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Scott Benner 0:00
Welcome back to another episode of The Juicebox podcast.
Amber is 34 she was diagnosed with type one diabetes about three and a half years ago. She's the mother of two children, and she's got a really interesting story that involves her family and her ex husband, and I hope that you enjoy listening to her today. Nothing you hear on the Juicebox podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan when you place your first order for ag one, with my link, you'll get five free travel packs and a free year supply of vitamin D drink. Ag one.com/juice, box. Don't forget to save 40% off of your entire order at cozy earth.com. All you have to do is use the offer code juice box at checkout. That's Juicebox at checkout to save 40% at cozy earth.com if you are the caregiver of someone with type one diabetes or have type one yourself, please go to T 1d exchange.org/juice, box and complete the survey. This should take you about 10 minutes, and will really help type one diabetes research. You can help right from your house at T 1d exchange.org/juicebox,
today's episode is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes, a company who's working to make the invisible visible through their blue balloon. Challenge life with diabetes is like doing everything in life while trying to keep a balloon in the air. The blue balloon is a powerful metaphor for the daily struggles that those living with diabetes go through. Medtronic invites you to join the challenge by taking a video of yourself balancing a balloon while doing something in your everyday life. Post your challenge on social media with the hashtag, blue balloon challenge and follow at Medtronic diabetes on Instagram to see other blue balloon challenge videos. This show is sponsored today by the glucagon that my daughter carries, gvoke hypo pen. Find out more at gvoke glucagon.com forward slash Juicebox, the episode you're listening to is sponsored by us Med, us. Med.com/juice, box, or call, 888-721-1514, you can get your diabetes testing supplies the same way we do from us. Med, Okay, whenever you're ready.
Amber 2:39
Oh, wait, okay, one more time. I'm sorry. Wait,
Scott Benner 2:42
that was the first time. No, that's definitely staying in just so you know, this is now the opening of your episode. Go ahead.
Amber 2:49
Hi. My name is Amber, and I have been a type one diabetic for three and a half years now.
Unknown Speaker 2:55
Amber, how old are you?
Amber 2:57
I am 34 you
Scott Benner 2:58
sound 34 isn't it weird that 34 sounds like something like when you listen to me, I don't sound 24 right? Correct? Yeah, you sound like you're in your 30s. That's so interesting. You're 34 and you've had type one for three and a half years. Oh, yes,
Amber 3:16
okay, right at the right at the break of
Scott Benner 3:19
COVID, right as COVID was happening, or as it was ending, as it was in full force. Did you have COVID Before you were diagnosed? So I had COVID before
Amber 3:29
it became COVID The December before the outbreak. I'm from a little town, and there was suddenly crazy sickness going on, and people were in the hospital for months on end, nobody could figure out what it was. Yeah, it was COVID.
Scott Benner 3:44
My wife talks about that all the time. She's like, Gosh, look back, people had COVID for a while. We didn't know what it was. And I was like, Yeah, I actually, to give my wife a ton of credit, she said to me, I don't know how long before COVID, like, maybe a month or six weeks before. She said, Hey, there's a bunch of people are sick in China. We're gonna get it here. And I was like, I was like, what? She's Yeah, it's gonna make its way here, a cow. She goes, Oh, it's a virus. She started explaining it to me, and I'm like, right? I said, but that's in China. And she goes, it'll get here. And I was like, Oh, she goes. She said to me, I swear to God, my wife said to me, in time, everyone on the planet will have had this virus that's wild. She should play, you know, she's like, a biology degree or something. And, um, I don't know, she gets paid every week. I don't ask a lot of questions. How it happens? You don't even and while she was talking, I was like, this one again, talky, talky. Talky doesn't know what she's saying.
Amber 4:40
She was onto something, huh? Anyway, I
Scott Benner 4:42
was kidding about that. My wife is almost always right, except when she's acting like crazy, and even then, she's right a couple of times. Yeah, correct. Yep. You may have already named the episode, but I'm not going to tell you yet. Okay, what I think it is, so is it called?
Amber 4:59
Wait? We, can we start over?
Scott Benner 5:01
No. How did you ask to start over when you hadn't actually started Welcome
Amber 5:06
to my brain. My friends love me. It's great. You were like,
Scott Benner 5:09
I was like, go ahead, whenever you're ready. And now, usually all that gets cut out, right? Like you listen to the podcast. What usually happens is, like, there's ads, and then you just go. You hear like, Hi, I'm Amber, and I'm 34 years old, and I was diagnosed, Bucha, right? But yours is gonna go, Yeah, it'll stop, and then people will hear,
Amber 5:30
Oh, my goodness, wait, that's so big, Wait,
Scott Benner 5:32
can I start over? I was like, all I was thinking was, wait, you started already?
Amber 5:39
This. This is me. My name is Amber. This is how my life goes. This is on a daily basis. Welcome, welcome. What
Scott Benner 5:45
do you mean by that? Tell me. Tell me about that
Amber 5:47
I am just what what you've heard so far. It's just literally me and my brain. It's it's an interesting place to be in my brain, my my kids love it, my boyfriend, everyone gets a good laugh at me, and it's all in they laugh with me, not at me. They say.
Scott Benner 6:03
They say it alright.
Amber 6:06
They say it's with me. I laugh at myself a lot. My brain is just an interesting
Scott Benner 6:10
place to be. Wow. I need an example, though. Well,
Amber 6:14
that would be the perfect example. And then I hadn't even started, I had already shut down and say, Wait, can we start over? And you're like, Wait, what just happened?
Scott Benner 6:21
Oh, there's a lot of moments where we go, what did Amber say? How does that relate to reality? Like that? Yeah. Oh, I can't wait to start talking to you. Then that's fantastic.
Amber 6:31
It's fun. It's fun your whole life, like that. Honestly, I think it's been in the last couple years I just, I have so much going on. My brain is non stop to where I just, I can't complete sentences. I don't always it's it's chaotic in there. It's chaotic. But I'm a busy woman, you know, and I just have a lot going on. And
Scott Benner 6:54
do you, what are your I don't usually start like this, but what are your blood sugars like? What's your range you stay in what's your A, 1c that stuff.
Amber 7:02
I sit my a, 1c sits around like 6.3 ish, I would say, what's hot? What's
Scott Benner 7:09
a high blood sugar for you,
Amber 7:10
like 171 80. I know some people are great with like a high being like 130 we're not there yet. I'm a work in progress. I my highs are, you know, my alarms are set at 170 and after that, I consider myself high.
Scott Benner 7:24
Okay, okay, well, your a one sees like 6.3 do you have a lot of lows? No, no, do not. So you're not 170 often, then maybe three hours a day, something like that.
Amber 7:37
Yeah, it's usually in the evenings. I tend to eat higher fat at dinner, and it's something I keep telling myself to stop doing, because at that three, four hour mark, my alarm goes off because I set it to 160 at night. So it's usually in the evening, sometimes after lunch. It depends. I normally eat the same thing because I work out a lot. I'm very consistent with my my working out and my eating. I eat the same thing almost every day. So anytime I kind of venture off, is when I, you know, sometimes I'll get a spike
Scott Benner 8:04
when you tell yourself not to do that anymore. Do you actually use the words or do you think you're going to say it? They go and then don't get it out. No, I
Amber 8:11
tell myself. But I'm also stubborn, so sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I'm just not paying attention. You know, I got two kids here and I got three cats and Amber don't pay attention. Tell
Scott Benner 8:21
me about the argument yourself is having with itself, about about fatty foods.
Amber 8:26
It's basically like, you know, whenever people want to quit doing something, they have that inner dialog and then whether they follow through with it or not. You know, it comes to that like your determination and your willpower. I have very strong willpower. I do a lot every day that I don't necessarily want to do. But when it comes to food, I'm like, Hey, we're not going to do this tonight. And then I'm like, oh my goodness, bacon sounds phenomenal. No, we
Scott Benner 8:51
are definitely doing this. Yeah, yeah. So this is your Is it fair to say this is the place where you're so in controls in other places. So here's where you cut yourself a break.
Amber 9:02
Sometimes I try not to cut myself a break with food. I mean, I'm, I'm really, really, really good with food for the most part. So I wouldn't say this is where I cut myself a break. I'm very strict with my eating. Yeah, I don't, I don't know what it is. Well,
Scott Benner 9:16
that was my other question for you, after what you told me so far. So eat the same things over and over again. Did you do that before diabetes?
Amber 9:23
I did so in my 20s, I had gained a lot of weight. I was pretty heavy. And then when I was 25 I started going through the process of going through a separation with someone, and then, you know, eating healthier and getting in shape. And then, you know, I became a single mom, and over the course, in total, I've lost 100 and I'm around like 110 pounds. So I had started to thankfully, I had started that process of learning about protein, carbs and fats and my macros well before I had diabetes. So once I transferred into it, that piece of. Puzzle was cake work. Cake work. Listening to me cake that. That part of the puzzle was very easy to me. Yeah. Also,
Scott Benner 10:06
it's cake walk, is the saying. But wait, this is, this is uncovering like a great conversation. So hold your thought there. Okay, but I'll hold it for you. You don't need to hold it. And now let's go back to you as a kid. Your mom had type one. My
Amber 10:24
mom, yes, she was a type one. She was diagnosed at nine before they really knew much. They actually she was in the hospital, and they shot her up with sugar water and put her into a coma for
Scott Benner 10:37
fun. No, they, they, I
Amber 10:40
guess she was not responsive because her blood sugars were so high. And I guess they gave her sugar water, thinking it would kind of like revive her and wake her up, and they put her into a coma for a couple weeks. What
Scott Benner 10:50
year was that?
