#424 Kibitz with Jenny

Scott and Jenny talk about stuff

End of year conversation

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:10
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the last episode of season six, the last episode of 2020. This is Episode 424. And did I don't know if it has a title, I just invited Jenny to come on and chit chat with me. And we just talked for a while. It was nice. 2020 actually began with an interview with Jenny. And I thought it would be nice if we ended with one as well. You know if you want to know how prolific 2020 has been for the podcast, that episode with Jenny, that went up on January 2 2020. That was Episode 293. And this is Episode 424. It's pretty crazy. This year is going to end with almost a million and a half downloads. That's just in 2020. So the podcast is taking off. And it's all because of you and how much you share and how much you listen. And I appreciate that. Give me just one second to shout out the sponsors. Although this episode is not sponsored, I fulfilled all of my sponsorships for 2020. But I still want to thank Dexcom Omni pod, the Contour Next One blood glucose meter, g Volk hypo pen and touched by type one. And I don't want to forget to mention the T one v exchange support from the sponsors is why the podcast is able to exist. It's why it's free. It's why it's plentiful. And I think it's why it's good. Sometimes I get emails from people, and they're like, can you please tell the host? And I laugh because I am the What do they call me the I do it all. This podcast is just me. editing, scheduling, recording technical stuff, making backups of the show. It's all a one man show. And it's supported by the ads and the advertisers. So thank you very much all of the great advertisers of the Juicebox Podcast. And a special thanks to all of you who have clicked on the links and check them out. dexcom.com forward slash juicebox learn more about that Dexcom g six continuous glucose monitor. Don't forget, if you're getting your insurance through the United States Veterans Administration, the VA, go check it out. You might be really happy with the coverage you find the Contour Next One blood glucose meter is my favorite blood glucose meter ever. It's the best one Arden's ever used. It's the most accurate, it's the easiest to use. And you can find out more about it at Contour Next one.com forward slash juice box. And of course my daughter has been using an omni pod tubeless insulin pump since she was four. She is in the other room right now 16 years old and still using Omni pod because it is absolutely terrific. On the pod we'll send you a free no obligation demo. And all you have to do is go to my Omni pod comm forward slash juice box to request it. Touched by type one is a fantastic organization doing great things for people living with Type One Diabetes. They're a sponsor of the show. And you can find out more about them at touched by type one.org. And of course, g vo hypo pet. It's the glucagon my daughter Karis. And you can learn more about it at chivo glucagon.com. forward slash juicebox. And if you'd like to take just a few minutes to add meaningful data to great work that's being done for people to type on diabetes, go to T one d exchange.org. forward slash juicebox. You can help support Type One Diabetes Research. It's super easy to do right there from your home. If nothing else, you don't have to go to a doctor. You can actually be part of something p one d exchange.org. forward slash juicebox links in the show notes, links at Juicebox podcast.com, etc, etc, etc. Thanks for listening. Thanks for supporting the show. Here's my conversation with Jenny.

I thought it might be nice if we just had a relaxed conversation. Not about anything specific.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 4:45
Not about anything fun.

Scott Benner 4:47
Yeah, well no, no, we don't have to do any like hardcore diabetes stuff today. So like I said, I'm recording. So like I said to you when we spoke about recording today the very first episode of the season. Season Six was with you. And I and we basically had like a almost individual a little bit. Right. And, and this is gonna be the last episode of 2021. So I thought it would be nice to do the same thing. See? Yeah, right.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 5:15
I agree.

Scott Benner 5:15
Well, I guess we just have to chill out and relax and do something good. Plus, you don't get to hear about, you know, the people who are asking about you all the time. You know? So? No, yeah. So I get the notes. And it's always like, thank you. And at the end, just like don't thank Jenny to it, or on the Facebook page, where, where people, you know, I saw someone yesterday, say, you know, I went to integrate a diabetes to work with Jenny. She wasn't available. So they put me somewhere else. And I said, I think I answered back. And that might be my fault that Jenny doesn't have any room on her calendar. I told somebody recently, how, when you're telling me about emails you get from the podcast, people are like, Oh, your people? And I was like, Yeah, they're just the people listen to the podcast, that there's much your people as they are my people.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 6:06
Right?

Scott Benner 6:08
I don't know. I just wondered 2021 that needed to be wrapped up somehow. So how was your year?

