this. I don't have any of that. And if you feel the kind of way and you realize that your back molars are starting to water, you're gonna be like, that's juicy, John. That's what that is.

Scott Benner 20:30:17
Thank you so much Bolus, I appreciate it. Thank you, Scott. Oh, my pleasure. Hold on one second, I

want to thank the ever since CGM for sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast and invite you to go to ever said cgm.com/juicebox. To learn more about this terrific device, you can head over now and just absorb everything that the website has to offer. And that way you'll know if ever sense feels right for you. Ever since cgm.com/juicebox. Mark is an incredible example of what so many experience living with diabetes. You show up for yourself and others every day, never letting diabetes to find you. And that is what the Medtronic champion community is all about. Each of us is strong, and together we're even stronger. To hear more stories from the Medtronic champion community where to share your own story. Visit Medtronic diabetes.com/juice box. A huge thank you to one of today's sponsors, GE voc glucagon, find out more about Chivo Capo pen at G voc glucagon.com. Ford slash juicebox. you spell that GVOKEGLUC AG o n.com Ford slash juicebox. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. The episode you just heard was professionally edited by wrong way recording. Wrong way recording.com