Amber 10:51
6069, 1970
Scott Benner 10:56
maybe she's unresponsive. She needs energy. Sugar is energy like that. Oh, wow, yeah,
Amber 11:02
absolutely, put her into a coma. Yep,
Scott Benner 11:04
no kidding. Oh yeah. I was like picturing, I was picturing one of those old 70s TV shows about the hospitals and the ladies had the paper hats on it, sort
Amber 11:15
of probably, yeah, she was actually the first diabetic patient at her hospital. Again, small town, they didn't know anything about it. So, yeah, she became a diabetic very young at nine. And I've actually uncovered more lately as to, you know, the doctors in what they were telling her to do throughout her life. My mom was very, very sick throughout her life. So there's a lot behind
Scott Benner 11:38
that. Yeah, I want to hear actually. Do you mind talking about that? Because I think I don't want to give it away too quickly, Amber, but I think this story has to do with your weight gain, eventual divorce, and where we are now. Do you want to? Do you want to find out how? Why? I think that Absolutely. Do you think that
Amber 11:56
I think my mom and her, you know, everyday dealing with type one diabetes has had a monstrous effect on my life. I've actually had to go through a lot of therapy in the recent years because of it.
Scott Benner 12:08
But before we start in the recent years, are you Canadian?
Amber 12:11
No,
Scott Benner 12:12
are you in Minnesota or up north?
Amber 12:15
Am I having Do I have an accent? I
Scott Benner 12:17
don't know you just That was a weird turn of phrase. That's all
Amber 12:20
Oh no, no, no. I'm Floridian, born and raised that I understand. Now,
Scott Benner 12:25
don't worry about it. You just didn't put the words in the right order. It's not your fault. I understand. Okay, all
Amber 12:32
right. It's my brain. See, you will uncover my brain as we go. It's literally just my brain. Welcome to the Andrew show.
Scott Benner 12:37
It's very interesting. I that's all I'm having. Such a nice time people like you generally, I imagine, yes,
Amber 12:43
they do. I'm an interesting person to be around, and it's just my brain. I don't know. It's nothing I do different. It's just how it works. I don't know. No, you're incredibly
Scott Benner 12:51
likable.
Amber 12:52
Oh, thank you.
Scott Benner 12:53
I think so. That's delightful, too, that you're not like, Oh, that's okay. No, no, don't say that about me. You're like, No, I think I am likable. That's fantastic.
Amber 13:02
I'm pretty decent. I don't have a lot of friends because I'm so busy, but the people who I do have around tend to, they tend to like me, my dad, oh, my dad doesn't tend to care for me that much, but everyone else does
Scott Benner 13:13
pretty decent, by the way, decent meaning about halfway good, and pretty meaning halfway good. Like, you're like, a quarter excellent, is what you're telling me, yeah. All right, so let's go back when you're born, which is some 34 years ago, which I could figure out if I wanted to. So let's see. It's 2024 Oh, 1990 89 that's the year I graduated from high school. Holy hell. All right, so you were born in 89 and, oh, that's gonna hit me hard for a second. Give me a second. So you're born in 89 at that point, your mom is, How old do you know, or how long had she had diabetes? Already?
Amber 13:53
She was, I believe she was around 20 when she had me. She was also the first diabetic woman to give birth in a hospital. It was a huge ordeal. She was told she would never be able to have kids. So I was, I was the miracle child to my family, which meant I got so much love growing up from my aunts and my grandparents. But yeah, she was the first diabetic to give birth in that in that little town Hospital, in
Scott Benner 14:19
that hospital, because it wasn't like in Florida or America. She
Amber 14:23
was the first, we're from a very small town, yeah? Like they were,
Scott Benner 14:27
like, one of them lived long enough to have a baby like that, right? Yeah. And when I do that voice, is that the part of Florida you're talking about?
Unknown Speaker 14:35
Do it again. I don't
Scott Benner 14:39
want to insult anybody. But is it a little, I think people have never been to Florida. Don't know, like, there's a part of Florida that's like, you know Disney and Orlando, and there's a part of Florida that feels almost like Texas got a beach, you know what? I mean? 100%
Amber 14:53
Yeah, it's still around. Not as much anymore. Unfortunately, it's all being built up. But absolutely okay.
Scott Benner 14:59
Also. I've been to Texas, and I've never heard one person speak like that. But that's not the point. I'm just going on what I saw on television when I was a child. By the way, in those old hospital shows, the doctors would smoke cigarettes when they stood around and talked, yes, yes, they did, fantastic. I miss that so much. Mom has the baby. The baby's you. You're a miracle, because she's got diabetes and she had a baby. So how old was she when she was diagnosed? Now she was nine, nine. Okay? And this is obviously, like, she's probably getting well in that time. Do you even know? Have you ever spoken to her about it in regards what kind of I know? I'm sorry I stopped in the middle of my thought, my God, no. I'm like, No. I'm like, my mom. I'm like, You feeling what you think? I mean, her insulin. Do you know what she started with? Was it beef and pork? Was it regular? Mph,
Amber 15:48
that part? I actually do not know. Okay, so,
Scott Benner 15:52
was she born to people who were like diabetes? We'll take this very seriously. Yeah,
Amber 15:58
for you know, it's interesting, for the year prior, she had been complaining that she had been having issues, and they kind of just blew it off, thinking that she, you know, she was calling from school saying she didn't feel good, and she was always nauseous and vomiting and shaky, and they just thought that she was trying to get attention. So once they found out, they obviously felt absolutely horrible. And then after that, it was, you know, game on. They were 100% on board.
Scott Benner 16:27
Okay, they work out to the best of that times ability that she has diabetes. But did you say she was a sick kid? Was it about the diabetes, or was it other stuff? This episode of the podcast is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes, and this is Aaron.
Aaron 16:41
My name is Aaron Suchi Tori. I'm from Honolulu, Hawaii. I was first diagnosed with type one diabetes when I was about one and a half years old, and I'm 25 years old today. Who helps you keep your balloon in the air? Gone through this journey together with my mom, who's been type one diabetic for most of her life as well. What else have
Scott Benner 16:59
you found supportive.
Aaron 17:01
Having really great friends and support systems in school, I was very lucky. I had some great roommates, especially my freshman year. We talked for like three hours. I was explaining every little thing you hear this beep, it means this, there would be times where he would wake me up in the middle of the night to make sure I was okay.
Scott Benner 17:17
How did it feel when people knew how to use your Medtronic technology?
Aaron 17:20
Great to know that I had people that had my back. Medtronic
Scott Benner 17:24
diabetes is making the invisible visible through their blue balloon. Challenge. Life with diabetes is, of course, like doing everything in life while trying to keep a balloon in the air. The blue balloon is a powerful metaphor for the daily struggles that those living with diabetes go through. Medtronic invites you to join the challenge by taking a video of yourself balancing a balloon while doing something in your everyday life. Post your video on social media with the hashtag blue balloon challenge and follow at Medtronic diabetes on Instagram to see other blue balloon challenge videos.
Amber 17:55
It was about the diabetes. She had had it for a while before they diagnosed it. So obviously, with having the higher blood sugars all the time she was she was not feeling good.
Scott Benner 18:06
Do you know much about her care? Like, do you know how, like, what were her doctor's visits? Positive, generally speaking. Or, you know, by the time she was an adult, and they knew more about it was she just not doing well? Still, as
Amber 18:19
a child, I'm not sure. As an adult, I have learned more recently through speaking to my step dad and I'm, I'm honestly a little frustrated by it, because I feel like in these, you know, she passed away three she passed away right before I was diagnosed. Through the 2000s and especially 2000 10s, there's no reason she should have been getting the advice and the guidance that she was getting. It's a little heart heartbreaking like what? Whenever I was first diagnosed, I spoke to my step dad, and I was terrified of being diagnosed, because I watched, you know, everything my mom went through, which is something we can talk about. He said her ranges were always really good. She was always in range and never really had any issues. And then more recently, I said, Can you explain that, please? Oh, no. What it was was that I was, I was actually up in North Carolina not long ago on vacation with him, and he said, Well, you're at, you're at 99 and you're bolusing for your lunch. And I said, Yeah, why wouldn't I? And he said, Well, you know, your mom, the doctor, said you don't Bolus for your meal if you're under 150 and I said, Excuse me, yeah. And that's heartbreaking to me, yeah.