Jennifer Smith, CDE 6:17
My year was, I mean, all around. It was a fine year. I mean, it really was I, you know, nothing major. Thankfully, in our family, we didn't have any, you know, disruptions in any weirdness. But it is what it is. And we made it through and hopefully next year is better. Other ways. Like I really, I think this this year, like everybody sort of missed travel and that kind of stuff, you know, the conferences and things that I was supposed to speak at, and a couple of them. Usually I bring my husband and my guys along with me, and they kind of go and explore the city while I'm stuck inside a freezing cold conference center. So we didn't do that this year. But, you know, hopefully next year, that'll be back on the agenda. Maybe and

Scott Benner 7:09
so I missed my speed here. Yeah, I missed this stuff. I was supposed to speak out. I wish I could have. It would have been nice. My family never offers to come with me. That's one third just like goodbye. I think they're trying to get away from me. And, hey, we don't even have to run away. He's gonna leave this is perfect. But I do, I did miss like that conversation, meeting people. Right, who found the podcast and came out to say hello are watching the faces of people in the audience. As you say something, it clicks in their head, and you can see them think like, Oh, right, why did I never think of that, you know, at this, at this moment, I'm not 100% sure if you stood me up in front of people, if I'd remember any of the things that I used to say, I might have to go back and study up a little bit because it Yeah, I'm not I'm not certain.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 7:56
In fact, I think the travel I don't know if it was the last travel you had to but was literally like March 1, oh, no, I came home from Atlanta was when we were at the jdrf thing in Atlanta together. And that was the last literal travel that I did.

Scott Benner 8:11
Well, the first thing you and I ever did together was the last thing I've ever done. So right,

Unknown Speaker 8:15
yeah. That's weird. It

Scott Benner 8:18
was really strange. I just, I feel like I feel I felt like back then. There was this talk of like, people are getting this thing and they're calling it comme Coronavirus. And it seems like it's getting serious, like that was the vibe around it. But I'm just gonna go to Georgia, because it's probably nothing and, you know, then by the time I got home, it was just like getting your homes, alarms going off and

Jennifer Smith, CDE 8:44
close the doors

Scott Benner 8:46
through the street with pitchforks, and, you know, lanterns and I was like, Oh, wait a minute, I just made it back.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 8:52
Right. I can remember being at the Atlanta airport, you know, flying home actually is more like where I remember seeing a lot of people already like wearing masks in the airport. And, you know, my silly brain was just like, we know something is going on. Right? And I wasn't like being I mean, I always wash my hands. I was very cognizant of what I taught when I'm in a very public place like that, or even on airplanes. Yeah. And like wiping things down. But like the people with the masks on in the airport, I was sort of like, Hmm, maybe I should be a little more careful. Maybe not. And then of course, like two weeks later, everything got close. So

Scott Benner 9:33
yeah, suddenly you're running around going I need a mask.

Unknown Speaker 9:36
Where's Right, right.

Scott Benner 9:38
And that was a great event. They did a really nice job with that one. Kim ran that I think,

Jennifer Smith, CDE 9:43
yeah, it was a really they did a wonderful, wonderful job. In fact, I met several people actually who came there specifically for your presentation, which was awesome. had literally drove in from like other states to be able to come in Then called to do some work with

Unknown Speaker 10:03
me nice.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 10:04
So it was kind of nice because I'd actually gotten to meet them in person at that conference, and now I've gotten to know them. And they're lovely people. And

Scott Benner 10:14
it's so nice. I just interviewed the husband of one of the adults living with Type One Diabetes, that they'll be met there. And I think it just went up a little while ago. Awesome. Yeah, it just it was a great, it was really interesting, too, I thought. So let me say something nice about you. Oh, so aside of your knowledge of diabetes, and how you think about it, which I think jives very closely with how I think about it. You're really good at being on the podcast, you probably don't even realize that, but you're very comfortable to talk to you wait, and jump in at the right times. I don't think we ever talk over each other while we're talking. Nothing's planned, which makes it even more kind of crazy that it works. But when we got to Georgia, we did like, I think you did a room while I was doing a room. And then you came into my room. And then we did one together. Yep. didn't practice it. I didn't tell you what we were gonna talk about. I just grabbed the microphone, I started talking. And when it felt comfortable, I threw it to you. And when it felt comfortable, you threw it back to me. And I really thought it worked amazingly. Well. You were like the best partner for talking about diabetes was so thank you very much.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 11:25
Oh, thank you. Yeah. And I think actually, we have literally only talked in person, like five minutes prior to me coming in on kind of the second half of your whole presentation and talk and everything. So yeah, you had come in before I was doing sort of a breakout in another room about I can't remember what the topic was. But yeah, it was kind of fun. Because then I just got to chat with you on

