#351 Three's Company

Come and knock on my door!

Jeff, Scott and Kristin (I know right? Three people!) have a deep conversation about type 1 diabetes, life and t-shirt slogans.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends this episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the Contour Next One blood glucose meter and touched by type one, go to touched by type one.org. Or Contour Next one.com. To find out more.

Today, I bring to you a tour de force in podcasting. two guests able to speak at the same time. Hmm, what's that? You say? That's different Scott? Yes, it is. Kristen and Jeff are on the shows today. Their parents of a child with typed on their parents, Christina and Jeff are me a drink. Let me just start over here. Kristen and Jeff are on the show today. They are parents of young Tess who has type one diabetes, and they're up for some deep conversation. So this one just, I love it. I hope you do too. Please remember, while you're listening that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical, or otherwise, please always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan for becoming bold with insulin, alright, settling. A lot of goodness in this one. We're gonna say that music. I love it.

Unknown Speaker 1:42
Dude,

Kristin 1:45
this is fine. You actually talked back when we're listening to you in the car. I'm like, but but now I'm like, Oh, he's right here.

Scott Benner 1:53
Let me just say I think it's really positive that I don't speak back to you while you're listening to the podcast. Okay, yeah, I mean, your doctors would be thrilled to know that that's not happening. So we are already recording and in a second, I'll just ask you to introduce yourself. You guys were interesting in as much as that you had a fairly like cogent idea for what you wanted to talk about on the podcast yet the podcast never really have cogent like plan.

Jeff 2:25
Yeah. Plus, that was like six months ago.

Scott Benner 2:27
Hoping you forgot. Yeah.

Kristin 2:31
We did. We made notes. We we got into conversation last night about it. That's about as much planning as you're gonna get.

Scott Benner 2:37
I think that's perfect. I think that the reason the reason there are a lot of podcasts, nobody listens to us, because they, they try to make everything perfect. till they're reading, you know. So you know what, I'll let you introduce yourself in a second. But I don't want to lose the thread for a moment. Okay, let me let you know what No, no, forget it. Go ahead. Introduce yourselves first.

Kristin 2:57
Well, actually can ask a couple of housekeeping questions super quick. Yeah, sure. Um, I have a one o'clock appointment. And so I have to kind of leave it like 1230 1245. What's your feel on that? What's your read? Like,

Scott Benner 3:12
Oh, God, if we're not done by 12? Okay. Let me be certain to tell you that if we're not done by 12, or 1215, one of us is woefully far off.

Kristin 3:24
Okay, that which is a great segue into my second question. We're not allowed to cuss.

Scott Benner 3:29
Right, I can't curse. I mean, if you really feel it, let it go. I'll beep it out. I don't have a problem. I don't have a problem, to be perfectly honest with you. If you curse on iTunes, it eliminates a bunch of countries. And so I don't curse so that I can have a more worldwide show. I would love to curse. Most of my life is cursing. And if I if I did a episode The way I normally speak, I honestly believe no one would listen to it. Or I'd have a completely different group of people as an audience.

Kristin 4:00
Like I'd lose their mouth too. So I got to kind of watch it.

Unknown Speaker 4:03
No idea. Yeah,

Jeff 4:05
I mean, these poor souls in Eritrea that wonder why they can't get basal rates? Correct.

Scott Benner 4:09
You know, India actually is one of the places and there's a lot a lot of people be surprised where the podcast is listened to. It's kind of crazy.

Jeff 4:18
Anyway, great. I think that's awesome.

Kristin 4:20
It's actually a really big study that just came out of India like 41. I have like only 41. But T one D kids and families were were looked at in India, I thought was really interesting. Anyway. All right. Here we go. Introduce yourself. I am Kristin Harkey, and I am Jeff Johansen. Okay. Okay, hold on. No, wait. You see, you're already on there. Kristen. You didn't want his last name or he didn't want you to have it or you were just Well, I love the Harkey name. We're not married. What's the deal? No, we're definitely married. We've been married 12 years. And I just have always been Kristin Harkey, and so I just figured I would navigate through this life. Being Christian Harkey,

Scott Benner 5:01
I have to admit, I agree with you. My wife wanted to keep her maiden name and I we were so young, I kind of pounded about it. I think that's the only reason she has my last name. I think if she would have said the same thing to me. Five years later, I would have just been like, Yeah, whatever. I don't care.

Unknown Speaker 5:17
Yeah, we all girl, we all we all change.

Scott Benner 5:20
Okay, so, Kristin and Jeff. Married for 12 years. Any kids?

Kristin 5:26
Yeah, so we have the one we're wanting done. Um, her name is Tess and she is a third grader. And she was diagnosed when she was four. So just in preschool, so we're coming up on our fifth year as T one D parent

Scott Benner 5:39
tests like Robo tossin or

Unknown Speaker 5:42
no TEST TEST like tests like Tesla.

Scott Benner 5:46
Know, your your, um, your accent got me there for a second.

Kristin 5:49
Oh, gosh, it really comes out, doesn't it? No.

Scott Benner 5:53
I thought Chrissy just like put put that kid's name into a letter generator. And they're like, that's a color toss. I just figured Jeff was drunk when you asked. He's like, yeah, that's fine. Toss it. So test is in fourth grade. Now.

Kristin 6:07
She's in third for and she was diagnosed at age four. That's a right after a birthday.

Scott Benner 6:13
That's where the four came from? Yeah, January.

Kristin 6:18
What year? 2010 2014 2014 2014? Oh, right.

Scott Benner 6:24

2010. She was born.

Jeff 6:26
December 2010. born January 2014.

Scott Benner 6:31
And you guys are drinking robot tossin not naming your kid.

Unknown Speaker 6:35
No joke, at least do well with that instead of Rob.

Scott Benner 6:43
Okay, so all right. So I first of all, are mad respect on the one kid thing? I think it's a it's a brave and

Kristin 6:52
we were a little late to the game. I was 35. And she was born. So that was part of the reason to?

Scott Benner 6:57
I see. I see. I understand.

Kristin 7:00
We took our sweet time. Well, you know, and we were both working. We were really in kind of full career mode for a long time. And, and I you know, I was working in an executive chat kind of nonprofit environment. And Jeff has been a veterinarian and in emergency care for over 19 years, 19 years, just

Scott Benner 7:21
a veterinarian and the emergency care is around centered around animals. You're not like a dual citizen doctor small animals. Okay? No kitty cats and dogs. How many times do you see a small animal that's hurt in an emergency situation that you look at smile at the owner and go, just give us a second and then you close the door and think I can't help this animal? Is it like they're like, do they?

Jeff 7:44
Well, you don't start from that point of view. I mean, they you know, you try to get a good assessment, a good judgment about about what's doable, help them with the options and just be there. So I don't do emergency anymore. I've kind of transitioned out of that. But I did did work as an emergency vet for 17 years and

Kristin 8:02
for the first decade of our marriage, he was working overnights and weekends. And so for those first couple of years of tests his diagnosis that was really rough, you know where it was like he wasn't he wasn't there. But then he was there another amendments? Oh, yeah.

Scott Benner 8:16
Did you feel like you couldn't sleep when you were by yourself? Whether they're,

Kristin 8:20
uh, you know, sometimes not. Sleep is not a problem of mine typically. And this predicts calm to Yeah, this was pre pre those days. This seemed like the wild west to us now

Jeff 8:31
roll the dice and hope she wakes up.

Unknown Speaker 8:33
Yeah.

Scott Benner 8:36
I've had that thought. Like, I've walked back into the bedroom before Dexcom. My wife's like, how's it looking? I'm like, I think she's gonna make it till tomorrow.

Jeff 8:43
Right. I beyond that. I can't make any promises. Yeah.

Scott Benner 8:46
Laughter Yeah, it really is really a strange to think. Like, once you've seen a quick fall on a CGM graph. And you think back to when you didn't have one. You think that happened before I knew how fast it was falling? Like what stopped it before? You know? Yeah, I know, this is off topic for a second, but I'm just wildly interested by this for some reason. And, Jeff, if I don't ask you, I think it'll stick in my head the whole time. We're talking How frequently do people not do things with their pets because of cost? that the that the animal needs? Does that happen a lot or not particularly?

Jeff 9:23
Um, it does happen. I think, you know, there's a lot of pet owners out there and not everybody's necessarily in financial position for themselves, or for their own families much less unique. Add an animal to the mix. And so you know, part of what we do is really to try to, to not force people to think there's only one way to deal with this, you obviously want to provide them with a gold standard plan, but if that's not gonna work, then you try to tailor something else that's going to work and I think, you know, that kind of gets that's part of the challenge of what we do too is working within the owners means because we See the animals don't show up with their own credit cards in the in the pocket.

Scott Benner 10:04
Yeah, by the way, if the world gets to that, I think we're in trouble. But

Kristin 10:08
probably, yeah. Jeff Jeff's world is the Bretton Spanner that is fascinating to me, where for years, he could walk into an examination room and be meeting with a farmer who has a dog that has a hurt foot, and well, that dog is now useless to the farmer, right? And then he can leave that room, go into the next examination room, and there's maybe somebody there with a 16 year old cat with cancer, and they're willing to spend $10,000 on that cat, you know, so it's, it's just such a pendulum just such a big swing. It's not at all like human medicine in that way. Yeah.

Scott Benner 10:41
Yeah. It's just it's kind of fascinating to me, it's not nearly what we're going to talk about, but I just it's it does strike me that that's such an odd, and you just encompass that perfectly what I was thinking like, it's

Jeff 10:50
there are also some regional differences, too, you know, you go to the big cities, and some of the cost of the care is just, you know, it's spiking. Yeah. You know, we live in a fairly small South southeastern town and I'm city, but you know, fairly reasonably priced here. But you get into the major urban centers, and it can get very costly, very quick. I have considered sometimes I've seen my veterinarian, leave the room for a second. And I think, Where's she going? Oh, you know what? She's calling

Scott Benner 11:18
to read a book. She's cutting that out. She's calling Chevrolet to let them know she can make all three of her back payments. Like like my dog just came in, you know? Don't come for the car. I worked it out.

Unknown Speaker 11:29
Scott's dog has an ear infection.

Kristin 11:32
Yeah, I don't I don't I have to say when I'm at a bar with Jeff and someone walks up and says, Oh, you took care of my animal. I'm like, Oh, God.

Scott Benner 11:41
Which way is this gonna go? And now I'm divorced, because we're broke. Thanks so much. Anyway, all right. So So test is third grade now. She's had diabetes for is it five full years?

Jeff 11:54
I fall here in January. It'll be fine. Yeah.