Scott Benner 19:26
And so the range, you know, it's funny. The other night, I was up in the middle of the night, Arden was getting up to go see the sunrise with her friends, which I was like, I would like to be in college and it'd be summer, because that sounds lovely, like, she's popping out of bed at 330 in the morning. She's like, I'm gonna go. And I'm like, Okay, well, it woke me up a little bit. And while I was trying to go back to sleep, I got online and I saw a person on in my group talking, and newer diagnosed person, you know, she's like, I don't know what's wrong with my kid. Has the, you know, kids got this horrible headache, and. And they use the phrase, her blood sugars aren't that something out of range or high or something. But you know, it turns out, once you read it, the kid's been between like 180 and 300 all day. And in that person's mind, this newly diagnosed kid is in range, yeah, because a doctor said to them, you don't want to be under this number. Whatever the lowest number is. You know, if a blood sugar spikes up even to 300 and it comes back down again, it's okay. So now you you give that person that feeling that the range is up to 300 and now her kids sitting around all day, you know, sick, horrible headaches, crazy, high blood sugar, and this person's looking and going, I don't understand. It's got to be something else. Like she was literally having conversations with people trying to figure out why little kids have headaches, but they weren't talking about the blood sugar correct and, and that's from the doctor, and this is what happens to your mom, yes, yeah, yeah. And so did you have the heart that explain that to your step dad, or do you not want him to feel like, oh my god, I stood and watched her do that forever and ever. No,
Amber 21:07
I did tell him that. I told him how upsetting and heartbreaking that was, you know, because I don't, I definitely don't feel like the doctors did her. They didn't do as good as they could have. You know, my mom suffered for a lot of years, and my mom always said to me, if you ever I feel like it's God's it's God's intervention. Honestly, it's so interesting, because my mom always said to me, if you develop type one diabetes like me, I will never be able to forgive myself. It will be so painful. And literally, months after she passed, I was diagnosed, but as much as I'm happy that my body waited for her to pass before, you know, doing its thing, I also wish that I had gotten it before, because I feel like I really could have helped her out a lot more. You know, I didn't really, even though she grew up, or I grew up with her having it, I never she tried to hide stuff from me. You know, obviously, she's my mom, but I wish I had known more to be able to help her more, because she's, you know, she might still be with us today.
Scott Benner 22:06
So you're saying that there's a part of you that thinks if I would have just gotten diabetes when I was 24 then I would have learned about this and been able to transfer to her, and she might have been okay then, oh, 100%
Amber 22:20
my mom was my absolute best friend, and I would have done anything, and if I would have known then what I know now, I feel like she could have still been alive to this day. 100%
Scott Benner 22:32
Yeah, well, I hope you talked about that with that therapist you mentioned earlier. Yes, I had good I don't want you walking around with that in your head, because you know why? It's one of those horrible things in life, you're probably right. Yes, yeah, it's not like a wish thing, where you're like, Oh, I just wish, if this would have happened, that teddy bears would turn pink and start walking around like, like, you're probably right. If you would have figured out that. Because you hear the podcast, people tell that story all the time. Yes, I didn't take care of myself, but then I wanted to get married, and you know, the person I wanted to get married to was like, I need you to take care of yourself. I love you. And they're like, Okay, I will. And then that happens, or a lot of times, adults have younger children who are diagnosed, and they realize that the blood sugars they're okay with for themselves they're not okay with for their kids, and then they take care of themselves too. And so that kind of would have been your story, just a little aged flipped, but, oh, I'm sorry, yeah, okay, let's not, let's not grind that into your head anymore. Yeah. How does she pass like? What? What ends up happening is, it's from the diabetes, obviously, but, but how so if you take insulin or so Fauci you are at risk for your blood sugar going too low. You need a safety net when it matters most, be ready with G VO, hypo pen. My daughter carries G VO, K hypo pen everywhere she goes, because it's a ready to use rescue pen for treating very low blood sugar in people with diabetes, ages two and above that, I trust low blood sugar, emergencies can happen unexpectedly and they demand quick action. Luckily, jivo kypo pen can be administered in two simple steps, even by yourself in certain situations. Show those around you where you store GEVO kypo pen and how to use it, they need to know how to use GVO kypo pen before an emergency situation happens. Learn more about why G vo kypo Pen is in Arden's diabetes toolkit at G VOQ, glucagon.com/juicebox, G vo shouldn't be used if you have a tumor in the gland on the top of your kidneys called a pheochromocytoma, or if you have a tumor in your pancreas called an insulin OMA, visit gvoke, glucagon.com/risk, for safety information. Diabetes comes with a lot of things to remember, so it's nice when someone takes something off of your plate. US med has done that for us. It's time for Arden supplies to be refreshed. We get an email rolls up and in your inbox says, Hi, Arden. This is your friendly reorder email from us. Med. You open up the email. It's a big button that says, Click here to reorder, and you're done. Finally, somebody taking away a responsibility instead of adding one us. Med has done that for us, an email arrives. We click on a link, and the next thing you know, your products are at the front door. That simple, us, med.com/juice, box, or call 888-721-1514, I never have to wonder if Arden has enough supplies. I click on one link, I open up a box, I put the stuff in the drawer, and we're done. Us. Med carries everything from insulin pumps and diabetes testing supplies to the latest CGMS like the libre three and the Dexcom g7 they accept Medicare nationwide over 800 private insurers, and all you have to do to get started is called 888-721-1514, or go to my link, us, med.com/juicebox, using that number or my link helps to support the production of the Juicebox podcast.
Amber 26:14
Yes, yes. So my mom had her first pancreas kidney transplant at 33 which is crazy because it's a year younger than me, and she had already had her first, everything was okay for only about six months. After that, it failed. She was right back on insulin and, you know, so on and so forth and through the years, it just progressively got worse. You know, she ended up having a couple open heart surgeries. You know, toes amputated. She had this joke after she got her first toe amputated, we had a we had a nail salon that we would go into, and the first time she was able to go in there again, did she took off her sock, and the guy who normally does her toes was like, Oh my God, what happened? She's like, do I get a, do I get a one toe discount? Like, she'd joke with them,
Scott Benner 26:56
I seriously, you should take the price divided by 10 and then take off just a temp, and then let me have it. I
Amber 27:03
agree. I agree. Yeah. So she, you know, toes amputated at one point. She became paralyzed from the waist down, but just woke up one morning and was paralyzed from the waist down. And she was paralyzed for almost two years. She was in the hospital for the first seven months. They never could really figure out what was going on. And then one day, she was able to wiggle what toes she had left
Scott Benner 27:25
again. What could you keep in the sense of humor alive? Good for you.
Amber 27:28
My motto is, if I don't laugh, I'll cry
Scott Benner 27:33
and make light of it, it just comes back. It just came back. Yeah? One morning, and people were like, Okay, go home. You're all set now, yeah, yeah. It literally almost
Amber 27:42
two years. And she surprised us. She got up out of her wheelchair one day, and we were like, oh my god,
Scott Benner 27:49
like the righteous gemstones. She just stood up. She just stood up. Do you think anybody knows that show? It's on HBO. I really enjoy it. Wow. No kidding, your mom, did she say it's a miracle or anything like that?
Amber 28:04
No, she, I mean, she was, she was really, she was really happy, and she worked really hard once she was once she started getting the feeling back, she went to physical therapy and regained her strength and was able to start walking again. It was never quite the same, but she was able to get up, and it was a huge thing.
Scott Benner 28:19
Your mom was paralyzed in a chair for two years, and then one day during the price is right, she was like, I think I could get up
Amber 28:27
correct. It was probably Gray's Anatomy or something. That was one of her shows. But yeah, she just randomly wiggled her toe. She's like, Oh my god, yeah. They
Scott Benner 28:36
never and nobody bothers to figure out what happened. It's just okay now, no, they,
Amber 28:40
they said it was diabetes related, that all the nerves and everything her her that, listen, that woman is beyond the strongest person I've ever known in my life. She had, she, she probably should have passed a while before, but she, she had such a strong will to live because of me and my kids, that that woman just kept pushing and pushing and pushing. So, yeah, she started to walk again, and she did it.
Scott Benner 29:05
How old was she when she did pass 52 Wow, too young. No, way too young. So, yeah, so she had a transplant that didn't take probably because it was done in a swamp, and then that's just how I imagined it. By the way, in a trailer with a gator outside,
Amber 29:24
we moved to a bigger town by then. Oh, okay.
Scott Benner 29:26
Doctors like, do we have to wash this stuff first? Nah, just shove it in there. Oh my gosh. She gets a transplant at a very young age. It doesn't, it doesn't work for her. It's terrible. And then she's keeping high blood sugars that she thinks are great because they're in range, right? Yep. And it reminds me, too, of a of a conversation I just had to get involved in on Facebook the other day where somebody was talking about how they like to keep their kids blood sugar higher because they feel better when they're higher. And I was like, Oh God, you obviously haven't found the podcast yet. And. So like, you know, I gave them some stuff to listen to. She lives her whole life like that. This is her end. And so what is the impact of that? Growing up like you said, she tried to hide things from you, but obviously, you're smart person. You see what's going on. Like, how do you think that impacted you seeing your mom like that? You
Amber 30:18
know, first I will say my parents did the best they could, right, like we're dealing with, you know, a serious illness. My mom was very sick. My stepdad was, you know, the breadwinner. It was me and two brothers. And, you know, it was a lot, you know, so they did the best they could. But, you know, when I was in high school and wanted to live like the high school life, and there was a lot I got to do, but there was a lot I didn't, because that's when mom, you know, at the time, she was doing at home dialysis. And you know, if I wanted to go out on the weekends with my friends, it was, well, what if something happens to your mom and she dies? You would never forgive yourself, you know. And you know, looking back, that's all, it's a it's a horrible thing to put on a kid like that, you know. But like I said, they did the best they could. They were scared something was going to happen to mom and she wasn't going to make it. And I was to make it, and I was out with my friends. They were thinking that they were helping me, because I would never forgive myself if I was hanging out with friends. And my mom passed away, yeah,
Scott Benner 31:10
and you're at school all week, and so this weekend is the time you can actually stay with her, correct? But
Amber 31:16
me being 14, 1516, you know, years old, I want to, I want to hang with my friends and, you know, so it was a, it was a battle in the home, and it created, that had been said to me a couple times, to where it actually created a fear in me that I was going to lose my mom. So then I created this, you know, I had this huge fear of my mom just passing away. And that really carried on to me, because as the years went by, my mom obviously only got sicker, so I created this huge, like, dependency on my mom. My mom and I were best friends. I did move away to a different town that was a couple hours away, but, you know, I was on the phone with her like all day, every day, because I became so afraid that something was going to happen to her, that I never wanted anything to be left on set, or I never wanted us to not make memories, you know. So, yeah, that definitely carried on to my adult years and into my relationships as a dependency problem. We're still working on it.