Scott Benner 11:50
stage with everybody. We basically just met there. And then it gets crazy. Again, you can't find each other. Like I was like, well, I'll have lunch with Jenny. And then when it happened, I couldn't find you. Yeah, you know, and that was I think we said goodbye, maybe. And then we were back recording again a couple weeks later. But no, it's just you have no idea because there are people I have on throughout the years. And I think this person's very knowledgeable about this. And there's more to say about it. But it was just too hard to talk to them. Not that they did anything wrong. It just there was there's no there was no comfortable back and forth. It didn't work right. And I ended up not doing it again with them. So I'm just think I'm lucky. And everyone listening is lucky. Because you're just very good at this. And have you ever done anything like this prior to being on this podcast? No,

Jennifer Smith, CDE 12:37
not ever I need my other are much more professional, like, prepare it ahead of time put the PowerPoint thing together. You know, I think the the closest to this would be I've done some webinars for some type one adult groups kind of more on like the West Coast that I've done sort of in an evening kind of program for them. But again, it's more of a pick a topic, put some information together and then have some some discussion with the people who were joining in to learn. But it's never been this. I know I never think of like I always think that this is like a little bit of a break from my work day. Whenever I get to like talk and do this with you. It's very enjoyable. I totally I love it.

Scott Benner 13:23
I completely agree. Oh, no, no, I 100% agree. I always leave. I always come in the room smiling and leave the room smiling. And then I say your name a couple of times during the day. And my wife's like, Did you have a good time with anything? I was like we did. And then I start talking about it. And I realize she's making fun of me and then I stop. So

Unknown Speaker 13:39
that's funny. Yeah,

Scott Benner 13:40
it just is a really, it's a stroke of luck. Because, I mean, honestly, the podcast does really well. But it does better because of you. Like there's just no doubt about it. Like I could get on the microphone and talk through those ideas. But it just wouldn't have the same feeling. And I think it wouldn't be as engaging. I think it might taste like medicine a little bit when people are listening. There's something about our conversation that makes it, you know, easy for people to pick up. And because of that, and I'm sure you do too. But I'm up to about 10 to a dozen notes a day about people's lives getting better. And that's just a really big deal. I mean, I used to write about this stuff on my blog, and I would get them I'd get a letter like once a month, you know, a couple times a month, hey, this is really helping me. But the podcast just it's at a different frequency. And I really think it's got a lot to do with the fact that I found you so I'm glad that you think of it as a break. That's really nice. Like you're talking about diabetes all day.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 14:47
I do I think of it it's it's kind of like whenever I see it on my calendar for the weekend, like oh yeah, I get to talk to Scott this week. It's it's always fun to have a conversation even as in depth in some of The topics as we get, I think, the nice thing is that there's a, I know, there's a, there's a comfort level from both sides from your side and my side in terms of the discussion point. And again, like, I usually don't know what you're going to bring up for the day, which is even, I think nicer to keep it more conversational. But it's, we have a very easy like back end flow of information. And I, the big thing is, I never really feel like I'm like educating you. Which I guess is the reason that I like the conversations, because even though you ask some questions for me to elaborate on, right. And I know that it's helping so many other people when they're listening. It's also nice to have your sort of background and whatnot along with it.

