Life Is Short: Intent meets Doubt

I've painted more than my fair share of rooms in my life and by all accounts, I've done a very good job. The trim is always straight and the walls are evenly covered. I don't skimp on primer and I have decent eye for what colors work where. Even with all of my experience, I'd be nervous to walk outside with a ladder and paint the exterior of my home. A job like that seems too big for me to tackle and I wouldn't want to take on such a monumental challenge unless I was sure that I could deliver a great result.

That's what sitting down to write Life Is Short felt like. I had writing experience even though it wasn't in the form of book writing. I had the determination and I was confident that my story was a fresh look at an interesting, emerging social issue. As I wrote I felt good, the words felt good coming out and the text was taking the direction that I'd imagined. There were benchmarks along the way, my publisher looked at that the first 15,000 words and provided feedback. She made me feel like I was on the right track, her support gave me the confidence to believe in the direction I chose for my first book. I was sure that my intent for the book was materializing on the page, I couldn't ask for more.

When the day came that my manuscript was due, I handed it in with a lightness of heart. The book really did come out the way that I envisioned. I was more than pleased with what I had written but I struggled to hold on to that positive feeling in the days after I submitted the file.

Soon my stress level was through the roof. What if they didn't like it? What if my writing doesn't measure up? Doubt rushed in and clouded my every waking moment. I began to experience a stiff neck and it's grip intensified each hour that I didn't hear back. I couldn't think about anything other then my manuscript. A week later I stopped wishing for someone to tell me that they liked the book, opting to hope for any response, good or bad. I needed relief and decided that it would be better to hear that people hated my book rather than hear nothing at all. I was quickly lost in the mindset of a sixteen year old boy who had just passed a note to a girl he liked. I wasn't able to wait patiently for her reply. Did I make a mistake trying to take on such a big project? Was my house now the laughing stock of the town? I should have stuck to painting rooms.

It is incredibly difficult to put yourself out into the world in a way that invites critique. In this case I wasn't prepared for how crippling it would feel to lay my heart out for all to see. I put so much of myself into my book, told so many deeply personal stories. I needed someone to either circle yes on the note that I passed or send it back so we could get the pointing and laughing over with.

I did not expect to feel so exposed by the process.

Some early reviews have been good and I've received a few wonderful personal messages from folks that are reading advance copies. Responses have been very positive and heart-warming... I am happy to report that I can once again turn my head completely to the left.

I expect that there will be people that won't enjoy my book and that some of them may well take to the Internet to voice their feelings, but I'm okay with that possibility now. This process has given me the confidence to say, and mean, "I wrote a book that I am proud of, some will love it, some will like it, a few may not - but I know it is good. Felt good coming out and I should have trusted that feeling".

Looking back I see that I couldn't help the doubt, but it didn't emanate from insecurity the way that I initially imagined. My fear was rooted in a desire to please the reader, to please you. I can see now that I care deeply if you enjoy the experience when you read. My fondest desire is for you to leave the text richer then when you arrived... nothing else matters. Today I'm confident that can happen. I'm no longer nervous, that terrible feeling has been replaced by excited anticipation. Look for my next entry, Life Is Short: Amazon sometime soon.

Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal will be in stores on April 2nd but you can Pre-Order today.

Why does basketball make Arden's BG rise?

Arden brings the ball down the court, passes and looks for a rebound. (video)

Last week during Arden's quarterly Endo appointment I brought up an issue that I had identified but couldn't figure out. I explained to our nurse practitioner that when Arden exercises her BG falls. Riding a bike, running around, recess at school, really all of the her physical activities decrease her BG... except sports.

I, of course, am aware that activity can cause a decline in BG but our issue didn't seem to be following that "rule". It took me a while to be able to see past the expectation that physical exertion would decrease Arden's blood glucose level. Inexplicably, I was having trouble with her BGs actually going up during basketball games and practices this winter. When I finally thought back, I realized that I saw similar BG trends last summer during softball.

Our NP asked about Arden's level of competitiveness, as she spoke I began to understand what she was getting at...

Arden is a very competitive little girl, when it counts. That is to say that if she goes out back with her brother to shoot baskets her BG falls from the activity as you may expect but when she is in a game, when there is a score being kept and winners and losers are recorded - Arden's BGs go up.

I explained to our NP that Arden entered her last basketball game with a BG of 125 and that by the end of the game, just one hour later with no food or carbs in her system, her BG was 220 and climbing. I was bolusing during the game, which was nerve wracking when you consider that the expectation is that there will be a fall from the activity.

The NP described to me that this is a phenomenon that they generally see with boys, then she turned to Arden and said, "so, you like to win huh?". Apparently it's common for very competitive people to access their flight or flight response (also known as 'the stress response') during a sporting competition. Their desire to win is so strong that they feel the game on a different level. Adrenaline is released and their body prepare to battle as if they are fighting for their lives.

Next week when we arrived at the gym. I am going bolus as if Arden was about to consume a 15 carb juice box (the ones we use for low BGs). I'm confident that the insulin begins to act it will find a rising BG to tussle with, if I'm wrong... we'll just drink the juice. I'll report back and let you know what happens... Never a dull moment with type I diabetes.