Scott Benner 11:57
Okay. Yeah. Okay. So listen, I this is a unique scenario. Because the Jeff Christian have technical technology on their end, like Pete, this is this episode is going to screw me up guys. Because everyone's always like, I want to come on with somebody else. And I'm like, No, I don't have the technology for that. I'm sorry. But yeah, but you have technology on your side that made it doable. But most people don't. So, anyway, please don't send me a bunch of emails and say, now that you can have, but you know, if you can set it up on your side, let me know. But, but what did you guys when you first reached out? What were you thinking? Like, this is what I want to talk about on the podcast?

Jeff 12:38
Well, I guess I don't hear enough, from the both perspectives, I feel like, you know, what I've heard on the podcast is one person's take. And I guess in real time with someone here to fact check me and, you know, inspire me to truth and goodness, I feel like, there's something about the impact of this, this illness on on couples, specifically that that was kind of where my angle was, and, you know, not necessarily looking at it as a therapy session, but just kind of wanting to get a message out that this is hard on couples. And you know, we always try to paint a unified front now out in public, and, you know, things are going great, because you don't want to go into all the, you know, things that sucked about the morning or right, um, you know, the hard times you're going through, you just kind of put a happy face and just keep going and, you know, take care of the kid. And so, I feel like we're good at that. But it's just something that we're doing that I guess I wasn't, I wasn't hearing that perspective. And I am a pretty avid listener of your podcast, I get I get to drive myself to work and listen to podcast. Kristen has the kid in the car all the time. So

Kristin 13:51
I'm primary caregiver for Tess's care. And we can kind of get into that because I think how things are delegated between couples is really interesting. And I also think, you know, the backdrop that you just sort of heard us summarize that we were both very career minded for quite some time and Tess's early, early years. And then when she was diagnosed, in a lot of people's view, we kind of downgraded, you know, like I switched jobs, I fell into a very fortunate situation where I actually work at Tess's School, which is elegant in so many ways. But, but Jeff, meanwhile, has has sort of transitioned out of the emergency care work and into a day practice. And that's because we need to change this to our hours. Yeah, but then that also changed, you know, what we're bringing home and, and some of the money is like, oh, already a stressor in any relationship. So to have it feel somewhat compounded by something that was out of our control, you know, I just think I think that's a unique area in this and then don't even get me Started on insurance companies and how we have to spend time on the phone with them. And Jeff really takes on the insurance and the medical distributor, this bution and the pharmaceutical side, you know, where as I'm doing more pod changes, and more morning care, and then I'm at school. And so I'm the one popping in and giving her insulin to cover lunch, etc. So it's just a strange world tapestry that we've woven, you know, no,

Scott Benner 15:32
no, I I've said before, that soon after Arden was diagnosed, we went in for care and was diagnosed when we were away on vacation. So we had to come back home and then go to, you know, an appointment with the endo. That was near our house. And after the it's funny, almost that episode after the appointment. Isn't that crazy? Like, episode one. So after the appointment, the doctor asked for our kids to leave the room, she kept my wife and I behind I've said it before, but it fits really well in this episode, and she says, look, you guys have to go to couples counseling. And I thought in my head, I was like, how did she can she hear in our house? Like, how does she know that? You know? And and she's like, because, you know, the incidence of divorces like one in two in America, it immediately goes to one in three, if you have a chronically ill child, or two and three, if you have a chronically ill child, it's like, my odds just got worse to stay married. I was already like, you know, be married. It's not easy. You know? They mean like, I don't.

Kristin 16:33
Yeah, excuse me being appearance Not exactly, yeah,

Scott Benner 16:36
yeah. Yeah. Anyone who thinks married, being married as easy hasn't been married long enough to know what they're talking about. or your spouse is woefully lying to you on some other end, like you're saying things and they're just like, annoyed by you and never let you know.

Kristin 16:49
It says it. I think it just takes an incredible amount of self reflection and forgiveness between partners. I mean, on a daily, sometimes hourly basis, you know, and I mean, I have, yeah, so I mean, like, I'm not here to give relationship advice, right. Like, that's not what this is about. And, and Scott, please don't start into that world. Okay. But I would say that, you know, the trick is just not blame each other, you know, that took time for us to learn, I feel like and you know, and I'm certainly still learning this. And then the other tricks I would offer are, you know, get angry at the disease, but not at each other. It's so tempting to just want to like lash out when you're really having a thin day a day where you're just struggling so much, you know? Sure. I mean, maybe one last trick would be to try to give each other breaks. But that is so hard. That is so hard. We have struggled a lot with just finding baby sitters and people who can just, you know, drop in and take care of her while we run off. And you know, just go get dinner. Yeah, anything Oh, for certain.

Scott Benner 17:59
So it's interesting. You said, we shouldn't give relationship advice. And you gave some really good advice about relationships. But I what I was going to tell you is that nothing on this podcast is advice. So it doesn't matter. We're all good. We're covered by the disclaimer at the beginning, you can say whatever you want. I'll tell you the one thing that always kind of hits me when I'm talking about a relationship or being married. And this might be very specific to me, I have no idea. But what I find is my desire to do a good job for my wife hits me back as guilt. And so if you know if she has a bad day, I feel badly that she had a bad day. And I feel like I wish I could have done something to make it better. Or like the you know, where sometimes like, then I'll speak about, you know, I don't know, like, like you mentioned talking to like insurance companies stuff like on the phone. There are days she'll come home. Sure big How is your day? And I'll think I was on the phone for like 90 minutes, trying to work something out with like insulin, you know?

Jeff 18:56
Uh huh. And that's a good day. 90 minutes. Yeah, right. Right. And and

Scott Benner 18:59
you're exhausted from it. And the minute she feels like I had a bad day, I see her go Well, today I did this. And it's almost like she wants to make sure that I know. Don't worry, while you were working hard. I was working hard to Yeah, right. Yeah, it's this very, like, I don't know if anyone's ever had that thought before. But I've told people in the past, I'd been at stay at home dad for coming up on 20 years. I don't think the television has been on while the sun has been up in my house. Maybe five times not entire time. And it's great. Okay, part of that is because of my incredible anxiety that I want to be working as hard as my wife is working. Oh, yeah. And then when I feel like I'm not, it makes me feel badly. But then whatever I say when I'm feeling guilty is never good for our relationship. I don't know if that makes sense or not. Because I always start trying to justify my life. Like Don't worry, I was working I did this I get my way and my wife's not like walking up to me go and tell me what you Did today, like make sure like like a timecard. You know the mean? Like I don't, it's just this feeling I have that I want to be matching her effort

Kristin 20:08
takes so long to even get to that level of communication where you're truly not hanging, hanging things on each other, you know, like, in the mornings just isn't as an example, we're in a rush to get off to school tests. And I, and Jeff will ask, Well, I'm going to let the dogs out. And we have to let the dogs out. And then he'll say, should I leave them out? Or do I go and get them? It's just a really small minute little task in the morning, right? A little tour? And and we immediately go into No, I can't do it. Yes, I can do it. No. Because I might have had a pod change that morning. And that might have taken an extra 25 or 30 minutes. And, you know, yeah,

Jeff 20:50
friendly tip. If there's an omni pod change, do that morning, I should just go get the dog.

Kristin 20:54
Yeah, or just, you know, you pick up the slack on those days, when you have more of a challenge. I guess it's kind of an obvious statement. But do you think that in a podcast having explicitly said is is important?

Scott Benner 21:07
Well, I also think that what's obvious when you're intellectualizing about things is not what's obvious when you're in the moment, I will bring to light a video that my wife showed me online the other day, that's, you know, somebody pretended to be like Mike Myers or something like that. And this woman comes into our house with her three kids. And he jumps out at them, and you know, scares the the holy hell out of everybody. But in the, but then didn't stop like the person the mask holding the knife trying to scare these people persisted, it wasn't like boo, and then showed themselves went after them. The woman abandoned her three children and ran away. And so what?

Jeff 21:46
Okay, so, mask a little too far,

Scott Benner 21:48
you will say she's like, Oh, I can make more kids. I gotta go, you know, so, um, but but you know, what, you, if we sat around and talked about it, oh, if an intruder came into our house, what I would do is I'd collect up my children and I would about Yeah, what she did was she would I don't want to die, and she took off. And so I think it is, I think that it is worth saying those things out loud. Because in the moment, it's hard to remember that stuff.

Kristin 22:12
I think, I mean, you just hit the nail on the head, but just even talking about that video, because one of the things I have my studious little notes right here is talking about confrontation versus distancing. You know, it is the flight or fight or flight response that when you're under stress, which I don't know a lot of T Wendy parents who aren't under just sort of a persistent low lying kind of, I have this I'm looking at, I'm plugged into this, and I'm looking at this constantly. You know, that's where I feel like that confrontation or that distancing is how you're going to cope, how you're going to cope. And lucky for Jeff and I, I feel like we do Lean In we decide to confront rather than distance ourselves. And, and maybe there's a different way to say that maybe with not such the negative feeling of what a confrontation can be, maybe it's a form of problem solving. But when you are in the moment, you've got like three things happening, and then her blood sugar decides to drop, you know, it does begin to have a kind of, I don't know, we just have better outcomes, when we can just get really clear, it might be a thought about this, that Jeff's emergency background has really helped us quite a bit and navigating her care, because he can just be so clear and so concise, because that's how an emergency room setting is, you know, and it's so that's helped us but then yet it kind of could take away some of the glow, you know, some of the warm feelings in the home when we're just, you know, treating everything so directly. Well, so yeah, we've learned we've learned a few things.

Scott Benner 23:50
I'll tell you one thing Kelly taught me was. And it kind of ties into what you just said, there's so much happening all the time. And you're sort of have this like low level awareness of the blood sugar, not I'm better at it now, like quite honestly, I am. And a lot of this podcast comes from my desire to not want to think about it constantly seeing seeing how psychologically improper, that is to understand what's happening constantly with someone's blood sugar. So if I can trust that what I know is going to happen is going to happen, then I can stop wondering about if it's going to happen. But when it used to be in my mind constantly, sort of just in the back of my head, but other things were happening. I used to need a like a clean break from reality to go think about diabetes, and I used to just say when something went wrong, but I would say it out loud, like you know, you know, you'd be moving along trying to do dinner, beep, beep and then I'd stop myself and turn and go do the diabetes thing. What I didn't realize was my wife found that really negative and she's and she said to me, she's like, I can't when you do that, it makes me upset and I I'm like, Oh, I'm just trying to break my reality and then go do this thing and then go back to again. She's like, yeah, from from our side. It doesn't, it's not doing what you think it's doing. It might be doing it for you, but it's not doing that for us. And so it took me months to stop myself from this, I had built up a tiny little habit around it. And, and I realized that to them, it looked dramatic. And like, I was upset or worried, or it was bothering me. And it never felt like that to me. I was just stopping myself. And I know, that's weird. But that was my personal thing. And then Luckily, she said something to me, or I'd probably still be doing it.