Scott Benner 15:53
Well, I see. That's right. I feel like you just referred to me like as almost appear. And that's way too kind. But I very much appreciate it, I have to say that some of the nicest things around this diabetes stuff that's been said to me over the years is by you. When you once told me, if you once said if you had a degree, you could do this, like you could do my job. I was really touched by that. And very similarly, when you said that my tug of war description for Pre-Bolus Singh was like the best way you would ever heard it explained,

Unknown Speaker 16:31
is Oh,

Scott Benner 16:32
no, no, that really makes me that makes me uncomfortable, even now that you just said it again. But it. But that meant a lot to me. Because I don't know, I just I don't know why it's surprising to me, other than to say that if you could get into a time machine and go back 30 years, and find 19 year old Scott, and you could really get to know him. And then I pulled you aside and said that kid, one day will be the person that people listen to about this, this this, you'd go No, No, that can't be right. I just met the guy and I don't think I think you've got the wrong person. There's no way it just, it is to this day. shocks me that I'm the person who runs this podcast. It doesn't Yeah, I don't. It's weird that it's me. And I don't I recognize that. What I'm what I'm good at. And, like, I'm not shocked on that level. Like, it's not false modesty. It's not like, it's not like, Oh, I don't really know that stuff. You shouldn't say that. It's not that I don't feel like an imposter. It's just if you could have seen the trajectory of my life. It just didn't. It wasn't I don't know how it ended up being me other than Arden got diabetes, you know. So, yeah, it's very,

Jennifer Smith, CDE 17:49
I think, I think life experiences

Unknown Speaker 17:53
shift people often.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 17:56
And I, whether people choose to keep moving along with that shift or not, sort of is the difference. I think, you know, I mean, when I, when I was diagnosed with diabetes, I wanted to be a veterinarian. I had wanted to be a veterinarian, since I was like, a very small child. My grandpa had a farm I loved like all the animals, I always ask big questions. We had cats when I was growing up, I always wanted to go to the veterinarian office whenever we did ask lots of questions. And then when I was diagnosed, you know, I had really good educators, thankfully. And in high school, then just sort of like shifted, I realized I was really good at science. And I really also started my mom is an amazing cook. She just, she's awesome. And I kind of realized that because food was such a big part of diabetes management, that maybe I should kind of switch gears and sort of go the route of in a different didn't want to be a nurse. I don't do some of nursing things very well. They bleed all over me. But like the whole, like mucus angle can do that thing. So I was like, Oh, I like do I like nutrition anyway, so let's be a dietitian. And then I knew that I didn't want to do that. Like I don't want to teach people about low cholesterol diets. That's just not for me. Right. But diabetes was the thing. So again, I I kind of think, you know, I don't know, who knows, maybe if something else had happened in your life with kids, maybe you would have had a very different angle. But this was the course that you were supposed to have. And you've done an amazing thing for so many people starting this you have,

Scott Benner 19:39
I just feel like I thank you. I just feel like I saw its value. And so I leaned into it. But I mean, there's a part of me, I won't lie to you. There was a part of me at one point that thought, This is what I'm going to do. Like I'm going to write about and talk about diabetes in my free time. Like I don't even have diabetes. Have you been watching my blood sugar's online? I definitely go. I