Scott Benner 32:11
I'm getting to it like so, yeah, right. So you have enough of a high school life that you're able to find a boy to ruin your life, right? You're able to pick one out that can definitely ruin everything for you. No, yeah, you're able to find him That's great. Yeah, you know the one thing before we get away from your mom, move into your kind of adult life that baffles me, and I'm not asking you like you have the answer to it. But when someone has diabetes and they have so many complications and so many things are going wrong for them, I don't understand how nobody addresses we're not we're not using enough insulin, or this wouldn't be happening, right? You know
Amber 32:54
what the doctors would say? Because my mom also, I mean, gosh, it just ravaged her body, right? She had a couple open heart surgeries, you know, they the doctor said, basically, it was, she was a huge puzzle, and it was, it got to the point where her poor body was just so worn out and just damaged that it was, whatever is the emergency at the moment. Because towards, you know, the last couple years, it was, mom was in the hospital three times a year, and then it became monthly, and then it became weekly. Yeah,
Scott Benner 33:22
no, at the end, sure, but in the crux of her life, her her emergency is she doesn't use enough insulin at the right times and like, and no one does, no one say that to her. Can she just not figure it out? And they're not helping. Do she have that? Like, I have the sugars? This is my lot in life, like this is just how I got the bad diabetes. Is she talking like that? I honestly
Amber 33:46
don't have the answer for that. I really wish I did, and I, you know, I would, I would, I've, I've honestly thought about reaching. She had one doctor for many years, and I've a billion times thought about reaching out to him and just setting up a meeting as me being the patient and going, Hey, dude, what the hell you know,
Scott Benner 34:03
like, a gotcha thing. He's like, so what are you here for? And you're like, you killed my mom, like, that kind of thing. Oh, that'd be fun. Bring a camera. I've really considered it, yeah, because, by the way, when you get arrested, uh, the headlines gonna be Florida, Florida woman, Shanghai's doctor in like, Yeah, and so, and there'll be great video of you ranting and raving as they drag you out the front doors of the place. Go for it, yeah. Okay, all right. So I think we understand her, her situation, and anybody who's known somebody older with diabetes like this is not uncommon. What happened to your mom is just not uncommon. Okay, so then we have to get to the part because a disconnected thought that you're very good at managing your nutrition, but you had, how much weight have you lost? Did you say All in all, 110 pounds. Okay, so first of all, wow, jeez. Good job. You know what I mean. Can I get some context for people? Are you? How tall are you? I am five, three. Okay, wow, yeah, okay, yeah, you're so tall. I mean, am I making a leap here? Your bad upbringing leads you to hooking up with a guy who eventually you realize you shouldn't be with. You got very unhappy, gained a bunch of weight and left him. Eventually, that happened.
Amber 35:16
Oh, 100% okay, well, when I met him, I was very tiny, but he is, excuse me, if I can, if I'm able to, he's half Cuban, half Mexican, and his family cooked the best food ever. Like, okay, oh my god. Suddenly I was having, like, fried steak every day, and rice and beans. And he was like, yeah. Like, he liked his girls a little bit bigger, and he thought I was really skinny. Anyways, so, like, you know, the food started piling in, and I was like, yeah, all for it.
Scott Benner 35:45
Were they fattening you up? Like, a Thanksgiving turkey? Do you think I
Amber 35:50
without getting too far into it? Yes. Like,
Scott Benner 35:54
if we could just get some meat on this, this Caucasian girl, we can let ourselves marry her. Yeah, I
Amber 35:59
was trying to, like, not make any I don't want to upset anybody. But yes, he liked his girls a little bit bigger, and I was really tiny, and they just fattened me up. And that was, it was great. The food was phenomenal. I don't regret that much of it. I regret some of it, but not
Scott Benner 36:13
all of it. And nice family time. And you enjoyed that part because your family was kind of chaotic, and maybe this was better, correct? I gotcha, yeah, yeah, okay, now I know how it happens. I've done this more than once, by the way. I didn't know he was Cuban, Mexican when I asked the question. I just kind of saw where the whole thing, I mean, in fairness to me, I should probably get whatever the like, like Oscar equivalent is for a podcast, because about eight minutes into this, I quickly put together how most of your life probably went. And I was like, Oh, I can go backwards and pick through the reasonings why she ends up. Yeah, it's my only skill. For people listening. Do you think some people are like, God, damn, is that? What just happened? Is that what I've been listening to, Amber just has a trajectory that is common, that's all you know, and basic, well, not basic, but I think, I think the problem lies. The way I get through things is I reverse engineer them. So I look at where I am and to get out of where I am, I think about how I got there. I just, I do that with everything, yeah? And then once you learn how to do that, you recognize that you can move forward into time, decide where you want to be, and then tell the story that leads to that. And then you can do those things and actually end up there. That's pretty good. Yeah, no, I've been doing that for a while. Like, so you now, most people would say, like, you just, you imagine where you want to be or something like that. But, and you know, your, then your, your actions follow. I take it a little farther. I've heard so many stories and like, what was the story that led the person to this? What? What were the big pieces that got them there. And then you can kind of mimic that in your own life. And you mimic it by when you make decisions. You decide, you know, left or right, or you know, yes or no, and you know, do I do this? Do I eat this? Do I buy that? And what gets me to where I want to go? Not buying that gets me to where I want to go, you know, not eating that puts me where I want to be, like that kind of stuff. And I find it works incredibly well. But then you can use that skill to diagnose people's lives too. And people will call that generalizing, but anybody who's hearing this and thinks, oh, he's just generalizing. I mean, I did get Amber's thing, like, 100% right? So, yeah. So you call it what you want. I call it storytelling in reverse. Okay, so you meet this guy, you gain some weight, have a couple babies gain more weight, yes, yes. And then he leaves you. You leave him,
Amber 38:55
No, we moved. We moved to a different town, and then that's when everything changed, which honestly, probably saved my life. I was pretty unhappy at that point, and everything was very stagnant, and we moved to this new town, and I, you know, joined a CrossFit here, and gained a new community, and I actually joined an Olympic lifting team, which was, you know, comprised of mostly women. So then I had that, that women's support, and it completely changed my life, you know. And I just started eating better and getting in shape and feeling better about myself. What were you unhappy about? You know, him, and I met when I was 1920, years old. And through your 20s, it's a big time of growth, you know. And we just kind of, you know, grew apart, and he was very traditional in the sense of, you know, dinner needs to be on the table every single night at this time, when I walk through the door and you take care of the kids and you take care of the house, but what he didn't realize is that I also work a full time job. I also do this, and now I'm trying to work out to lose weight, and like, you can pull some of the weight in the house too. And that was the biggest issue. Is, you know, all the fights really started because that dinner was not on that table at six o'clock when he walked in the door, because I was at the gym, you know, after I'd gotten off work and picked up the kids, that
Scott Benner 40:10
man threw his life away for a warm meal, correct? Yeah, he didn't have to warm up.
Amber 40:16
How about that? And it sounds, it sounds like it's very simple, and like no way, but yes way, I promise you.
Scott Benner 40:21
And do you think also you trying to get into shape? He thought you were going to leave him and maybe he was mad at you working out.
Amber 40:28
Well, it's fun. No, it's funny, because once I started losing weight, he told me that I was going to look like a man and that he wanted me to stop because he liked me heavy, but I wasn't healthy. I wasn't healthy and I wasn't happy, and this was something I was doing for myself. And he didn't want that. He wanted his women thicker. And, you know,
Scott Benner 40:46
I have to tell you something. I'm gonna go down this road with you for a minute, because I'm fascinated by this. So I understand if somebody has a pro what's the word I want? Proclivity, yeah, preference. That would have been good, too, a body style, right? Like, I understand that. Like, you look at something you're like, that's attractive to me and that's less attractive to me, like, I get that like everybody has things they're attracted to. But I don't understand how you say to somebody, I love you, but only if you look like this. That always flips me out. I can't imagine she's gonna hear this one day, it's okay. I can't imagine what would happen to my wife, where I would stop loving her because of how she appeared. Like, that's interesting to me. Like, if she lost every you know, ounce of fat on her body, and she was super thin, and I was like, I don't really love this. I don't think I'd have that thought even, like, I've never changed how I felt about my wife as she's aged. It's so weird to me to have such a desire around that specific thing that you'd blow your life up over it. It doesn't make any sense to me at all.
Amber 41:52
I think that it's not. It sounds superficial. And I feel like, if you have that really deep love, that it shouldn't there. You know, there's going to be times where you look at your partner and you're like, that's not as attractive. Like my boyfriend, he's growing out of mullet. I know you're going to love that because I'm Florida, of small town, and now I'm talking about a mullet. He's going out of mullet. His last hair cut that he got, his hair was a little bit shorter on the top, and I'm not the biggest fan of it, but I'm not going to stop loving him. Or, you know, he's lost some weight because he's doing a certain type of training. I don't love him any less. I think that's insane. Yeah,
Scott Benner 42:23
it really does sound insane to me, but I think a lot of people feel that way. You know what I mean? Like you're how you look is part of what I think about you. I
Amber 42:32
think that these days, with the social media, I will preach that until I'm in my grave. The social media, it has such a big impact. And I think the problem is, is that we're looking at people all day online, and we're comparing and it's easy to distract yourself in that way, to where you're suddenly any little change in your partner, or at any time, you could just be like, That's not as attractive. Because what I'm seeing online is, I think it's done something to people's brains.