Jeff 25:36
Is that an effort to just keep everything you know that you never get away from it? So you just always keep it there? Or are you able to get away from it a little bit? And then you're saying that that's what that's what you're objecting to is? No, oh, crap, I got to go do this thing now. And

Scott Benner 25:52
it wasn't an objection. For me, it was like a separation. So like, I feel I don't, I am one of those people that if I'm in a room, and I'm cooking dinner, and you and Kristen are off in the corner, having a conversation that's kind of meant for everybody, and the televisions on, I know what YouTube, we're saying to each other. I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm thinking, and I know what's happening on the television. And that's just been how my brains worked my whole life.

Jeff 26:15
I'm the aware.

Scott Benner 26:16
So we have Well, so what I need is I need like a bubble of silence around me so that I can stop and think about the diabetes because back then it wasn't the same as it is now for me. Now I'm telling you, I just look at the the graph and I go, Okay, here's what I need to do. And it comes to me very quickly, but back then I needed silence to kind of just wrap my mind around everything that was happening with the diabetes, so that I could try to make a good decision. So that that curse was what broke the noise for me and, and created a space.

Jeff 26:48
And we share that in a way to you know, sometimes we'll do a handoff and say, You know what, I'm gonna take a break tonight. You You, you watch the numbers tonight, but most often, we're both aware all the time. And you know, whether I've been there all day, or they're just getting home, it's usually Okay, it's time for me to step in, take a quick look at the graph, you know, listen to what she wants to eat, and then kind of pick it up from there. So yeah, you know, we don't we have different approaches a little bit. So it's not even just the care is kind of like it. It changes based on whether it's something you're processing, I'm processing, whether we go through it, you know, often when we're together, we'll make a decision together. And I'm sure test is tired of hearing us like, argue about whether we're gonna do the 35% extend or a 44% extend?

Scott Benner 27:35
Well, yeah, prior to the technology, when we hand it off, it was it was arduous, because you'd be like, Okay, listen, at three o'clock, she ate this at two o'clock, we injected the Lantus or levemir, when in at 8am, like you gave this like it was like a nurse leaving or shift. Yeah, right. And now because of the technology now, because the pump knows, this is the last time I bought this how much it was, and you can see on the graph what's going on, there's sometimes something to say like, hey, she's been, you know, there's I feel like there's been some insulin resistance today. Or you know what she hasn't needed as much today as she does normally. Or, you know, make sure your Pre-Bolus because my wife is not the greatest Pre-Bolus sir, right, like, so sometimes I'll say that. But I even had to learn how to say, don't forget to Pre-Bolus without saying, hey, Kelly, you suck at Pre-Bolus saying, right. And even though I never used those words, my tone was my tone was, you know, you're gonna forget the free Pre-Bolus and mess this whole thing up. So please remember that, but now I just I found a better way to do it. And it's funny because the way my wife got me to be better at it was she would say, pretend on that podcast and talk to me like that. And I was like, oh, because I am different here than I am at home. I'm I'm, I get reviews are people like I love how direct you are on the podcast. And I laugh because you have no idea how. Like, this is this is me at like, with kid gloves. Oh my god, this is like me at like 20%. You know? And I am and I'm jokey. It's so I can joke right into something serious. Sometimes I stopped and I'm like, okay, I meant the first part. The second part was a joke. The third part is the Pre-Bolus I'm very sorry, I blended all that together. You know, and so I am this podcast, you know, you hear me say all the time, like how great it's been for me, because I get to go over the diabetes stuff over and over again. But it's also good for me for communication. You know, for for me staying kind of centered and calm. When people come on who are from further south like you guys are in North Carolina. That's not a real Southern place anymore. I'm sorry, because of all the people who have been moving in you have a nice blend. I didn't mean it wasn't a shut in place. Please don't stop listening if you're in North Carolina, but but it's got it's got so many people from so many different places that to you, I don't speak that fast. But when we get a little more south, I actually have to try to slow myself down long. And

Unknown Speaker 30:01
I'll take that as a compliment.

Scott Benner 30:03
And and not that people who speak slower, you know, shouldn't be complimented, I actually find the way they speak really lovely. I just can't. I can't make myself do it. And and when they start speaking slower, there's a small mind, like a little voice in the back of my head that is yelling in my ear. Why won't they go faster? And I'm trying to be and I'm yelling back at the little voice in my head. No, no, stop it. This is good, slow down. Anyway, there's a whole podcast going on in my head while we're doing this. But my wife helps me constantly Listen, I am not. I'm 48 years old, had I not met my wife? I don't know what kind of a mess I'd be right now. Like, honestly, I'd still be 22 in my mind, I think, you know, I say all the time, my wife is killing me with her demands. But but but of the things that we should be doing and should be accomplishing and what the kids need and what life should be all that stuff. Like, there's a little boy inside of me who's like, Why won't she shut up and just let us have fun, right. But the the mature father, an adult in me that that really does want to grow knows that without her, I don't grow

Kristin 31:13
your situation interesting, because when I give a cursory look at research and things, different articles, medical journals, they say that most of the caregiving is done by the mother, right? Yeah, that that's primarily what's happening in the household. And then I've also read that somewhere between a quarter to half of all t Wendy, mothers are experiencing some form of anxiety or depression, or something called a morbidity syndrome, or there's PTSD. And you know, it's so true, you're just already under some duress and pressure for all the tasks that you perform for T one D, but then in addition to that, is just being the regular parent and just being the regular wife. And you know, and so I think there are just classic responses to how we, how we deal with stress and how we deal with vulnerability. And those are going to assert they're going to come up in your relationship somehow. And I, you know, I don't have all the answers. But I definitely think that, that just being able to say that depression can be present and the T one D home is something we have to we have to grab on to just grabbed by both horns and say, you know, don't be afraid to admit that you're dealing with that kind of stuff. Because it can, it can really help your relationship to go and get help and get support. So

Scott Benner 32:34
yeah, well, you outline something that's amazing. So the rest of my story about that first doctor's appointment when she says, you know, it's two and three who get divorced, after she gave us this statistics. She looks at my wife square in the face and says, The men don't handle it well, when their children don't turn out the way they expect. And I actually was like, Yo, I'm standing right here, like, like, Could she have not written that on a piece of paper and slipped into or something like that?

Jeff 33:00
They also don't like being talked about. Well,

Scott Benner 33:02
yeah. Yeah. And I was like, wow. And then but my wife laughed, and she goes, Oh, you have our situation all wrong. She goes all leave way before he will. And, and, and it broke a laugh. And my wife said, No, no, seriously, she's like, Scott's a caregiver. Like, there's a reason he's not she left, she goes, he's not staying home, because he couldn't get a job. We made this decision consciously. And, and, and so. And that goes to my background. And, you know, I've mentioned here before on the podcast that, you know, I think that some of the reason why I can talk about this diabetes, which is at a high level, but in a very kind of real ways, because I'm an adopted person, I am a fairly bright person who was adopted by some very nice middle class people. And so I'm this very strange blend of an educated, but my brain has the capacity. But at the same time, I know how to talk to people, I know how people like to be spoken to, and how regular people interact with each other. And so that I think helps the podcast but then I think the next thing that helps is the stay at home dad like aspect of it, because I'll go out on a limb here because I'm, you know, I don't want to jinx myself, but I have two very normal, mellow, reasonable, nice kids. And there have been times while I've been raising them where I've seen, wow, in this scenario, that thing you just talked about a little while ago, Kristen, that whatever that wire is, that goes straight from your uterus and your ovaries to your brain that makes women like look at their kids and fear for their entire life. Every time they look at them, you know, right? I don't have that. So when something like that happens, I'm just like, you know, get up It's okay. Or, you know, the other, you know, six, seven months ago when we started and we went to the loop and, and I put it on art and she goes, is this gonna kill me and I went, probably not. And then we both laughed and walked away from each And then like, and so that's something that's a comfort she has from my parenting style. And I genuinely meant it when I said, probably not, I thought, No, I probably won't. And I never thought about it again. And so my wife would, would stand there and stare at it forever thinking, This is my mortal job on this planet to make sure that that kid is not just fine, but 100% happy and gets as far as they can in life and whatever that anxiety is that you poor women have after you make a baby, because I didn't, I didn't notice it before I got her pregnant, to be perfectly honest with you. So whatever that is, I don't have it. And so it allows me to be a little looser and a little calmer in those scenarios, I think. And I didn't mean calm in a productive way. I just mean that there's not, I'm not being poked in the brain with something that's yelling, oh, my God, oh, my God, go save that kid.

Kristin 35:52
Yeah, my parenting style would actually mirror that you have yours that better? I mean, I would say that actually, after you've seen a low or after you've been through some of the initial trauma of diagnosis, you just toughen up, you know? And so now I'm, I'm the parent, like, it's certainly around my friends and another circles where they're just like, you let her do what? Like, I mean, so you, I think, I think t Wendy does have the ability to make you a tougher individual. And, and I think other people actually look at me sometimes, and I don't know what they think. But I know that when we're out with friends, and Jeff and I are speaking in code, okay, 30%, bazel, increase and point four and, you know, yelling at each other from other rooms or something, just to take care of the, the to end stuff. I just wonder what they must look at it, they, sometimes they, they're just aghast, like, we have to deal with. But then, you know, other times, those friends of mine probably think that I can just handle anything. And I'm just here to say I'm, I can't, I can't handle everything, you know, and, and so my truest friends understand that and know that and, and they're willing, they're willing to learn enough to do an overnight with tests, or, you know, to have that level of communication in place. I always

Scott Benner 37:14
think of it as perspective. Like, like, you know, it's you don't have real perspective until you've until somebody has said to you, hey, inject this into your kid, if you give them too much, they might die. But if you don't give it to them, they're gonna die. And you go, Oh, okay. And then your perspective is adjusted. And yeah, keeps happening every day, like you said, You know, I say stuff on this podcast all the time that I don't know how it strikes people the first time they hear it, the one thing that I'm sad about about the podcast is that I can't force you to listen to it in order. Because Because it grows as I grow, the ideas grow as I grow. And if you're really to hear those ideas in order, you know, it's helpful because you don't want to jump in in Episode 150. When the first time you hear me say like, Oh, you know, sometimes you got to look at a 57 blood sugar and have the balls to just stare at it for a couple of minutes. Right, right. But you do, except out of context. That may not be great advice. But in context, and in the timeline, you would understand it. But I think that that perspective, it I've seen it build in me over the years. And it really is a shame. It really is a shame that we die when we get older, because we really are just starting to get good at you know what I mean? It's very true. But But you said something a minute ago that it's funny. I used to feel that I don't feel anymore that made me wonder if one day you want to you said something about what what Jeff and I have to go through. And I don't think of diabetes is something I go through anymore, but I used to Hmm,

Jeff 38:46
I wonder how much of that is age related? Because I feel like you know, she's getting older this we're getting closer and closer to narrowing the communication, where she's going to take over a lot of that. But as we are right now, she's not really doing anything on that level for herself. It's still all us. And so I wonder just you know, as she gets to be a year or two years older, do we start around that corner a little bit? And you know, at least give ourselves an inhale? And, you know, and that off?