Jennifer Smith, CDE 20:03
haven't. Actually I should I definitely

Scott Benner 20:05
about it. I definitely don't have diabetes. So good. Yeah, yeah, you actually, isn't it funny the irony of what I'm doing? I haven't even taken the time to like, celebrate that I don't have it. There's a couple times I'm like, Oh, this isn't not very exciting for the people watching. Instead of just thinking, this is great that I can walk past that candy dish pull, like, three candies out that total like 30 carbs, it's just pure sugar. And Ethan, and my blood sugar doesn't move. And I haven't had I haven't even had time to be like, yeah, that's exciting. But to what I was saying, there was a moment where I was like, This is what I'm gonna do, because my trajectory was, I wanted to be a screenwriter, like I wanted to write movies. That's how I, that's what I thought about when I was growing up. And then I was in a poor family, I didn't get to go to college, I had to go right to work. And I just had terrible jobs. I mean, like, I worked in sheetmetal, shops and paint rooms, and just terrible things. And the entire time I was there, I would just feel like, I'm not supposed to be here. Like, this isn't my I didn't, I didn't I love the guys that I worked with. And that whole part of it was terrific. But I just kept thinking, like, I have these things in my head, I should, okay, and but I'd get home, I'd be so tired, it wouldn't matter. And I was still broke, and just kept going over and over again, like that. And one day, I just thought, I've got to get out of this, like I can't, you know, I can't keep doing this forever. And a friend of mine was collecting debts. And she's like, you can talk, you can, you could do this job easily. So then the next thing I knew, I went from like, a sheet metal shop to sitting in a cubicle with a screen in front of me and somebody whose information would pop up, you'd have 10 seconds to familiarize yourself with this data on the screen. And trust me, it didn't look like computers. Look. Now it was you know, wasn't easy. And then you'd hear a voice and they'd be like, hello. And they were there. Hi, Jenny. My name is Scott. I'm calling from I forgot what it was something bank. You're 28 days late, on your on your payment, you're in jeopardy of going to 60 days late. We really need you to make a payment right now. I was Dunning people. And wow, I didn't know that I was so good at it. I quit the job. Because it made me feel bad how good I was at it. Like it was a job you didn't want to be good at. Right. You know, and, and so I used that experience to move to a credit union doing the same thing. And then the minute I could get out of it, I became their graphic designer, which I had no background in whatsoever. It was it was a little tiny credit union. And the job came up. And I went to the Human Resources person. I said, I can do that. Like I've seen the things that you guys produce here. I can make them all. And they just what would it hurt them? Like I wasn't making very much money. So they took a flyer and I did well at it. And did it for a number of years until Kelly got pregnant was cold. And then I quit my job and I had been a stay at home dad for I quit my job at the end of 1999. Wow, yeah, I haven't had a real job since then. And but I never, I would write things I would try to write things and never had enough time, I was always exhausted. And then Arden got diagnosed. And I was I didn't know what to do. So I wrote a blog about diabetes. You know, I just didn't, I didn't want her to struggle at some point. And I really felt like she was going to and I wasn't understanding it. And I don't have the kind of brain this is gonna sound strange. Maybe I can't I couldn't figure it out. Like I couldn't step back and look at it and figure it out. I had to like live through it, and then go back and write about it. And then like little lights would get turned on as I was going. That's why some people are, you know, I see some people online, they're like, I'm not getting this quickly enough be very upset with themselves then, like your kids had diabetes for six months. Like it two years, I was still crying in the shower, you know, like it's only six months in, and your kids a one c seven, and I can see it coming down consistently like you're, you know, three months from now you have this? Right, you know, it took me a lot longer to figure it out. And it really wasn't until I wrote something on the blog, one day when it really just hit me I was like, there's a system here. I didn't even realize it at first. And, and I didn't even know what it was. I just knew it was there. So I picked through everything that I wrote and it was like that and that plus that and that equals a good outcome. And you know, and then I picked those pieces and I refined them down

Jennifer Smith, CDE 25:00
It's kind of like data analysis, really. But you just did it in a different way.

Scott Benner 25:03
Yeah, trust me, because I can't analyze data. And so and so I kept distilling them down. But I, I understood them already. I didn't need I was distilling them down so I could write about them. Right, because I have a real belief about communication. And I don't think that people like to be talked at. And I don't think people like things that sound like medicine, especially when they're already, you know, upset. And so I just kept going. And I just kept telling myself, like, if you can make these ideas, t shirt, slogans, and people will be able to remember them. And that was it. And, and then I guess it's just lucky that I wrote that book. Because I got to write a book called Life is short laundry is eternal. And it was about being a stay at home dad. That got me. I can remember the exact day that I decided to make a website for myself, like Scott Benner calm, which is don't go look at it. It's, I haven't looked at it in like 10 years. But because I made that around the book. Katie Kirk's producer found me looking for Father's around Father's Day. Wow. Right. And so the next thing I knew, I was on a soundstage in in New York, doing this interview with Katie Couric. And when it was over, she grabbed me and she was like, you're so good at this. And I was like, What is it? I'm good at, like, cuz I didn't even know. I didn't know what she was talking about. She's like, you're just so entertaining. And you speak so freely. This was wonderful, as like, thank you. And then I left. And like two weeks later, a different producer called me and she said, I'm Katie Kirk's producer. And I was like, No, you're not. I already spoke to Katie Kurtz producer. She's a different person. She does know that her web producer, I'm her television producer. And I was like, okay, and she goes on, we have a slot. In a couple of days. We're having some single dads or some stay at home dads, come on. And we'd like you to come. I was like, yeah, I'll do that. You know. So the next thing Oh, awesome. It was so cool. But I got there. And she looked at me and smiled. Like she knew me, like, recognize me, which was nice. And I sat down. And Jenny, it if one of these things is not like the other ever existed, it was me. Right? Like, I was like, much older than these other guys. These guys were all like very kind of like metrosexual guys from like New York and stuff like that, right? Who are just like, you know, taking care of their kids. And, and I'm just answering the questions that come along. And then this one guy starts talking about this whole experience is making my wife and I closer, and he's just it was so pie in the sky and like happy and I just, it wasn't my turn to talk. But I leaned down, I looked down the line. I was like, Hey, I interrupted him. And I was like, how long have you been married? And he goes, Oh, we've been married like a year. And I laughed. And then I could see on the monitor, the cameras swung over to me. And I was like, You don't have any idea what you're talking about. You're not even married yet. Like I said, Come back 15 years from now and tell me that story. And then I'll tell you, you're doing a great job. And then I said something old