Scott Benner 42:58
I'm telling you that whole part of your story that's to me, the this is the the family putting weight on you on purpose, and it being so important to him that he was willing to be like, I'm not interested in this. If dinner is not available and you're not chubby, you know what I mean? I guess we call it thick, right? And thick. Like, I'm, like, is it more polite to say thick? I don't know. Like, so, like, I don't get that, like, I just, it's, I think that's the craziest part of your story so far. Really, yeah, to me, to me, it really is, like, it's just, I don't know. I really, I don't know how to explain that. I guess I like thick women too, but I can't imagine that would
Amber 43:37
I just don't be a deal breaker, especially if you're in love with someone and love someone, it's crazy. I
Scott Benner 43:42
love you, and we have children, but not if you lose 40 pounds. If you were to lose 40 pounds, I don't see how I could love you or these kids anymore. Want to stay here, especially if there's not going to be hot beans when I get home,
Amber 43:52
correct? Yeah, put it in the pot. We're good. But you know that's and honestly, you know all of that was, you know, the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm very happy. You know, I have beautiful children, and, you know, we still co parent very well, but us splitting up, I honestly felt like my life was over when I was with him towards the end. I just I wasn't happy, and so it was the best thing that happened to both of us, and we both live happy, separate lives now. So it's fantastic. It worked out great. Is
Scott Benner 44:19
he with a big girl,
Amber 44:22
she's probably, yeah, a little bit. She goes for the bigger women. Yeah,
Scott Benner 44:28
I'm okay with that. I'm asking. I don't want you to be in a situation where he, like, went and met a girl it was like, five, 410, pounds. He's like, actually, I really love this thin girl, like, like, because that would be hurtful. Do you know what I mean? Yeah,
Amber 44:41
it wouldn't bother me either way at this point, maybe a couple years ago, but not anymore.
Scott Benner 44:46
I need the context. I'm so sorry. I know when you talk about weight, sometimes it makes people upset, but this is context. I don't mean you. I mean the people listening. You're cool, I can tell. But contextually for the story, I think it's important before you meet mama, feed. Me, you're five, three, and you weigh, how much it was, about 115 pounds. Okay? And then once you get married, what weight are you married at 220, get out of here, really? You you doubled your body weight.
Amber 45:14
I gained 60 pounds the first year we were together, fried
Scott Benner 45:18
steak, huh? I just deep fry steak. And that's what happens. I put what I rice and beans and steak and
Amber 45:24
plantains. It was really good food. And So
Scott Benner 45:27
walk me through that a little bit like, because I'm gonna guess right in the beginning, you get jiggle your thighs and hips, maybe your boobs get a little bigger, or something like, they get a little round belly and everything. It's cute and all like, like, that whole thing. And you're you're liking it for a while, or are you immediately, like, what is happening to me? At first,
Amber 45:45
I was like, this is this is a little much. And then I kind of just forgot about it. The thing was, was that I was so consumed in my relationship, and so just like, 100% in there with him, that I kind of forgot about myself and I wasn't looking at myself.
Scott Benner 46:03
You turned into like a doll that he enjoyed, and you knew he liked the way billion
Amber 46:07
percent. I always used to say, I feel invisible. I feel like I'm not even here. And it's sad, but it's the truth. So, yeah, I didn't even notice all the weight I was gaining because I wasn't paying attention, right?
Scott Benner 46:17
So now, in fairness, is that his fault, or is it a thing that felt good to you because you you're loved and, like, there's, you're getting all this acceptance and everything. Yeah, it
Amber 46:29
felt good to be loved. And yeah,
Scott Benner 46:31
100% okay, all right, wow. You shocked me by the doubling of the weight, though, that's, that's, like, an accomplishment, like, meaning you can't, like, you can't do that by mistake. You know what? I mean,
Amber 46:45
I loved the I'm telling you, it was such good
Scott Benner 46:49
food. It really was the food. It just got you, like, you didn't get the body part, you didn't like it was cool that he liked it, but you were, you just really enjoyed the eating.
Amber 46:58
Yeah, oh, I couldn't stop. I had, I had zero self control. No kidding,
Scott Benner 47:02
and okay, and is that? But that's back now, because when you listen my opinion, you guys didn't just get divorced because of the dinner thing, like you were already unhappy. Like this goes all the way back to the first minute you met him like you you would run your course. I think that's the bravest thing that people will take out of this is that you, you got out of this pretty quickly, you know what I mean, and most people would have hung longer. But why is that? What about your personality? Let you go? You know what? I don't care. Like I'm not doing this anymore.
Amber 47:35
That's interesting. I it's it's funny because I, I allowed things to go on for so long. And then one day, I just woke up and I said, Hey, this sucks. You know, I've wait not wasted. You know, no time is wasted, but I've spent majority of my 20s very unhappy. And I, you know, I just, I kept saying to myself, I only have one life. I only have one life. He's not the one going in the grave when I die. I am I'm too young for this. I'm miserable. This is crazy, you know? And I kept telling myself, until one day I woke up and it was like, it was like, my like, how people do affirmations, my like, daily affirmations, where Amber stopped living like this, stop. This is crazy. And then one day I just woke up and I said, Hey, Amber, you're right. This is crazy. Let's get out of here. You're
Scott Benner 48:24
able to make that decision to leave because he's more concerned with his needs and how you physically look than he is with your happiness or your health, correct,
Amber 48:34
right? Yeah, he started to make it easier and easier, you know?
Scott Benner 48:38
Yeah, I understand. It was that cultural on his part. Do you think in some ways it was Yes,
Amber 48:43
yep, okay, you're
Scott Benner 48:45
not a person. That's
Amber 48:45
a good word. Yeah, I was trying to figure it out. But yeah, yeah, you're not a
Scott Benner 48:49
person. You're You're the ladies butt jiggles the way I want it to who brings me dinner? Correct? Yeah, yep. And you can I? Can I ask an uncomfortable question? Go ahead. I can't believe this is what I think is an uncomfortable question after all the rest of it. But really, I should have asked you that before every question I've asked you for the last 20 minutes, but are you having sex with him right up till the end,
Amber 49:12
probably until about six months before? But even then, it was like once, like we would, I remember one time we went, like, four or five months, like, and that's, and that's what was so upsetting, was that through my 20s, I'm literally having sex once, this once every six months. Like, it's, I was like, This is crazy.
Scott Benner 49:31
Like, so whose decision is that to only do with that infrequently? His, yeah,
Amber 49:37
his, he, uh, yeah. I mean, I could, I could go deep into that, him telling me that I was, they got to the point where he told me I was too fat, but then when I lose weight, I was, he didn't want me to lose weight, but I, you know, I couldn't do this because I was too fat, and I couldn't do this because it wasn't attractive, and, you know, it was non stop no matter what it was, some sort of comment, you know. So even it just, it just couldn't happen. Holy Christ,
Scott Benner 50:01
it was a lot. That's fickle. Yes, yeah, I hate double your body weight for me. Oh, too far. What? Yeah, don't lose weight. You look masculine. What? Like? That's how it went, Yeah,
Amber 50:12
even to this day. You know, we've been separated five years now, and I remember last year he made a comics, I've lost all this weight, and he told me how small my butt was. And I was like, Hey, this isn't your ass. Walk away. It's not your ass. Dude.
Scott Benner 50:26
Can I call this episode not your ass? That's fantastic. Well, how long you've been apart when he he felt comfortable commenting that your ass got smaller,
Amber 50:36
that was at four years. But it's been, you know, all through he's made comments just because he feels like he can.
Scott Benner 50:43
And you take that because you're co parenting, yeah,
Amber 50:46
I mean, it's not, it's not too often to where it's too big, given an issue. And then, you know, if he tells me a comment about myself, I tell him there's no reason his boobs should be bigger than mine. So I just kind of get him back and walk on he's very insecure about that. So that's I hit him where it hurts on that. I gotta
Scott Benner 51:01
be honest with you, if I told a lady everything about me for a certain amount of time, I'd be very nice to her for the rest of the time, because I'd be like, she definitely knows how to make me upset. Yeah. Well, that's fascinating. Like, I don't, geez, and you're characterizing this as we co parent, well together.
Amber 51:16
Well, that's, you know, for the most part, we co parent. Well, once in a while, he'll make a comment, and I just kind of, I'm a very passive kind of person. We, as far as the kids go, we do fantastic. You know, it's not, it's not near what it you know, we do. We do good. There's just that once in a while comment where I just kind of have to dig back into them, and then we go on with our life, you know,
Scott Benner 51:36
how are the kids doing with, like, their body structure?