Scott Benner 39:16
Yeah, no, no, I think that's a that's a great insight is that as they get older, they take on a little more of it. But but but I think you'll learn is there really isn't more of it to take on. It's just that you worry about it less. Because day after day after day after day, nothing goes really wrong. And so, you know, when I tell people it gets easy, I don't mean you know, nuts and bolts gets easy, like diabetes is always diabetes, but decisions need to be made and all of a sudden you just know what the answer is. That's like a great situation like, you know, like, Oh, this happened i bolused for dinner. And they didn't eat this or lately Arden hasn't been eating there's like a bread product and with her, her lunch and very much lately. She's like, oh, by the way, I didn't eat this and I'm like, Oh, that's where most of the carbs was, you know, and, and, and I just go, Okay, do this and this and that. And then it'll be fine. Like, I know how to take the insulin away to make that not a problem.

Jeff 40:15
clean up after that.

Scott Benner 40:17
But prior, you know, years before I would have been like, well drink a juice. And I guess go to the, you know, go stand next to a cop and and find an ambulance. Like, like, I just just wait for death, I guess. And then you know, like, and and now I'm just like, that's fine. We'll just dial this back and dial that back. And maybe in about an hour and a half, you might need to hit a half a juice box, but we won't know till then let's wait and see what this does.

Kristin 40:38
Well, when I first started listening to the podcast, and I was hearing you, you know, describe Arden's agency is in the fives, and we just got into the sixes. And we're just in our fifth year, you know, so it's like, every arc, every everyone situation is a little bit different. And you're not gonna believe this. But Jeff just looked at his phone, and she's 79 with an arrow down. So we might have to pause for a second and talk to our teacher. Well,

Scott Benner 41:05
here's the thing. You can pause if you want to. Okay, but I'd love you to stay on the microphone while you're doing that, because it's good. So what are you gonna do for like, so you're gonna send a text to a teacher?

Kristin 41:16
Yes. I mean, they're eating lunch, not for another hour. So she definitely needs either gummies or I think she has, like a granola bar or something like that. And her

Scott Benner 41:28
is the plan to hit her with enough carbs to catch this without making high or we Yes, we Yeah. bazel to or how would you handle it?

Kristin 41:37
test is drifting down a bit as his text to her. I mean, just even a juice. Juice box. There's one in her Cubby,

Scott Benner 41:45
your your test test is just to doubt about, you're so nice. I would be like, yo, stop everything my kids get my kids trying to die in the middle of English. Okay, so hold on a second. And now, do you test in this scenario?

Jeff 41:59
Well, usually Christians at school. So this is where she would be handling this

Scott Benner 42:03
way to go, Kristen.

Kristin 42:05
And we'll talk about relationships. We're actually in our house by ourselves. We're in a school where there's no school nurse. So it's the teachers or Kristen. And so really, you know, Kristen actually got her job through this condition, because she was hanging out a lot when test is in pre K. I mean, I was commuting sometimes 45 minutes to to another town outside of Asheville. And when she was diagnosed, I was like, well, that's the end of that, you know, and so I double down on being with her and Jeff pays the mortgage with his job. And I was hanging out in the hallways, I've heard so many of your podcasts were like moms are like, peeking over outside. Yeah, like garden garden walls and things and being like, I have to give my kid insulin, you know, but so I was that person for time. While the teachers were getting kind of up on their feet about it. And and so then the director came out and said, Hey, what's your background? And now it's like, well, funny, you should ask.

Scott Benner 43:03
I'm Whatever you need, that I don't need to drive back and forth. I play Jeff, by the way, I don't know if you caught it a moment ago, but you're gonna have sex after this. Did you know that? Kristen just realized you guys are home alone. And you

Kristin 43:17
know, things just go right past. Don't lie.

Scott Benner 43:19
Don't lie to us right now. Kristen. That's what you were thinking, right?

Kristin 43:22
No, we're never home.

Scott Benner 43:26
You only have to try a little bit, man. And you're gonna get laid after this. I'm just telling you.

Unknown Speaker 43:34
I don't know. I think I can.

Scott Benner 43:37
Although, you know, the other day I saw online, the most just wonderful thing a mom put up this little note that said that she was driving in a car talking to the person in the front seat, and her six year old shush them holding a phone like a cell phone with the little speaker at the bottom jammed into her ear. And she said, Be quiet. I'm listening to the Juicebox Podcast. Wow, I was like, Oh my God, my demographic is all over the place. Get that kid some earbuds. Yeah. So I don't know. Does a six year old though what that means I may be I'll bleep it out. But anyway, Jeff, I'm saying you really should put some effort in. So this is over. Here's what I'm getting at. But not the basement wherever you are. Right. Although unless that's what you're up to. I don't

Jeff 44:15
know. The teacher has responded.

I got the big thumbs up. Okay.

Scott Benner 44:20
Yeah. So what? So what did you tell them to do? It's gonna be,

Jeff 44:24
you know, this is a situation where we really don't want her going low. Kristen is not on hand. Her teacher doesn't usually, she's not usually running the show as far as the PDM goes and all that. So we don't really have that as an option to to slow down the insulin. So in this case, because we're here, and we're trying to keep communications pretty succinct. We just went for the juice box box. I think that's I got smart I think the juice box if it's 15 carbs at her, what does she weigh? Like? 4550 pounds.

Kristin 44:54
She's over 50 now.

Scott Benner 44:56
Yeah, it'll probably I bet you that cuts the arrow out. I bet you hits around 70 hangs and drifts and drifts back up. Does that sound like what you expect?

Jeff 45:06
That sounds right, it's been a real slow drift down that we've been watching actually didn't even watch it for a while. But I felt like I should do the right thing and take a look at the number. And they're not eating lunch for another hour is the other thing. That's perfect.

Scott Benner 45:18
And you know what the great thing about this is for people listening that even if this juice box ends up being too much, Jeff can Pre-Bolus a little earlier to cut some of the number out before the food. So there's a way here to balance being more aggressive with the juice right now for safety and for comfort, because we're recording, and at the same time, not let it get out of hand or cause another low before the meal.

Jeff 45:42
Sure, something that we're gonna have to chase double arrows up. Right, right. I don't feel like it's gonna be that.

Kristin 45:47
Yeah, we're in that classic pattern. And it feels like classic to us anyway, because it's so routine that she her biggest art, her biggest numbers are right over breakfast. And you know, we're just so bored with breakfast. So listeners out there if you have any ideas on like, what kind of cuz you know, obviously, the better the protein and the breakfast, the better the morning in terms of blood sugars, but we're sick of eggs, sick of bacon, sick of you know, Turkey,

Scott Benner 46:17
anything else? No kidding. Well, how are you with the other stuff? Like, can you?

Kristin 46:22
So she'll have pretty decent afternoons is what we find? We don't

Jeff 46:26
I don't know, I think you're asking do we restrict anything?

Scott Benner 46:29
Is that? I'm saying? No. I'm saying like, if I gave her three pancakes, which can you handle that? Or is it? Are you not up to that yet?

Jeff 46:36
We have to think about that, you know, obviously and get ahead of it. But yeah, we've done that. When and usually that's on the weekends when we you know, have the time for it. A little bit of POW back and forth. And usually we can flatten that line pretty pretty well.

Scott Benner 46:48
Yeah, I'll tell you to like when you were speaking earlier about what happens when she gets older. What happens when she gets older is you can miss on a breakfast dinner. She's on her way to school, and then send her a text and be like, Hey, Bolus more. Yeah. And it's not this whole thing where it goes through the teacher. Because I wonder, because I felt like I heard in your voice a second ago, Jeff, because I have this feeling too. You don't want to involve the teacher unless you have to because you don't want to like you don't want that light shined on her. Right. Right. Yeah, it's like,

Jeff 47:16
we already know that there's a you know, her alarm is set at 90 at school, which, you know, maybe we should go a little lower, but they're probably already hearing that. And just wondering, what do we do? You know, we basically ingrained it that, you know, it's the lows that we're worried about, right? Do they

Scott Benner 47:31
wait for you? Is there ever a time that they pop up and do something on their own? Or is it always in conjunction with you,

Jeff 47:38
if tests feels low, and she feels her lows more and more, and she actually is taking two guessing her number like she woke up the other day, and she was like, I feel like I'm 93 and even but maybe a soft arrow down.

And she was right on time she was she nailed it.

Scott Benner 47:53
I'm a fan. I'm a fan of that. I used to do that with art and to like to try to teach her how she felt. Right? You know what I mean? Because if you do it enough times, and it's tough to because then the other side of it is I always tell her the way you feel is not important. You know, it's the number it's the number the direction of the speed. Because you can feel great. Then not have a great blood sugar. We had a she went to a homecoming football game the other night. And no lie. The whole day is going great blood sugars are fantastic. I'm telling my wife like this. I'm like Kelsey is gonna be wonderful. We can drop off this football game when we go to dinner or something and it's gonna be fantastic and took her to the game dropped her off, and the CGM just it was done died and it was right up on it. It was right up on the end. And I thought it wouldn't make it till she gets home, you know, and then it didn't. So now she's there. No CGM. So, um, I said to her, I'm like you need to test because, you know, now the CGM is not working. So now the loops not working the loops open. I'm like, I think you're gonna go up based on what happened before. And she said, No, No, I'm fine. I was like, No, no, I meant you're not. And so she tested she was Oh, you know what? I'm 220. And I was like, Oh, yeah, see, because now all the sudden, you know, all the all of our texts going out of nowhere. So we bought we bolused really aggressively. And I was like, so we're gonna test again, you know, probably in 45 minutes. Right. And, and then we texted back and forth. We got her home put on CGM. And you know, she went to bed around midnight and everything was fine. But it just was it was that expectation. Like I have this. It's so easy. I know what to do. And this is how we'll handle it. And then it just all

Unknown Speaker 49:29
fell apart. Back in the wild west. Yeah.