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DexCom G4 Platinum: Follow Up

It's been three months since I first gave my impressions of the new DexCom G4 Platinum CGM and two months since I published a Second Look piece. Today it's time for a follow up...

Overall I am quite pleased to say that everything that I previously reported to you about the G4 still stands as true. Signal distance is vastly improved, insertion is less of an issue from a pain standpoint and accuracy is often spot on. What then you ask prompted me to write a follow up? I wanted to share my experience with DexCom customer service and how they handled my call to tell them that the thumb pad on Arden's receiver was breaking.

Before I get to the thumb pad I want say that not long after we began to use the new G4 I noticed an odd video noise on the screen when the receiver transitioned from screen to screen. It happens mostly when entering a BG, a garbled image appears as the receiver switches from one screen to the next. I never noticed a decrease in the receiver's accuracy so I assumed that the video noise wasn't a critical issue and decided not to call CS over what I deemed a cosmetic glitch.

A few weeks later the thumb pad began acting up. The thumb pad is basically five buttons, up, down, left, right and center. The donut shaped disc handles the directional clicks and the small nub in the middle, selects. Our unit's disc began to not go back into place after selecting down. The disc would rock as it should toward the down selection but then never fully return to it's starting point. I felt like it was only a matter of time before the disc became worn further. I imagined that soon instead of just getting stuck in the down position the disc was going to pop out. I let things go for as long as I could and then I called DexCom this past Saturday morning.

I explained that the thumb pad was loose and getting worse. The kind woman on the phone asked politely if I had dropped it, we hadn't. She verified my address, apologized that it wouldn't be able to ship until Monday and explained how I should go about making the switch once the new unit arrived. The entire call took less then five minutes. It was very pleasant.

It seems that I timed my phone call almost perfectly as nine hours later, as we were preparing to eat dinner for the first time at Harold's in Edison, NJ, (you may have seen the picture on FaceBook of Arden with our "slice" of cake) the thumb pad fell out completely. I used a piece of packing tape to hold everthing in place until Tuesday. Here's what the unit looks like when the thumb pad comes off:

 

Initially I wanted to be annoyed that the receiver had issues after such a short time, but instead I took a more reasonable position. New technology is prone to issues like this, early adopters take a risk in my opinion. As long as the manufacturer stands behind the product and doesn't make its replacement a headache, I'm okay with stuff like this happening. I wish it wouldn't, but I understand. I hope that my issue is either isolated or promptly addressed by DexCom. Who knows, maybe it already has been in more recent runs of the product.

If you are seeing this issue with your unit, It's my opinion is that you can expect it to eventually become a problem that will need your attention.

Everyone Poops

Link is to Barnes and Noble

The Children's book Everyone Poops takes away the stigma of talking about bowl movements with your children. Both of my kids read this weird little gem when they were potty training and I hope that you did as well, because I got some shit to talk about.

The first time I thought that I was imagining things, the second time it seemed like a coincidence. I ignored the fact that Arden's BG seemed to fall after she, well, pooped. Then one day a few weeks ago Kelly mentioned it to me and last week I saw someone on FaceBook ask the question. Today, we are going to get to the bottom (pun intended and it won't be the last one) of this most vexing, strange, yet natural type I diabetes question.

Everyone poops, but is everyone's BG effected by having one in the chamber?

I'm considering making an addition to the endless questions that I ask when I can't figure out why Arden's blood glucose won't come down. In the past it was, did she eat something I don't know about, maybe I mis-calculated carbs, do we have a bad site and the rest of the usual suspects. I'm getting close to asking, "when was the last time you made a number two" to that list.

My parental detective work can only take me so far. I need help. I need to know the answers to a couple of more scientific questions that I'm hoping you may have some insight about.

• Does our waste material still contain carbohydrates?

• If yes, are the carbs being leached from the intestines?

• If no, what is it about having a belly full that could raise BGs?

This is the only hypothesis that makes sense to me but I am more then willing to believe that I am, you'll excuse me for this but, full of crap. I have witnessed this oddity consistently over a long enough period of time to say that we see higher BGs when it's been awhile since a BM. Moreover, these BGs always seem to drop rapidly after the completion of a belated constitutional.

So that's it. If you've noticed this phenomenon please leave a comment and share your observations. If you haven't, please keep your eyes open and report back with the skinny (thought I was going to say poop didn't you?).

Final Version of my Book Cover Revealed!

It's here, I'm giddy!

There isn't too much to say other then I am genuinely happy to be able to share the final version of the cover to my new book Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal here on Arden's Day before it appears anywhere else.

The cover will begin to populate on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and other seller's websites in the coming days and weeks along with new and specific page length information, chapter titles and much more. You can Pre-Order a paperback copy today, eBook readers will have to wait until closer to the release date on April 2nd.

I've added a new page to Arden's Day that contains all of the information pertaining to the book. You can reach it by clicking on the cover in the sidebar, this link or at the heavy-handed and slightly embarrassing, 'Buy My Book' tab in the navigation bar.

Thank you all so much for taking this crazy ride with me, look for a new blog piece about type I diabetes coming tomorrow morning titled, 'Everyone Poops'... I know, what could that be about?