Jennifer Smith, CDE 28:15
are your kids at this point?

Scott Benner 28:17
It was eight years ago. So Cole was like,

Jennifer Smith, CDE 28:20
Oh, so it was a long it was Yeah, they were old enough, like well, old enough that you had been married and had life with kids. And I

Scott Benner 28:28
had already been yelled out a couple of 1000 times I knew what like what it was like to be married. And so and, and I don't remember what I said next. But whatever I said next made 500 people who were in the studio audience laugh at the same time. And I have to tell you that that is a feeling that is difficult to duplicate. Because now you feel like you feel like a puppet master. Like I wonder if I can make them do this. And what if I could try and write you know what I mean? And then, and then Katie pulled me aside again afterwards and said, Wow, that was terrific. She's like, you were this whole thing. And I said, Thank you. And she's like you, this was going nowhere, and you absolutely saved it. And it was just such a nice moment. And then she's awesome. And that made me think about making a podcast. So that's it. I never would have leapt from the diabetes blog to a diabetes podcast. It didn't occur to me to do that. So sure it was her so if you're all happy with your agency's thank Katie Clark.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 29:33
Well, I think you know, the big thing too is like I and maybe this is just sort of like reading into but like the feeling you got when the people laughed, and you knew it was an honest laugh. Like it wasn't a generated like, audience please laugh kind of signed up above like, they thought it was hilarious.

Scott Benner 29:52
Yeah.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 29:53
And you kind of took that even if it was on like a subconscious level and said, you know, if I can make people laugh Why can't I take what I know? And like, give that to more people to just be able to feel like they can do better to, like, I don't want to be the only one doing a good job at this. And I mean, that's kind of myself too. Every time somebody sends me a message that, you know, I got my agency down, and now my doctor has given me a go ahead to get pregnant. Or, you know, my child's endo team is astounded at what we're doing together. And they're amazed at his agency being here. And they're usually happy if it's just at seven and a half, you know, I mean, then the notes and things that's my like, audience happy laughing to me, like, I just, that's why I like doing what I do.

Scott Benner 30:48
So I appreciate that. And I feel the exact same way. When the first person told me that their doctor told me to listen to the podcast. I was like, Ooh, I'm doing I'm onto something. You know what I mean? Yeah. And that same kind of interaction where the audience laughed? Is, I tried to, I don't know how to say I don't. I don't. Is it funny? I'm not trying to insult anybody, because I'm definitely not I don't have those feelings. But I know how your blood sugar can be stable and steady. Right? And it's, I see it as my job to get it across to people. Anyway, I can. And I know that the picture you paint for one person that makes them go, Okay, this is it isn't the one that works for someone else. Right. Right. And so while I think most people make podcasts thinking, well, I am tangentially related to this subject. And I'll have conversations with people about it. It'll be interesting. And those people are always wrong, or not always wrong. But podcasts are interesting. There are a lot of podcasts, I believe that at the moment, there are 1.5 million of them. Of those 1.5 million. I forget what it is, maybe only a half a million, put up an episode a month, have only 50% of them get like 140 downloads per episode. So the truth is, it's easy to have a podcast like it used to be easy to have a blog, the large majority of them are either aren't being produced regularly or no one's really listening to them to begin with. Sure, like for perspective, while you and I are recording this, I should have a couple of 100 new downloads. By the time I put this down again, this podcast gets a lot of downloads. So there's this very finite amount of podcasts that anybody's actually listening to. And I realized that not everybody hears the tug of war story and then goes, Oh, Pre-Bolus thing, I got it. And you also have to realize that not everybody's hearing every episode. So right, my job's not just to do it once. It's to do it over and over and over again, in a way that hopefully doesn't take the people who found the show five years ago, and and bore them. Like I want them to stay for the community aspect. And because in truth if they stay, then the podcast gets more downloads of the podcast gets more downloads, then it's easier to sell ads. And if it's easier to sell ads, and I get to keep making the podcast, right like this thing kind of like all ties itself together. But I am working the strings of the puppets a little bit like I do say things to trick the people listening to into understanding diabetes. It's it doesn't it's not that's not the intention, but it is a positive trick. Yes, it's a very positive.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 33:41
It's, it's a positive reasoning trick. There's not like anything, you know, malicious.