Kristin 49:32
You made me Just think how on earth do people do this solo parenting? I mean, and I'm not saying that like I like I have some kind of I have complete empathy like just such deep concern and empathy for you know, we're a duo and and when she is at home on the weekends or we have a vacation or her outcomes are much better when we're together and We're both troubleshooting. And so while I get a sense for what that must be like, because I am the primary caregiver throughout most of the day, it still just must be very difficult for a single parent trying to manage this or a parent who maybe there's a custody share or something like that, where you have to kind of transition like you were saying those nurse notes, you know, like, you got to kind of injure shift with the kid and then hand them over to, to that other person. It just, I can't imagine, I think that would be a really interesting perspective to, to get a hold of. Yeah,

Scott Benner 50:37
well, I think that's, I think that's certainly true. And also certainly think that it's true that there are plenty of married people who in when it comes to diabetes, and sort of other things in our life are single parents to begin with as well, because people see things as their job or your job, which I don't buy into. And interestingly enough, Kristen, you might not have a ton of appreciation for looking at your life from the inside out. But Jeff's a vet, so he's probably a fairly compassionate person. She would think, right, seriously, right? So you're like, my father would just have like, been looked at my mom been like you wanted kids? You know what I mean? Like, and then that would have been it. And I think a lot of guys are like that, you know, like, that's not my job. I went to work already today, you take care of those kids, or vice or vice versa, like, you know, in a household where even a woman's working full time in the man's at home, it'd be very easy for them to say, Look, that's not my thing. I did my thing already today. And I think a lot of people I think a lot of people live with that. I think there's a lot of people nodding their heads right now thinking yeah, oh, my God, I don't really do much. Maybe Scotts endo was right, when he, you know, back then and it sucks, because there's plenty people aren't. There's plenty guys right now. like, Yo, man, um, you know, it's 2019. And it's a it's a team effort. And I'm in on it, too. But I think both of those scenarios exist. Yeah, you know, and I agree with you. What, what do you do when someone suddenly, like you talked earlier about the anxiety of, you know, being in charge of what it feels like is keeping someone alive constantly, like, I used to explain it when I was really in the middle of it still. And I really didn't have a handle on it. I would tell people, I feel like someone told me that I have to consciously say, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, or I'll suffer, like Damien or like that, or that I have to remind my heart to beat every 20 seconds or so. Yeah,

Kristin 52:33
that's all there was a day. And when test was old enough to go to summer camp for the first time, she was five. So we were still only diagnosed about a year. And that was summer camp. And it was it was a total turning of the tables in terms of her day. And she had three lows in one day, which I don't know the averages for other people. But that just felt that day was just it just stood in my mind is like now life has changed now, you know. And I guess that was the same summer that she had the CGM for the first time I think that's right. And so just that awareness that pushing back of the curtains and seeing what's going on all of the time with the technology and that she had three lows I remember distinctly just being in the car and driving and being like I have to breathe like this should be illegal like I should not be allowed to drive right now while I'm this like hopped up on the fact that my kid had three legs today you know?

Scott Benner 53:34
How much how much of well first of all earlier you said this, you know I have to be somewhere by 1230 is that going to be enough time now I realize I'm going to probably end up keeping to whatever minute you have to leave but what has the your time with diabetes taught you because it's funny when you talk about she went to a day camp and had lows my brain jumps to to shame because you didn't know how to like manage her basal insulin so that she wouldn't get low in a scenario like that. And and and most people don't really write like, you know, they set up their basal insulin to work in most scenarios. And then you hear people say oh exercises and pletely impossible I can't do this. I can't do that. And it's just because they have too much insulin happening and they don't think about it like that. But do you think about it like that now like if that scenario popped up today with the knowledge you have today? What do you think the three lows would have happened?

Kristin 54:28
Um, well she still has we get on Jags you know if she drops she goes up and then she comes back down and I'm and I'll still Yeah, I can say that. I still don't have it as even Steven as I would like it but it but there are some some techniques, some like you're saying the bazel and the, you know, some other things that we do now that has created many more better outcomes. So it's hard for me to

Jeff 54:56
but I think what you were saying with that, if I may speak for you. I don't Which to you and tell me if I'm wrong, is just that you were talking about when she went to camp. And that that was a big difference from the day to day routine. And so, you know, what is diabetes taken from us or from tests, it's a little bit of, um, she has to be with people that that know enough about it, that they can step in and do something. Otherwise, you know, we're relying on the technology from a little bit of a distance, and then kind of dialing it in, Hey, can you give her this juice box without ever really explaining or, you know, having her in the care of someone that totally gets it now, there are a few people, few teachers that have really taken initiative to learn about it. And when she was in those classes felt great about, you know, we don't need to watch it every minute, because they're going to take care of this. But in terms of the nuts and bolts, we still have never really had that handoff, where maybe we had 24 hours, you know, a way and all this time, diagnosed, right? And otherwise, it's either Kristen or myself in charge. And there's never been a moment really where we've said, okay, handoff and someone else make these decisions. And then I mean, I guess that's probably pretty typical. But it's really, I guess, I feel for for tests in a way because we've sheltered her somewhat like we've had her an environment where either Christine's right there or, you know, we're all together or, you know, she and I are together, but never just like, kind of going off grid, so to speak, Jeff, and just being able to manage it,

Scott Benner 56:32
that'll stop, and she won't remember it that way. She's not gonna think of it as you lording over her when she was little, she's gonna think of it as my family was always together. You know, like, it's not, it's not, she doesn't have your perspective,

Jeff 56:47
I see the upsides of that. But like, for example, grandparents, for example, they, they, they are super apprehensive about one on one time with her without us being either right there or, you know, available to respond right and right on a moment. And that's, then it's taken from her, I feel like, you know, they're they, they see the diabetes, and then they see the granddaughter, we see the kid. And then the diabetes is kind of second to that, but I feel like maybe just that one segment, I feel like her friends accept her as a person that has diabetes, not as a condition. But I feel like, you know, there, there are some people that could otherwise be step in and have a role to play that, I feel like this condition is kind of wound a little bit large. And it's, it's difficult to get the right information to them.

Kristin 57:39
And we're still going under, I mean, we're five years into it. So it's kind of the spot where we're still tender about what we're learning and how we're dealing with it. And we're hardening up to like, you know, the future of, of her managing so much more of it. And, and it not being so much of a thing, I mean, I can tell where my stress level has gone down over, over the course of the last year or so. Um, but in terms of grandparents, and in terms of extended family, which is certainly another aspect of relationship to get into, you know, we both have parents on either side of us that also have medical conditions. So a lot of that is, I'm like what I like to call my Oreo years. I'm like, in the middle, you know, my mom is, is having some issues, and then I have a daughter and so who knew that I was I was really gonna have to perfect this thing called caregiving. But, um, but I don't know how how that plays a part. But maybe you could share with us, Scott, when Arden was younger, did you have someone another figure in her life that could just come in and, and take care of things and let you and your wife go out or go and travel? or what have you?

Scott Benner 58:50
Oh, I don't think you're gonna like my answer. No, of course not. And, and at the same time, I didn't see that as a particularly bad thing. So. So I have a little bit of perspective on this, that maybe other people don't. So I

Kristin 59:07
certainly is a luxurious position of mine, you know, to to want to go off. Yeah,

Scott Benner 59:11
no, no, and I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to go out. And I'm not saying that I'm saying that first of all, I'm a I'm a no person, like I work backwards from now. So my so any question that's brought to me starts it No, like, Can we buy a sofa? No, of course not. We can't afford that. How would we buy stuff and then maybe like 10 steps into it? I think I you know, we probably could, but I and I don't trust people either. In scenarios like this, I trust people find in other ways, but I'm also the kind of person who's like, school nurse, if they were really a good nurse, would they be a nurse at school? Like I don't know that that's even true. It's just where my my know like, and I'm not disparaging school nurses on it, I'm saying is that I always started what's wrong. And so I decided at some point, like we're going to be the ones to take care of this in one day. It won't be like that. But the other thing that I have gotten For me is that I had a moment in my life when Kelly had started working. And I had started staying home with Cole. And he was maybe like a year and a half old or something. And I was doing great. Like, I really felt like I was like he was safe and fed and, you know, learning to crawl and walk, and I was feeding him and going grocery shopping kept the house clean. But it was all very much like I was just doing the things that I felt like I was supposed to be doing. And I realized one day, like, this is not what my wife would be doing that she would just sort of know, organically, what this kid needed, and what would make his life better. And I felt like she was more in tune because she was his mom. And that I had to find a way to be more in tune with it. And more importantly, that I needed to find a way to take joy in taking care take joy out of taking care of him. Like I couldn't look at him as a job, or a burden, or something that I was, like, forced into doing, I had to want to do it every day. And that when I wanted to do it, when I let go of the other things that I thought I was supposed to be doing with my life, I realized these things are just as wonderful and fulfilling as something else that I thought I was gonna do. I really wanted to write a book. And then I realized I'm not gonna do that. I'm taking care of him. I'm raising coal. And it's funny, I wrote a book one day, you know what I mean? And one day, well, like, well, it took six months. But one day, I got to write a book. And it was 13 years after I let go of the idea that I really did want to write a book one day. And so but in now sitting here 20 years later, is my son's 20. My life is completely wonderful. And I enjoyed all that stuff that prior to having that thought, I saw his work in a job and stuff I didn't really want to be doing. So I wonder if the goal isn't to just stop seeing the diabetes as a job, and just start seeing it as something that exists in your life that you can find joy in, and then you get to let that go. And then instead of fighting against it, it's just it's I don't know, it propels you instead of drags you down. And and my other thought about the grandparents thing was this. What if you pull them aside and unburdened them? Just tell them look, this thing is way more complex than you may be able to imagine. And I feel like you're worried about tests, and we appreciate that. But the truth is, no matter how much you worry about it, you're not going to be able to figure this out. So just let it go. We'll take care, we'll take care of it. You don't worry about it. Like give them the give them the permission not to act like parents around her when it comes to diabetes. I wonder if that would work.

Kristin 1:02:39
I think I think we have in so many words, but just being that clear could be very useful. Yeah. Interesting. Listen, I was great. Great advice. Nothing.