Amber 51:39
What do you mean? I
Scott Benner 51:40
mean, are you feeding them differently than he would have, or is is he? Are the kids going from like, some like, really well controlled, thoughtful nutrition, to like, fried steak? Are they? Are they able to, like, How's their weight? I guess I'm asking, yes,
Amber 51:53
their weight is good. He doesn't even cook. So you know, my son, he just turned eight, he gets upset and says stuff to me often, because 90, I would say, 98% of the meals going into our bodies when they're with me, I cook. I home. Cook everything, right? But the dad doesn't cook. He takes them out to eat. So I get the comments once in a while. Well, how come Dad always takes me out to eat, and you never do and I want to go here and I say, because I feed you healthier, and I've had conversations with him because, you know, now you're going with my mom being a type one diabetic. I'm a type one diabetic. I have many, many autoimmune diseases in my family, and food is very important when it comes to that kind of stuff. So I've had conversations trying to get him to feed them, right? And it just, it falls short every time, and I just do the best I can. Isn't
Scott Benner 52:44
it weird too, that all of this turmoil in two people's lives around food, and he's not concerned with putting that on the kids I know. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you would think you'd step back and go, you know, I'm unhealthy, you know, my desires put all that weight on her and and it caused all this problem. Like, does he? Does he know that's why you're divorced? That's a good question. Or does he just think you got like, Cranky one day and left him think, you know what I mean? Like, poor women, women have, like, listen, everybody gets it from one way or another, but the way women get it is just terrible. Does he just think she got bitchy and I'm not married anymore? Does she realize this whole, like, this story we've laid out? Does he know all this happened?
Amber 53:30
I've had conversations with him, and even when we were together, like I used to, you know, I'm really, really big on open communication, and let's, like, work through things. And, you know, through the years, I would say, hey, like this is where we're at. You know, what can I do to help this situation? You know, from my end, here's what you can do. And I always tried to talk things through. But his, his core belief was that we are together, and that's it, you know. And to where my belief is. As the years go by, people change, they grow, and you your relationship is something you always have to nurture, and that's something I tried to do while with him. So yes, after, even afterwards, you know, we would have conversations of trying to navigate through a relationship, of where it went wrong, and it always came out as, you know, I just up and left because I couldn't do it anymore, and it was like, Dude, I cried to you for two years. Hey, we need to fix this. We need therapy. We need this. You know, let's, let's try something. And it was no so, you know, from his end, it's just, I up and left one day. But that's, it's not even close to the truth, but so interesting.
Scott Benner 54:31
That's, you're so nice to share all this. Thank you. And it's, it's very, very interesting. And I do mean nice, like, because you think you're the only, you don't think you're the only one with this story. Do you know you don't mean, like the manipulation based on your weight. I think young kids would call that gas lighting, but I dislike that word, so I won't be using it all the words these days, too many words. But I mean he, he pushed you in a direction and then said, you know, then the romantic love part. Goes away one way or the other, and it's, Oh, you're too heavy now. Or, like, you know, I mean, because that that's not, by the way, that wasn't the case. Like, how, like, what was your heaviest weight? 220,
Amber 55:09
last time I went on the scale? Okay, so
Scott Benner 55:11
you doubled up, and that was your highest weight? Yeah, yeah. So how could he say because that was because, if that happened in the first year of your relationship, how could he say to you, then you're too heavy now, like, I'm the same heavy I was prior, correct? Like, so go. I'm gonna have to do an episode with Eric about it. There's an actual thing that happens, like, when romantic love happens, it's like a brain chemistry thing, like a hormonal response. Like, there's a whole like, psychological process that happens in there, and then eventually it like it actually does burn away, like, like it changes. So that part changes for him, and then he blames you, like, I don't feel this way about you anymore. It must be because you're something it's because you don't bring me dinner, or it's because you look differently than I wanted you to. Man, I gotta tell you what. I have never been in control of a situation off where I could tell somebody how to look it sounds like it must be just a powerless situation, like, I just like, seriously, like, and you were so young, and your life wasn't great growing up and you Yeah, and you took it and you would never take that again. Now, is that right? No, no, no, yeah, you learned a hell of a lesson
Amber 56:20
I did. I did learn a lot, yeah, so, Jesus.
Scott Benner 56:24
Okay, all right, so I forgot you have diabetes. And then, so, like, a couple of so then you get, you get COVID. Before COVID, the thing, you're a trendsetter. And then you get type one. And how does that present?
Amber 56:38
Yeah, I started. So my mom passed away in August, and then, you know, obviously I'm extremely depressed in that time, I will tell you. But okay, in that time, I was actually in another I was in a bad relationship, but I was just in the beginning. I was, I was in the beginning of a bad relationship. I was only like four or five, six months in. My mom passes away, then my aunt, who is like my second mother, has a heart attack and passes away a couple months later. So I am absolutely struggling. I'm working like 70 hours a week. I'm trying to deal with their deaths. I have, you know, a bad relationship that I'm in, that COVID kind of put us in together, and we were struggling, and then I was just getting sicker and sicker and sicker, but I was blaming it on I couldn't understand what was going on. You know, obviously the clear signs I was drinking a ton of water. I had to have freezing cold water with me at all times, and chewing on ice, and I just nauseous all the time, and I was lethargic, but I thought it was because I was working 70 hours a week, and I was super depressed. And, you know, I finally went into the doctor and I said, Hey, I can't so they took my sugar I was at about six, I was around 600 and they said, go ahead and go to the hospital. And they put me in ICU, and then I was in there for a week, and they did all the testing, the C peptides and all that, and then they diagnosed me as a type one about that.
Scott Benner 58:04
Jeez. Wow, that was quick. I don't want to go backwards, because I felt like we were done with this. But when you picked up the second bad relationship, there were the same things happening, no, just different, different bad things.
Amber 58:17
Yeah, yeah, he was, he was in recovery, and I didn't know that at the time. Can I say the word he was a in recovery for heroin. Okay? I had no idea. And then when COVID happened, I met him right when COVID happened, and, like, a month later, everything shut down. So then he started, like, hanging out my house every day. And eventually it just turned into, well, you're here. You might as well move in. And I didn't find out until 456, months in, he finally had told me, and then I started finding things. He was drinking really heavy, and, you know, doing like, I don't know if you ever heard of like, kratom and all that kind of stuff. So he started using different things again. And then it got really bad, and it took me a while to be able to get out of it.
Scott Benner 58:57
Wait a minute, because you moved in, he had you because you were in no he moved into my house. Oh, my God, never What are you doing? Listen to me. Girl. I know everyone. Hold on a second. Do we need to do a first of all, kratom, I didn't know, a tropical evergreen tree in the coffee family, native to Southeast Asia, is indigenous to Cambodia, been used as our herbal medicine. Like I can get high with that. Wait, you
Amber 59:22
can, you can? It has heroin like effects, and it's and it's legal. Oh,
Scott Benner 59:27
okay, all right, hold on a second. Okay, listen. All right. Here's my message to the women out there. First of all, if you hear the word kratom run, okay, yes, and and everything else, heroin. I just want you to be heavier. I need you to look like this. You know, will you play, will you play PlayStation with me for 12 hours? I don't care. Like, listen, I don't want to out a whole, a whole group of people. Boys are we're dangerous, okay? Like, that's the first thing. Like, and they, Oh, my God. Like. Your girls have got to be careful. Okay? Like, yeah, it's not good. Okay? It used to just be. The boys were just driven by sex. At least you could tell the ones who just wanted to be with you for sex. Now, there's so much happening. Like, it's fascinating. He doesn't leave his house. He doesn't do this. He can't go outside. He's got, you know, he's he gets uncomfortable around like, I don't know what to do. You go into the middle of the country to try to find like, a corn fed boy who's not scared of anything and he's doing meth. Correct? Correct. I mean, what are you looking at? What's the secret tell the girls? Have you met a nice boy yet?
Amber 1:00:36
I have. I've been in a relationship for a year now. He is a godsend. Describe
Scott Benner 1:00:42
him just with adjectives. Now forget him from it. Just describe him with adjectives. Is he quiet? No, no,
Amber 1:00:49
he is goofy, respectful. I always get this wrong, chival shift, chivalrous,
Scott Benner 1:00:55
chivalrous, yeah, it's that yeah with a visual chivalrous, say it, go, let it roll out. Yeah,
Amber 1:01:04
kind considerate. I could, I could. Probably, does
Scott Benner 1:01:09
he drink? Probably, is he a drinker? No, no. Is he get high all the time? No. Smoke weed once in a while. Uh, he used to, nope, not, but not now. Okay, I see, is he what they call mature? Yes, this is the word you're looking for girls when you're out there thinking of giving your flower away, what you're looking for is a mature person. Otherwise, do not start making babies with dopey guys. Okay? Like, because they're not going to be mature enough to be good fathers and husbands and stuff like that. You got to let them get listen. You can be with them while they're goofy and everything, but like, they got to be mature before you make a baby. That's all. These are my these are my bits of advice. I don't know how to explain it, especially 1817, 1819, 20 into the mid guys are just trying to get laid. Like, correct, yeah, yeah. Please, be careful. Be careful. Don't make a baby with dopey boys, please. Yeah, this is all and if you've already made a baby with a dopey boy, you got to fix him. And it's not that hard. Even we're very malleable. What your life's been a Is it better now?
Amber 1:02:20
It is now, yeah, I went, I went through a lot, and I've gone through a lot in my life. And I'm proud to say that, you know, my life is pretty ordinary now. It's really leveled out. I'm in a phenomenal relationship, you know, I have both my kids here with me, and have a great job. And, you know, I label it as living a mild life, and I'm okay with it. I
Scott Benner 1:02:40
love it. When you were younger. Do you think you were trying to live an exciting life
Amber 1:02:43
when I was a teenager, I was definitely one of the wild ones. But I think I was rebelling from being held down a lot. And, you know,
Scott Benner 1:02:51
you said something earlier about like, living that high school life, and I thought that's a thing I did not care for, that I was not a thing I was looking for when I was younger.