Scott Benner 1:02:50
Stopping. What are you doing? You're trying to get us kicked off the internet. So listen, I told my mom yesterday, my mom's in her mid 70s. And she likes to go to the gym. But she doesn't drive. So she takes sort of like a service that drives her back and forth. And she told me she really wants to go to the gym three times a week, but she can only afford to go twice. And I said can you really only afford to go twice? And she's like, Well, no, I'm saving for Christmas and birthdays. And I said Mom, listen to me. You want to give my kids a great Christmas present, come to the house on Christmas. And tell them what great healthier and because you're going to the gym three times a week. Yeah. And explain to them that you're really sorry, but you have a card and a hug and a kiss and a well wish for them but not $100 gift card which by the way they don't need anyway. And and you use that money to go to the gym on Friday. And my mom tried to fight back? Well, I like to I was like, I don't care. Stop it. I was like, take care of yourself first. And and don't worry about us. We're okay. And and I realized that that's information. I'm probably telling myself for the future as much as I'm telling her for now. Because I know how I think about my kids. And I wonder how much I'm going to be able to let go of that idea that they don't need me when they get older, you know, so I don't know, I just think there's a cycle in there. Like a good you can't break a parent from being a parent, but maybe you could at least give them the permission to let it go for an hour. Sure. And tell them Look, I don't want you to see tests as diabetes. And that's happening. Because I used to do it with Arden Arden used to walk in the door from school and I'd be like, what's your blood sugar? The first thing I would say to her and one day I was like, I can't do that, like you no matter how much I'm concerned or worried or care if I'm doing more harm to her by asking that than would be done to her if she dropped over in front of me and needed a juice. So yeah, you know,

Unknown Speaker 1:04:37
you have

Kristin 1:04:39
she's a nutritionist who is also a nurse on a couple of your episodes Jenny, Jenny, excuse me. Um, and so the other thing I wouldn't mind talking about briefly is kind of getting away from the relationship stuff is what do you have you heard or seen anything around Eating Disorders and so one thing like you talked about, we talked about the diabetes so much we certainly do. But I'm even more worried that at dinnertime, I'm always like, well, what did you eat or what what's missing? or What did you have? And so we have such a focus on the food that I'm, you know, she's eight right now. So she's coming into those preteen years. And I just want to get ahead of it in terms of just hoping that I'm doing everything right to get her to have the right mindset about food.

Scott Benner 1:05:32
No, so I completely agree with you and I want to talk about it. But Arden's blood sugar just took a weird turn, and she's sleeping. So I'm gonna go for a second. And I'll be back in like 90 seconds. I'm gonna give you guys a great opportunity, right? feel this pressure. I'm gonna let this record you try to keep people entertained for 90 seconds, go.

Kristin 1:05:50
Okay, we're gonna do that. Here we go. Grab the guitar.

90 seconds.

He has no idea that we're doing this. Well, you just hit the microphone square on. Okay, here we go. All right, you need these? Give us a second audience. All right.

Jeff 1:06:13
They can't play this anyway, because of the copyright.

Unknown Speaker 1:06:18
A chance

Unknown Speaker 1:06:21
to show that you're

Unknown Speaker 1:06:29
free. Each thing I do is just some evil scheme.

Unknown Speaker 1:06:36
And then reframe some

Unknown Speaker 1:06:41
keeps us

Unknown Speaker 1:06:47
free from it.

Unknown Speaker 1:06:51
Joe Coco,

Unknown Speaker 1:06:55
believable you can sang a song when I walked away.

Jeff 1:07:00
Oh, he said to do something entertaining. You know, you only gave us 90 seconds. I don't know what you're alluding to. But

Scott Benner 1:07:07
no, no, that's that's for later, Jeff. But

Jeff 1:07:11
first of all, Hank Williams

Unknown Speaker 1:07:13
was amazing. I came back in the room and I'm reaching for the headphones. And I'm like, are they playing music? And then I realized you were saying I thought how am I gonna lose this podcast and more talented people? Like me.

Scott Benner 1:07:26
So that's that. So I think Arden's laying on her CGM. I think that's what's happening. So I'm

Jeff 1:07:31
better in a second. No blood foot.

Scott Benner 1:07:33
Yeah, well, no, you know what, it's actually the interstitial fluid gets pushed away from the wire. So the so when it sends her blood sugar 60 it's right, the the sugar in the interstitial fluid right around the wire does is 60. And then when you stop pressing on it and stop pushing the interstitial fluid away, and it flows back in and like two more generations of the readings, you'll get a good read equilibrates that's really cool. So um, okay, that was pretty great. Jeez, I'm gonna have to raise the bar on these episodes, or?

Jeff 1:08:04
Well, I'm happy to report that our juice box has worked Good for you. What's blood

Scott Benner 1:08:07
sugar?

Jeff 1:08:08
It did go down to 66. And then it came back up and now at 79. And even guys four minutes ago, so well done equal coast into lunch pretty well, there.

Scott Benner 1:08:19
Okay, so Kristen, your your question about food is, it's very important. So the more you listen to this podcast, the more you're going to hear adults who are in their 30s. And some of them didn't have parenting, the way you're describing or maybe the way I the way I talked about it. And if you really hear what they're talking about, they think when they were Tess's age, when they were 15, when they were Arden's age, they wish their parents were more involved, they may have acted like they didn't want them involved sometimes when they were older, but they they wanted it. And now that they're older, they recognize that they didn't understand diabetes, as well as they thought they did when they were leaving for college or at a football game or something like that in high school, and that they wish someone would have stayed on him. So I think it's a classic parenting thing, right? If to be interested, you know, I see my job as a parent is just saying the same thing a million times without getting annoyed by it, right? Because eventually they hear it. And that's true. When you have one test is 20, you'll realize you said something 1000 times, and one day, it just hit her.

Kristin 1:09:24
Yeah, we think we thank her for taking good care of herself. Like every time she does even the smallest thing we say thank you for taking such good care of yourself. That's love. I hope that that's in there somewhere.

Scott Benner 1:09:35
And it all will be here's what I know that like I used to take my son to the zoo, when we were just together by ourselves. And we would do things like just sit with our lunch and watch Tigers eat. And you know, and you know, talk to him about being polite to people and that sort of stuff. And if you ask him about it now, he doesn't really remember any of it. But yet, the impact I thought those moments would have on him seems to be have worked, because he is the person or close to that I was hoping he could be. So I think you don't get to see it the way you expect later, they don't sit down one day and tell this great story about this time you and them did something together, or my mom used to say to me, thanks for taking good care of myself when I was younger, they might not remember that. But I think it still works. It's not your expectation for what that'll look like when they're older as far as their memory, but it works out in their actions. I think

Jeff 1:10:28
it's in there as a more foundational thing, I guess.

Scott Benner 1:10:31
Yeah, it's like a painting basilic. You know, it's like a painting like you paint the first line on the canvas. And you know, when you're done, you don't see it, but it would look different if it wasn't there. Right, you know? Yeah. Oh, thank you. I just, I just, there are sometimes I say stuff. And I think like that was just one of them just as like, Oh, that was good. It was more fun that you said it out loud. Because I had never said that before. until just now. Like, that's why I love these podcasts. I've never once had that thought my entire life until just now. But anyway, we'll spend, please, I'm going now, what I was gonna say about the food is you're 100%. Right? You cannot create an adverse relationship between food and your kid. You do not want to get into a situation where they're like, I don't want to Bolus so I'm not going to eat. So if you the way I think about that is, you know, sometimes hardens, blood sugar is higher than I wish it was when she ate. And I don't say stuff. Like, you can't have that because of this. Right? Sometimes if it's really bad, I'll say look, we have to Pre-Bolus here and we have to wait. But we're definitely going to eat it. And sometimes she'll go, nevermind, I'm like, No, no, nevermind, we're going to do it. You know, like, let's do it. But right. But if the difference between her blood sugar being 180 when this is over, or 100 if the difference is I have to make her feel bad about herself to get her to 100. I don't I go for I take the 180 take the 180 Yeah, right. Right. So, and again, that's just going to be the same thing. You're just you're just doing these things over and over and over again, hoping they come out. Right. I think that where people go wrong is they expect something to happen immediately. Like I get. Do you have any idea how many times people say to me, I would like Arden to come on the podcast, because what they want to know is Ardennes. Okay, so they can believe their kids are okay. Like everybody wants it right away. You know what I mean? Like the answer when I talk when I talk to people privately, you know what they want to know, when you talk about insulin? How much? How long? Tell me Give me a number, huh? And I'm like, there's no number. Like you'll figure it out in 15 minutes. 30 minutes, 20 minutes. I don't know what your Pre-Bolus says you're gonna have to figure it out. How much to give. I don't know how much to give like you figure that out. But that's what but what you see when you hear those, please have our non to tell them by the way aren't done. When I come on the podcast, she doesn't even think of us all right? It shouldn't even think about diabetes, the way you guys think she does. She's, she's pretty free and clear in her life. And, and the other thing is, the insulin when you when you hear people ask about that, what they really want is they want comfort. They're like, just please show me something that tells me this is going to be okay for me. And that my kids not going to be the one who, you know, it goes wrong for like, I feel like that's what they're asking me for. And I can't do that. All I can tell you is that you should do whatever you think is best and do it every day the best you can. And if you're lucky, it'll work out. You know, I mean, there's no, there's no. What's that song? I never promised you a rose garden. Right? Yeah, like life isn't. I mean, you don't don't

Jeff 1:13:40
be asking us for requests

Scott Benner 1:13:42
you when you when you in country music, I can dip into what I heard my parents listened to when I was little. But you know what I mean? Like, there's no guarantees that any of this is going to work out. So I think the best you can do is the best you can do. And if you really can be honest with yourself and realize maybe sometimes the best you can do, you're not doing I mean, then if you really want to make an impact on it. Don't ask another person to tell you it's gonna be okay. You try to make it okay. Right.

Kristin 1:14:11
And that must have been also what your wife was saying to when you would say Oh, explicative because you just looked at the phone and it didn't report to you what you wanted. You know, so that's the same thing as that. Take the negative try to take the negative out of it. And I don't I don't ever tell test. This is a good number. This is a bad number. Numbers are just numbers, you know, and we're just dealing with them. At least I tried to say that but it's just human nature to be kind of shocked by something and you have to know

Scott Benner 1:14:40
Yeah, but you can make it go away. Like you really can some of it's just time in the simulator. You have to do it enough times. And sometimes it's somebody to help you I never even consider that Arden would think of me as saying that, you know the same as being like a bad like, you know, reflection on her. I never even thought of that in that moment. But I could totally see it now removed It, you know, and so you have to ask yourself sometimes, like, what am I doing wrong right now? Because you're, you know, here's how I think of it. My youngest brother Rob, and he's a great guy, but he was always in trouble when we were little. And I used to think that Bob had two states of being Bob was either in trouble, or about Bob was either in trouble, or, or you were about to find out Bob was in trouble. Like, there was no like, he was never not in trouble. You just were aware of it, or you weren't aware of it, right? Like he hadn't gotten caught yet kind of an idea. And I think that about like me right now. And you and everybody listening, we are screwing something up right now in our lives. Always, like we're always doing something that's not exactly what we mean to be doing. Or isn't being received by the people who we love the way we think it is. You know what I mean? Like, do you ever look at somebody and then they're doing something and you think, Oh, I know why they're doing that. It's because they're tired. But the truth is, there's a whole other reason why they're acting that way that you don't know. But you make this assumption. And then once you make the assumption, you believe you're right, then you project that assumption on to everybody else. And you go along, thinking, yeah, I'm doing great. But how many people do you see from afar who you're like, Wow, what a mess, their life is, right? How do they not see that? And the truth is, is because whatever you think today, Jeff, you trust. And I really believe that's around like sanity. Can you imagine if you were constantly questioning every thought you had, right? You'd be in action, you wouldn't be able to move. So we as people, as humans, we just innately believe in ourselves. But once in a while, you have to step back and say, I bet I'm not right about everything. I wonder what I'm seeing reflected in for me from the people I care about. Those are probably the things I could be working on. And and just keep doing that. Otherwise, you will get on this really ignorant path to destruction, right? Like you're just gonna, you're gonna just anxious Yeah, yeah, you're gonna drive headlong mindset. Yeah, I'm right. I'm right. I don't have to think about any of this. Just keep going. And then one day, when it all falls apart, you're going to go, I don't know what happened. You know what it means? So, for a person who's not in any way religious, which I'm not, I just realized that everything I just said sounded like religion for a second. But I think you have to just step back a little, yeah, wonder what it is that you're not doing that you could be doing and do it. Because whether you want to believe it or not, with a young child, this time of your life, from when they're born to when they leave for college, it's a blip. And I'll tell you get in what you want to get in now. Because, you know, once they hit 18, you don't have a lot of opportunities to make adjustments anymore.

Jeff 1:17:44
Grabbing a field, the days are long, and the years are short. You

Scott Benner 1:17:47
need Yeah, oh my god. I said that to one of my daughter's kids one time and friends. And she was just like, that's so deep. And I was like, that's not really. But I just, you know, I said like, you know, how would you know how a day feels like it can take forever, but a month goes by like that. And it fried their minds. They're like, Oh, my God, I've noticed that.

Jeff 1:18:04
And there's always a little truth. In cliche,

Scott Benner 1:18:06
of course, you listen, you got to get the car running as right as you can before you get out on the track, because you might not get time to pick. And so you know, once that kid leaves your house, the mail, there aren't gonna be a lot of pitstops after right. That's all. So don't waste this time. Please, I talk so much I'm available. I'm likely to say something reasonable once in a while if you're talking all right. I appreciate that a lot. So do you have to go Christian, are you

Kristin 1:18:33
Yeah, I've got a couple more. But I mean, we've covered a ton covered a lot

Scott Benner 1:18:41
you guys got got me going. And I feel like I feel like we were doing like a talk show on like, remember when we were growing up like channel 48 or something like that, I really felt like we were doing that, like in the middle Glen Campbell came on. And I was like, This is exactly like the TV my parents watched in the 70s.

Jeff 1:18:58
pot, it's great to have a peer group. I think you know, this, but and that's something I think that we would benefit greatly from but you know, Asheville is a fairly small city. And so we haven't really reached out to the local folks. I mean, we've done jdrf events and things and but in terms of at the level that we want, you know, where it's just an honest conversation and, you know, you just step forward with who you are and your experience, that that just doesn't, doesn't really exist for us. So this is this is really great.

Scott Benner 1:19:28
I appreciate that. I also don't think it exists for anybody. I think that as soon as you put people in a room and they can see each other's faces, then there's a feeling like you need to represent yourself well. Like if I don't do the podcast looking at anybody, because I want them to feel like they're just a you know, detached voice talking to another detached voice so they can be honest. Yeah, Jenny and I see each other when we do the pro tips episodes, but that's just for timing. That so that I can see that she's not finished talking. I don't talk over sometimes I talk over people because my In my mind, I'm like, ooh, they're done. And then I like conversation to flow quickly. So I jump in, and then they're not, but where we lose that we gain a feeling of anonymity, I guess. And, and allows people to be more honest while they're talking. So just keep listening to the podcast, you don't need to go. Sure. Yeah, I mean, what are you gonna go to a thing? They're gonna make you bring coffee, Jeff? Well, you know,

Unknown Speaker 1:20:22
make him answer that question you

Scott Benner 1:20:23
don't need, you don't need more to do, man. You're busy, you know. So where do you imagine if I can ask? Can you imagine that five more years from now, it's not gonna feel like this, are you really concerned that this feeling doesn't go away?

Jeff 1:20:40
I believe we're on trajectory for her to, to take over. In a part of I think that the brilliance of the age that she's been diagnosed if she had to be at a young age is that she doesn't really have to do that much other than to do all these things with the site changes and put up with with a lot. But she doesn't really, I think, identify with how you described Arden that, you know, diabetes doesn't define her and she doesn't really spend that much time on a day to day thinking about it. So to me, I know that she's got it, I know, she knows all these terms, you know, she's doing her own PDM, she'll probably treat herself for lunch, as long as she has an adult watching her. But at some point, she is going to have to step up and and react to the alarms and not just wait for someone to come to her with juice box. And so I see her as intellectually there. But you know, emotionally to really step up. And you know, which is she going to respond to an alarm at night? Or is it going to be still relying on us to come in and say, Hey, you know, wake up, drink this juice and go right back to sleep.

Kristin 1:21:46
Jeff is the optimist in our relationship. I could say something more along the lines of, okay, five years, she'll be smack in the middle of her teenage years. She'll be more responsible than most, but she'll also have a really big rebellious streak. And I don't know how that will manifest. I don't know, if she'll be the kind of person who gets really motley and moody and doesn't want to you know, she wants to take it out on her diabetes, or will she want to, to be the one who who keeps it all together? And it's a question. It's a good question. I mean,

Scott Benner 1:22:25
yeah, well, so it's so funny, because here's my response to both you and Chris. And I'll start with you first. Because I'm in a T shirt cliche you write. Worry is a waste of imagination, you have absolutely no idea what's going to happen in the future. And you trying to imagine what is going to happen is a fairly big waste of your time. All right, okay. She may or may not be all of those things, or something you can't even think of right now. Like, don't forget right now. It's just the three of you, she's gonna go meet another person, she'll have a different idea. She might go down a different road, she might figure something out. You know what I mean? Like, maybe she'll just come home one day and be like, Whoa, I can't believe it. But I would like to take care of my diabetes now. And I know what to do. And I really appreciate you guys, but get out of this. But still help me a little bit. And Jeff, but you said is interesting, because you are looking for a moment where she's just like, I understand this. Let me do it. Because you're worried that one day she'll leave the house, I'm assuming, and not understand it. And I think that that's a bit of folly, too. Because my son and I FaceTime while we're on FaceTime, we went to his baseball game the other day, and we had dinner afterwards. And there were things he was saying that I was like, wow, like that kids really growing and learning and like, listen to that, like thoughtfulness from him. And there were moments where he was saying something to me. And he needed me to tell him if he was right or not. Hmm. And he's a bright kid taking a tough major. And I think if I dropped dead right now, he he'd have an okay life. But there are still moments where he looks at me and says, I need to understand if I'm thinking about this right,

Jeff 1:23:58
instead of advice. But what

Scott Benner 1:24:00
I'm thinking is around the diabetes, I think it's sort of, um, I sort of think it's a false narrative, that idea that one day like a switch will get flipped, and then they'll just do it on their own. I think that you are involved in something that you guys might be connected on for a really long time. And again, I think if you listen back to some of the people who have struggled as adults with diabetes, their parents had this cord cutter thought in their head, like, Oh, she's got it now it's okay. And the truth was, the kid didn't have it and also didn't have the, the guts to look at the parent and say, Look, I know you want to be out of this, but I I don't understand yet. And so I think it's a I think that the amount of interaction that we have with our kids as they get older lessons, but I don't think the need for it lessons. Hmm, that makes me say,

Kristin 1:24:53
yeah, there's there's a lady we have met through our local jdrf and she just sent her her son When the kid to college, and you know, he fell asleep at night, and had a pretty shocking low, and she could still see it, whatever three cities over, you know, and, and so she's calling and then she she calls the the door manager or whomever to go and knock on the door to wake them up to get them some sugar. And I was just horrified at that story because I was just thinking, maybe maybe fantastically that, you know, I do look to test to be able to take care of that I cannot be with her on that I'm not her outside pancreas, you know, like, I'm trying to work myself out of a job.

Scott Benner 1:25:39
Well, and if that makes you feel any better to know that I thought that story was pretty cool that like there was someone to call and they went and helped her, like, hit me like, if you're hoping that your kids never gonna have a low blood sugars and adult that they don't, that they aren't aware of. I don't think that's something you should be hoping for. I don't think that's going to happen. And I don't think that everyone's always going to hear the alarms. And I think that everybody is always going to need help. And I think that aside from diabetes, people always need help. We don't admit it, really. But like, I mean, like, there's no day that goes by that you don't need somebody assistance with something. And life is always sort of better when there are other people involved anyway. So maybe it'll be your daughter's roommate, or you know what I mean? Like, maybe it'll be maybe you'll I don't know, but I couldn't wake garden up with a bullhorn, to be perfectly honest with you. But seriously, I mean, I could walk into a room and begin to scream. And should you ever tried that theory, that seems cruel, so I have it, no, but

Kristin 1:26:35
I've taken tests out of bed and set her up next to the bed and like put clothes next to her, you know, assuming that she's gonna get dressed and come back in the room, and she's sleeping on the floor. Like she just slid down the side.

Scott Benner 1:26:47
Listen, if you want to feel hopeful realize this, no matter how you think we got on this planet at one point we got here, and we didn't even speak. And now we can get into a tin can and fly all around the planet. So people have a way of persisting like, you know, I don't want to quote Jurassic Park, but life finds a way. And so most of people living with something, they find a way to live with it. And then from there, whether or not that means you're burdened by it, or you're enlightened by it, that ends up being a personal decision about how you say it. And very similarly to me looking at like taking care of my son for that first year and a half as a job. I just decided not to see it as a job anymore, I decided to see to something that, you know, I started thinking of like, vacuuming the floor is positive, because, you know, it felt like a waste of my talent. But at the same time, I wanted my kids to appreciate a clean house because I thought one day, that meant they'd keep a clean house of their own. And I visited my son at school the other day, and he keeps a really clean dorm room. And maybe I had something to do with that. Maybe I didn't, but I get to think I did so

Jeff 1:27:57
that we had 20 minutes to spare before he showed up and

Scott Benner 1:28:00
he doesn't care. He doesn't care what I think. So there's no way he would have cleaned up before I got there. So but you don't mean like there's just these little, you're planting seeds along the way. And some of them will grow trees, and some of them won't, but you're not in charge of which ones growing, which ones don't, you're just in charge of planting the seeds.