Amber 1:02:59
Oh yeah, I did it. You know, for the most part, I had a pretty, you know, good high school experience. And you know, my daughter, she's turning 15 next month, and she's right on in there, wanting to live that high school experience. And so it's, you know, it's up to me to really try and guide her, yeah, so we're trying. I just went school after.
Scott Benner 1:03:16
I just wanted to get the hell out of there. I wasn't looking to hang around have an experience with anybody. Use the word mild, yes, I have to tell you, I think that might be the key. Seriously, like mature boys, mature boys and a normal life, and not to look at it as a boring thing, yes, right? Yes, yes, yeah, because you're surrounded by people you love, and you're working for them, and they're working for you, and that you love them they like people. Don't know this, but I asked you to switch rooms before we recorded, and you walked into a room and just kind of surprised your son. He looked up at you, and he was like, he told you he loves you, like, it's like, the first thing he said to you when you went walked into the room, yeah. What market you want? That's my point. You don't need crate. Is it kratom with a K? You don't, yes. You don't need kratom. If, if an eight year old boy looks at you and the first thought in his mind is, I love you, mom. Like, there, that's good. Like, what do people think life is?
Amber 1:04:17
Yeah, you know, to go back to the point that I made earlier. You know with social media is that everyone thinks these people live these such lavish lives, and then they want to aspire to do that. But if you really slow down and count all the small things that add up into a nice, calm, loving life, you want people around you that love you and you love them unconditionally. You know you want to, you know, have yourself a decent job so that you can have you don't need this lavish home, this huge, you know, I live in a small, little house, but we're happy. It's cozy. And it's the small things. I have a loving boyfriend, my cat. I'm literally cat lady. They won't leave me alone. Get you a loving animal. And it's the small things. Yeah,
Scott Benner 1:05:00
I'm telling you, I watched, you know who Mr. Beast is?
Amber 1:05:03
Oh, my son. My son keeps talking about, okay,
Scott Benner 1:05:07
well, listen, this, this, he must only be like, 26 years old, right? Okay, he starts, he starts a YouTube channel when he's a kid. I think 13. I think I've watched a documentary about him. He builds it to this massive thing, right? And he learns along the way, he doesn't seem to be driven by the money. So if he made money on his video, he'd put the money he made on the video into the next video. And he started getting more and more popular to the point where, like, his videos are like, these 20 minute productions that look like, you know, they were put on by Paramount Pictures at this point. And, you know, any and it's fun stuff, but it makes a bunch of money. And then he branched out and started doing like he has, like a channel where he does philanthropic things. Well, a week or two ago, his latest philanthropic video popped up in front of me, and he basically just went to three different countries and built 100 houses in each one of the countries. Oh, my goodness. And these houses are by American standards. They're not much bigger than something that a wealthy white person would keep their lawn mower in, okay, but like, but it's still, you know, 25 by 25 and, you know, has a pitched roof and heating and water and like, all this stuff, right? So he's going to these places where people are living under tarps in some situations, right? And he puts up these solid homes that are raised up off the ground, have water, electricity, you know, with a, with a like a, what's that called panel? Why can't I think of simple words, solar panel, Jesus Christ, a solar panel, right? He takes the people away and brings them back a couple days later, because these houses don't take long for the crews to put up. And they come they they're told they win, like a trip or something, and when they come back, there's a brand new house on their property. And these people's responses, I almost cried through a whole goddamn video, like because it felt they had a look on their face that said you'd have to give an American kid $900 million to make them look like that, right? And, and one of the kids was like, Is this bed for me? That's all she said. And I was like, Oh. Like, I was like, Oh, my God. Look, she's over. She's over. Like, the father was like, Thank you. The mother's like, I can cook here. Like, you know, like, it all, just like, and then at the end, he heard that this, this one guy lost his transportation, so we got him a like a motorcycle, like a dirt bike, and the guy, like a grown man, hugged him, like he saved a parent. And he goes, You don't know how this changes my life. And so the Mr. Beast guy goes, Wait, this motorcycle is gonna he doesn't know. He's like, 26 he goes, he's like, this is gonna change your life. And he wouldn't bought a motorcycle for everybody in the town. Oh my goodness, right? And I'm like, Oh my God. Like these people, they have so little. They understand what you're trying to explain to people who feel like there's so much to have, that everything they don't have is a failure. Like, I'm not driving a Lamborghini, like the guy on YouTube. I'm a failure. I don't have this chain. I'm a failure on these shoes. I'm a failure. I didn't go to this college. I'm a failure. I don't make I mean, do you know how much money people want to make coming out of college. Now, kids come out of college, they expect to be making $150,000 a year. Like, and when they and when it doesn't go that way, they're like, I haven't taken this job. Like, wait, what? $20 means nothing to people at this point. I'm still freaked out by that. Like, I, I know that. Like, like, I get that you walk into a convenience store and a soda is three bucks and a sandwich is $10 and $20 just seems like a sandwich and a soda, but, yeah, it's a lot of money. It's hard to make $20 you know, you know, yeah, it's
Amber 1:08:54
scary, yeah.
Scott Benner 1:08:55
I heard somebody recently say, I don't know if I want to get that. It's like, a they raised the price by $20,000 and I was like, Well, no, you obviously don't want that thing anymore. Like, like, What are you talking about? And they're like, Well, yeah, when I when I first looked at it, it was this much and announced $20,000 more. I'm like, Could you afford it the first time? And they're like, no, but, but, but. And I'm like, there's a button here. Like, what's the butt? Exactly like you couldn't afford it. Now it's 20 grand more. Now you're still thinking of a way to try to do it, like you can't afford that, and why? Why would you want to put yourself in that bad situation? And I don't know, I think you're right. I think, as crazy as it sounds, because I'm old, it started when we started telling people how much athletes made. That was a big mistake. In the 80s, yes, that guy makes a million. Because back then it was a million dollars. My God, that makes a guy makes a million dollars a year. And then you're like, and then people started being like, he doesn't deserve a million dollars a year. And then some people said, Well, yes, he does. He brings in ticket sales. He does. Deserve a piece of that. And then that whole conversation starts happening, except people get confused that they are living that life, and you're not living that life like you don't get a piece of the pie when you go to work, you get a salary. And you know, maybe that's right, maybe that's wrong, but you're not changing it. And then all of a sudden, you're like, this job sucks. I'm not going to be wealthy one day. Yeah, yeah, either. Most everybody like, interesting, yeah. And you see that, you see how it's hurting people. Oh, 100%
Amber 1:10:33
you know. And I, and it's scary for our kids that we're raising and being around this kind of mindset. And, you know, I try to, you know, with my kids, it's making sure that they understand that you don't need everything in the world to be happy. You need, you know, you need to be with your loved ones. And you know, it's the small stuff that counts, you know. So I try and work on that with them, because I don't want them to grow up and be those kind of kids that always feel like a failure because they're not right out of college making $150,000 a year, you know, yeah, right?
Scott Benner 1:11:01
Or like, have these crazy hobbies or things that like everything, everything looks like a YouTube video. Like every moment of your life needs to look like a YouTube video. And I don't mean for other people even. I mean for you to think it's valuable, yeah, that's sad. Okay, all right. Well, what are we going to do? Should we all just jump in the river?
Amber 1:11:23
Should we just give out in the Florida River? Yes, you want to get bit by a gator and
Scott Benner 1:11:27
then surrounded by a boat instructor that will eventually swallow me days later?
Amber 1:11:32
Yeah, go into the Everglades. That can certainly happen. Oh
Scott Benner 1:11:34
my God, I don't understand why you people like I don't understand why anybody lives there. But okay, although I've seen videos, and people look very happy. So it's pretty hot. It's pretty I can't it's so it's summer right now, 2024 in case you're anybody's listening to this later. And I know it's become unfashionable to say, like, I think there's global warming, but it's, like, really hot. Like, yes,
Amber 1:11:59
every year it gets hotter. And I say it wasn't as hot last year as it is this year. I feel like I say that every year. Yeah,
Scott Benner 1:12:05
I don't know that. Listen, I can't tell you if it's cyclical or anything. I don't know the details about it, but I don't think we should be arguing that it's hot because it's like, what's it like? Over 100 degrees in the in the upper Northwest last this week. And that's not normal, right?
Amber 1:12:21
Now. We have a What time is it? It's 10 o'clock right now, and we have a it feels like 95 and it's 10 o'clock in the morning. We haven't even hit one o'clock yet. Yeah, it's nine. It feels like 95 out here. I'm like, what
Scott Benner 1:12:34
my son went to play basketball last night. And I was like, you have enough to drink? He's like, 24 like, and he's living here again for a little bit while. He's teaching himself some stuff, because I'm glad he works out, and he uses basketball to work out and everything. I'm like, But yo, you got enough, like, liquid with you? And he's like, Yeah, I'm good. And he like, showed me, he really did. But he was leaving the house at like, six o'clock at night. It was still in the mid it was in the mid 90s, and the humidity was 50% and he got home, I know you're laughing because you're in Florida, the humidity is 100% but, but he got home and he's drenched, and he's like, Listen. He's like, I gotta get in the shower. He's like, but I said, How come you played tonight? He goes, because the humidity is supposed to be 75% tomorrow. He's like, this was like, my one chance to work out this week, like, running. He's like, because it's going to get worse and worse this week. And I'm like, oh my god, yeah. Anyway, I don't know how we got down this road. You, this is great. You gave a great interview. You're fantastic.