Jeff 1:28:17
It's a weird condition to because, you know, part of you part of me has this faith in the future that you know, some of the technology is going to connect and it's going to work certainly and and so there's there's that, you know, obviously we can't predict when that would be or what exact moment that's going to be I have a feeling it's going to be gradual, and we'll never really witness it or observe it and then bam, it'll be totally different.

Scott Benner 1:28:37
That's how everything happens. Everything happens like that slow and steady, slow and steady. Then a new person comes in. They don't even know how what a great advancement they've made. You and I don't ever think about boiling urine to find out what somebody's blood sugar is. But people live like that for a long time. And you know, like Cirrus pharmaceuticals just came out with this glucagon that, you know, they're it's a it's approved for emergency use right now, but their nasal? No, no, this one's a pre mixed injectable. So you never know if somebody won't take that one day and find a way to put it into a closed loop system that when your blood sugar gets low, it just gives you a little bump of glucagon. Yeah. And then your liver goes, Oh, you need some sugar, here's some glucose. And that's it. Maybe that'll be it. Maybe it'll just be that your daughter will be able to have a 58 that's fine with her and she'll be able to do a little bump of like a mini glucagon bomb glucagon pump. And just like you know, just like he would inject the insulin, you inject a little bit of that. And there are so many things that are going to happen. Even just with closed loop systems. You know, they sometimes can't stop the lows, but they can shut insulin down. So maybe she'll get into the 50s and I'm sure she will while she's off at college sometime, but maybe she'll be wearing you know, on the pods horizon, and it'll just shut her insulin off,

Jeff 1:29:52
but not the 20s or 30s.

Scott Benner 1:29:54
Right and it'll keep her from actually having a seizure or being you know, it's not going to be a great morning for her when she wakes up but she'll be Live, and you know, and she'll, she'll move on. Like, you don't know what this stuff's going to be. And again, I think trying to imagine it is, it's counterproductive to you being happy today. And live in the moment. That's it. There are a lot of T shirt slogans in this episode for sure. And I have to be honest with you. It's a we're very close. I'm very close to calling this episode either robot test testing, or, or t shirt slogans bound. I'm not sure which it's gonna be. But I really enjoyed this. And you guys were terrific.

Jeff 1:30:30
It's been great for us. We've been looking forward to it. I know. We set it up a long time ago. And it's kind of been in the back of my mind. And, you know, we've we've really enjoyed the show have learned a ton. Interestingly, we actually have an endocrinology appointment later on today. So I feel like we're gonna be having dinner tonight like with mind's blown like where what distance have we traveled today together? And where are we? And it'll feel like, like a journey, I think, what's your expectation for a Wednesday today when you get there? I'm gonna hope for

Scott Benner 1:31:02
six 7.9 6.9 ish. Well, she

Jeff 1:31:03
was That was the last one then three months ago. So I'm gonna say that I don't entirely trust the the readings that that for the a one C, I think we're coming in a little bit lower than then what the clarity tells us. So thinking 667 would be great. But obviously you fear that that what if it's a seven one? And obviously, we'll just keep on keeping on if it is, but

Scott Benner 1:31:26
it doesn't matter. But I think the truth of vigor truth is, and this is me, somebody will see this as me blowing my own horn. But I think if you keep listening to the podcast, your variability will get better. Your timing range should get better your blood urine and your one seal just drop it all just sort of start happening. And I wouldn't

Jeff 1:31:42
we need a way for Kristin, spend more time with the podcast, you know, cuz for her to listen to it with tests in the car, and they we live outside of the city. So they spend 30 minutes in the car. You know, for me that 30 minute drive is easily a podcast, but but I don't think Kristen gets the time. Well, Christina, the only thing

Scott Benner 1:31:59
I can tell you is that I know your sensibilities may be different than others, but a lot of people listening or listening with their kids. So I know I know a woman who gave this podcast to her kid. And that's what actually got his care moved into his hands. Hmm. So, you know, I don't know if I say stuff. I think the stuff you're worried about her hearing. She might not understand anyway. So that's pretty much it. I don't know. Like if Do you think it's because do you not want her to hear something? I should have asked you do you know? Do you not want her to hear something sexual? Or do you not want her to hear something that might be about diabetes, but not positive?

Jeff 1:32:36
The whole waking up dead thing is weird.

You try not to remind them about that. Right? So

Scott Benner 1:32:43
so let me uh, so as we go, I'm going to share this with you. And a woman who was a huge part of the online community back in the day and she I still see her there once in a while told me the story. She said that she kept the idea that there was a scenario with insulin where you could die from her child. Never ever told him. And one day, she got caught in a scenario where the kid they made dinner gave insulin, she had to run out with another child. So she looked to her older child 1617 years old and said, Listen, I need him to finish that food. And the kids was like, Okay, great, no problem, I'll make sure you eat it. Well, the kid didn't want to eat the food, the mom left and the older sibling, you know, told them look, eat that or you're gonna die. And that's the first time the kid had ever heard it. And when she got home, he was sitting on the floor, a mess, crying and blubbering. I don't want to die, blah, blah, blah. So I don't know that, you know, in third grade, she needs to understand the full weight of it, but I don't think it hurts for you to start explaining to her that it's important for you know, safety reasons, maybe however you come up with saying it. Because Because what you want is one day for her to put on a new kind of pump and look at you and go, it's just gonna be alright. And I go No, no, no, maybe. Is it going to kill me? I'm like, No, No, probably not. Like you want her to be able to roll with that idea not to be like put off by it because you don't want her to be somewhere one day when someone who does understand how insulin works completely decides to tell her right, you know, they mean like to me that's a lot like sex. I I prefer my daughter understands it leaving the house then when some when some crazy 13 year old boy tries to explain it to her. So, you know, I don't know it's up to you. Obviously, I'm not making a judgement. But I really think like, I think you got to teach her the whole thing.

Unknown Speaker 1:34:39
Oh, yeah, we're will confront Well, we'll do it all. I'm sorry.

Scott Benner 1:34:42
I could I could start making test friendly episodes, but you might be the only one that sensitive. You might be the only one listening Chris.

Jeff 1:34:53
He hears worse on day to day I'm pretty sure.

Scott Benner 1:34:56
Of course she does. You guys are terrific. I really will take

Jeff 1:34:59
apart Nice podcast. Sure,

Scott Benner 1:35:01
yeah, yeah. Would you just yeah, just I'll make an extra day in the week and get right to it for you. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 1:35:04
that sounds great. Thank you again, thank you.

Scott Benner 1:35:10
This episode of the podcast was brought to you by the Contour Next One blood glucose meter. And I'd like to tell you a little bit about it. So hang on for just a second, and learn with me. Contour for your girls, the spelling, Contour. Next one.com, I did it. co n POURX. t. o n e.com. When you get there, here is what you're going to learn. First of all, the Contour. Next One has its own diabetes management app that's available for iPhone, or Android. And it's amazing. It's also compatible with the Apple Health kit. For those of you with the apple, you know what I'm saying? This app is going to help you keep track of your blood sugars, those of you who don't have a continuous glucose monitor can still get a lot of important information from your finger sticks. And that information is going to be actionable. For many reasons. One of them I may be possibly in my opinion, the most important reason is that the Contour Next One blood glucose meter is accurate. Super Duper, Uber accurate. Now that's a technical term that they use to rate meters. It's super duper, Uber. They're super duper Uber, they're superduper. There's just Uber, then there's mid level, not so great. It's a very weird scoring system. This one's at the top, super duper, Uber accurate. The Contour, Next One blood glucose meter, you have to check it out. I tell you all the time, it fits in your hand nicely, and it's not very big. So it's a great mix of doesn't take up a lot of space. But I don't fumble with it because it's small. And the test trips. I just love them because they're Second Chance eligible. No, I mean, you go and you try once you don't quite get the blood drop. You can go back again, without wasting a test trip. It's excellent. All this is a Contour Next one.com you know what else is there? A little button that will tell you if you can get a free Contour. Next One meter now everyone's not eligible, but a lot of you gonna be so give it a click and find out the rest of you. You're gonna have to ask your doctor for that Contour. Next One blood glucose meter, do it. Stop walking around with that old nasty meter you've been using forever, you don't even know if it's accurate or not. You've no idea how long ago to somebody developed that thing you got in your pocket 10 years ago, you really want like 2010 meters when you could have you know, superduper Hooper, let me just finish up here by telling you about touched by type one, please, please, please go to touched by type one.org to see the good work they're doing, even in these tough times. Touched by typing needs you more than ever. So go check out what they're doing and see if it doesn't touch your heart. Hmm, got your heart. That's right. I feel like you see what I just did there. I mean, honestly, at this point, now you owe me going to touch by type one.org because I mean, I've made a connection here. Touch by type one. They're a great organization. Just go check out what they're doing, see if you're not moved.

So I want to thank Kristin and Jeff for coming on the show. They did a really terrific job. And they set all that up all that technical stuff that they did on their sites that two people could have two separate microphones and sound super clear and be on the podcast. That was them. That's how badly they wanted to come on the show. And I really appreciate it. What else I need you for here. Oh, leave a great review on Apple. I am on Apple. One thing on Apple podcasts if you can five stars say something really thoughtful and heartfelt about the podcast so that other people can find it. Thank you so much for sharing the show and for listening. June 2020 was the most downloaded calendar month in the history of the podcast eclipsing seriously eclipsing every other month before that can only happen because people like you share the show with someone else. So I really appreciate that. Thank you very much. I just I don't know what to say it was was really cool. Hey, well I've got you if you have a great doctor endocrinologist, nurse practitioner and you'd like to share it with someone else could a juice box Doc's dot com and you can just send in your information you'll see a great list of doctors all around the world that other listeners wanted to share with you. And if you have one and you'd like to share it with them, send it to me right through juice box Doc's calm. Also for the diabetes pro tips if you just want to revisit or share diabetes pro tip calm you don't have to go back into the podcast app to find the pro tips diet. B's pro tip.com leave off the last test for I mean, I don't know just there's no s at the end of this diabetes pro tip. Anything else? Huh? Me bouncing the microphone against my face trying to decide if there's anything else. I think I'm done. All right. I'll see. I think there might be one more episode this week. So check back by

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