Amber 1:13:30
Thank you.
Scott Benner 1:13:31
I really like, Yeah, I like you a lot. Yeah, that's why I was upset when you said you were born the year I graduated. I was like, I was like, I could, I could, really, I could get rid of my wife and get a lovely girl with two Cuban, Mexican, Caucasian children. We could have a nice life together down in the swamp. Well, yeah. Plus, although I could, I could, let me say this, this is no disrespect to anybody, but if I moved to Florida, I could keep my chameleon outside most of the year you could, yeah, you could. That's attractive idea to me. You could. But seriously, like, I not flirting with you because some creepy person is going to be like, Oh, at the end, he flirted with her. I wasn't flirting with her. I was trying to point out that she's, you're really lovely.
Amber 1:14:18
Thank you. I
Scott Benner 1:14:19
appreciate it. No, no, you're enjoyable to talk to, and you're smart, and you see the world. And you took control for yourself. You made it through a bad thing, and you came out the other side a couple of times. You could easily be running around trying to figure out what Kratom is for yourself, but you're not. And what a ridiculous word, by the way. Yeah,
Amber 1:14:39
I know. I use, I use working out as my therapy. Yeah,
Scott Benner 1:14:43
good for you. Yeah, really, fantastic. Well, I don't know. I just want to thank you and ask if there's anything you that I didn't ask you that I should have.
Amber 1:14:52
No, I this was wonderful. I was super nervous to come on here today, so I appreciate you having me and making me comfortable. I feel like we had a fantastic conversation.
Scott Benner 1:14:59
Oh. Excellent. That's my goal. Also, I feel bad because if you were already nervous as soon as you got on, I was like, Oh, do you not have a headset? And you're like, wait, I'm sorry. And I'm like, wait, don't start. It's okay. Hold on. I
Amber 1:15:10
was going into full panic.
Scott Benner 1:15:11
I know you were. I'm like, no, calm down. Like I was like, I said, stop. Do two things for me. First of all, chill out. This happens a lot. We're gonna work it out. I don't want you to worry about it. I can hear when people start, like, scampering around the room, like slow down. It's okay, by the way, for everyone else who's listening, and I'm assuming Amber doesn't know this too, when you sign up to be on the podcast, there's a paragraph you should read it. It tells you you need a headset with a microphone.
Amber 1:15:40
Yes, there is, and I did read it technically back when I booked this and I was the last couple days, I had actually been looking for that paragraph, and I couldn't find it. So I was like, I feel like it said I needed these headphones, but I couldn't find it. Can
Scott Benner 1:15:53
I ask you one last question before I let you go, sure your physical appearance is completely different than it was before now, right? Yes, absolutely. How does it make you feel? Are you happier about the health aspects, about the strength, about the vitality part? Do you care about how you look like? What's the real human feeling about having lost weight?
Amber 1:16:16
What I will say about losing weight is that a lot of you know, especially women, feel like, when they lose weight, that they'll feel better about yourselves, and to an extent you will. But the thing that doesn't lose weight and the still, the thing that still needs work, that people don't understand, is your brain is still the same. You may like the way you look, but you still are going to need to do the inner work, because you could be a skinny, in shape person. Whatever was bothering you before mentally is still going to be there. I love my body. I am in the best I'm 34 I'm in the best shape I've ever been in. My muscles are ridiculous because of, you know, losing weight and everything, and working out all the time and eating healthy, my blood sugars are much better, which obviously also equates to less stress. So all around in that aspect, I'm healthy and happy, but your brain is still something you will have to work on extra, you know, as well as actually working out. If that makes sense, yeah,
Scott Benner 1:17:11
and you are at this point, you're pointing your internal turmoil at working out instead of food. Is that right? Correct? Okay, absolutely.
Amber 1:17:19
Yeah, it takes a while to build a healthy relationship with food, because we, we use food for emotion. We were raised on that birthday cake on your birthdays and celebrations, and food, food for parties. And, yeah, you know, we're raised on that, so you have to really make that disconnect, and that takes a lot of time and a lot of effort. Yeah,
Scott Benner 1:17:38
I haven't, so I asked you because I do a diary. I don't know if you've heard it or not, but like, I'm using a GLP, and I've lost like, 47 pounds the last like year and a half, right? Thank you. And I make a diary every time I shoot the GLP, I sit down and talk for a couple of minutes before I shoot it, and it's just like, stream of consciousness about what happened that week, trying to lose weight, or, like, something I learned, or whatever. Really don't want to use the word journey, but something I use I've learned, like, during the journey, I got this very passionate kind email from a person who basically told me I can't talk about my weight loss like this, because there are some people who have eating disorders and, and I'm like, Look, I don't want you to feel bad, and, and, but I mean, if I just tried to put myself, I tried to remove myself for a second, and the first thing I thought was if I had an eating disorder when I listened to a podcast that said, GLP, weight loss diary, like, I feel like, I feel like I would be like, that's probably not good for me to listen to now, but, but okay, like, you know, I think I understood the person's perspective, but I wish they understood mine, which is, I'm literally just telling you how I feel correct if I parse every word I spoke about so that I made sure that no one eating disorder to any other, you know, impact that somebody's had in their life, if I parse every one of My words so that I don't make anyone potentially upset. What you're gonna get is, Hey, welcome to the Juicebox podcast. A couple of ads, I'm gonna say some banal crap about diabetes for five minutes, and the podcast is gonna be over it, and you never hear Amber's story correct, because I didn't say anything to you today that you were like, oh my god, I can't believe he said that. Correct. Like, as a matter of fact, the way I categorized you, you most of the time, were like, yeah, that is exactly what's happening, right, right? I get that that could be difficult for someone to listen to, but it doesn't make it a thing. You can't say. It's almost like, I almost think of podcasting like comedy on some level, like you can't go to a comedy club and ask a guy not to make an abortion joke, because that's gonna happen, right? Like, you can't stand up in the middle and say, I've had an abortion. This isn't funny. Well, no, to you, it is definitely not funny. I get that, right? But you can't quell comedy because it's important, you know, like it's important socially. And. If you, if you try to make it so that no one's ever offended by it, you're not gonna have comedy anymore. And I think the same thing about these conversations, like no one's gonna sit down on on, you know, Nightline or 2020 and talk to Amber about what happened to her. But in the course of this hour 20 minutes, we heard that her mom was diagnosed with type one diabetes before management was any good, and doctors watched her kill herself her whole life and never helped her. As a matter of fact, she thought she was doing okay for most of the time. If you listen to the to her stepfather's like retelling of it, they didn't think they were doing anything specifically wrong that had a significant impact on Amber, who then threw herself into another situation that then had a significant impact on her 10 years of her life, right? You got to hear a story about about a man basically putting weight on a woman so that she was more like physically attractive to him, and then got her to a weight where he said, You're too fat for me, like, Holy hell. Like, that's crazy, okay? And then you have babies with that person, and then you have to pull yourself out of that situation. You have to repair your health, you have to figure out how to take care of your kids. You're not going to hear this on 2020 because they're going to be busy saying things very nicely so that nobody gets upset. And you want these conversations, you should want these now. Is someone gonna listen to this and be like, This was very triggering to me. I'm gonna guess, right? But sure, I can't make a podcast that everybody's gonna be okay with because there's 1000 of them out there. You should go listen to them. They're very boring, and nobody listens to them like we went over the real things that happen in your life. It's not my fault that the guy did that to you. I just asked the questions that got it out there. You know what I mean? Correct? Yeah, I
Amber 1:21:50
I agree. Thank you. I
Scott Benner 1:21:52
need somebody to stick up for me once in a while, because, yeah, no, you're fine. I
Amber 1:21:55
think that if you don't like, you know what you're hearing, which no one's going to like everything that they hear. It's just as simple as hitting the off button. It's that simple. Yeah, I
Scott Benner 1:22:03
don't understand it. I listen to things all the time I don't like, and I get halfway through and I go, this sucks, and I turn it off. Yeah, just think I suck and turn it off. But if you don't, then listen and you're gonna get, like, an honest conversation with Amber, and you're gonna hear me ask questions. Where sometimes I'm like, I don't really understand what's happening here, or I have a really strong reaction to this, or whatever. You know anyway, trust me, I said Jesus Christ at one point to something. You said, I lost 25 listeners. They're like, I didn't know he's gonna take the Lord's name in vain today. Like, you know, like, and keep that in mind that I'm not unaware that by saying what I think I'm gonna lose somebody. I lose somebody probably every 10 minutes. I gain a person, but I probably lose a person too. I could speak in a way that would keep everybody here, but all I would be doing is keeping you all in the middle of a boring, uninteresting conversation that doesn't really move your understanding anywhere. I mean, seriously, what I heard from you today, I'm grateful to have heard it never occurred to me that I could have looked at a woman, told her I loved her and said, but if you're if you weigh more like, it never occurred to me to say to her like it would have never like. And now I'm realizing there's probably people out there that like, look, I want you to get breast implants, or you should, you should do this or lose weight, or, you know, if you really want to be attractive, you should be doing this like I find that really, I was stunned by that, you know, yeah, so anyway, I really appreciate you sharing all this. That's all I wanted to say. Thank
Amber 1:23:35
you. Yeah, thanks for having me. I really appreciate it. It's my pleasure.
Scott Benner 1:23:37
Hold on one second. Okay, you
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