Scott Benner 33:48
Right. Now what I've basically done is I've taken my superpower, and I've turned it to good. Like, really, unless you ever seen the boys on Amazon, some of these guys get superpowers and they just do terrible things with it. Not me. I've decided to do something good with it. So yeah, it makes me think of the last day of ninth grade. I have very few memories of school. But I'm going down the hallway. And my guidance counselor comes out of his office and grabs me and it's such an impactful moment that I I remember his name and I remember no one's name, and I'm sure he's got to be long passed, but his name was Mr. Wiley. He pulled me into a like a little nook, which today I think would be assault. And he goes, What are you gonna do in high school? And I was like, What? What do you want to be when you grow up? And I'm like, I, my brain. I'm like, Well, now we're talking about this, oh my god, we're out of here in three hours. I'm never coming back to this building. I said, I don't really know. And he said, You should be an attorney. That's what I think. And I said why? And he goes, you're just very good at talking to people. You should be an attorney. And I remember feeling very filled with like, I came from a divorced family. Nobody ever told me nice things about myself. You know, there was no time for that. And I think Felt good that he thought I could be an attorney. And then I said, I couldn't do that. And he said, Why? I said, Well, then I'd be an attorney. And he laughed, because I think he thought I was making like casting aspersions at the law profession. But what I really meant was that I'd be an attorney every day for the rest of my life. Like, and I don't want to do that. I don't want to do anything every day for the rest of my life. I feel like there's a lot of things I could do. And he laughed, I laughed, we were like, hey, and then I, you know, I walked out. I remember it because it was a positive impact because somebody, an adult, said something to me as a child that was positive. But then I did exactly the opposite of his. Like, I didn't lean into my education at all, like I looked at high school as something I had to get through. Right, which was a huge mistake. But I just negotiated my way through that. Just every I got to high school. They put us in this auditorium, and said there was a technical school that was a few miles away, where you can learn to weld or, you know, do all this stuff. And there was a field trip, you could go look around. And I was like, that sounds like for losers. That's how I write. And then they said, and the way the schedule runs is two weeks a month, you go to tech school full time and two weeks a month, you go to high school full time, and I thought, so I only have to go to high school for a year and a half. If I go to tech school, put me on that bus. So I went over, went through every room. No small engine repair, making the food for the cafeteria, there was hairdressing school. I don't want to do any of

Jennifer Smith, CDE 36:36
that way to come in handy. This past separate. See my

Scott Benner 36:39
hair right now, by the way if I could cut my own hair. So I made the decision to go to baking school. Because that had the most pretty girls. Listen, if I have to come to avoid a year and a half of high school, I'm gonna come I'm doing this. My parents were like, whatever. Like they just nobody cared. And, and I just picked the room with the most pretty girls. And now I can bake like you wouldn't believe.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 37:11
I'm glad you learned something out of it besides just looking at pretty girl. Yes,

Scott Benner 37:15
yes. Where you can make a cinnamon button six at a time. I can make 600 of them at a time. So I'm, that's the kind of baking I learned to bill. But I really I got out of that. I got a job in a bakery. You had to start at 130 in the morning. I did it for a week and I quit. I was like I'm not doing this. Yeah. I

Jennifer Smith, CDE 37:37
was so happy during my my dietetic internship, the food service aspect of it. I mean, I knew that I was never going into food service. I'd never wanted to do that. But we had to do that type of a rotation. And I too had to be in the bakery of the hospital system food service area. I think it was like 230 in the morning. And I was like,

Scott Benner 38:01
I couldn't do

Jennifer Smith, CDE 38:02
glad this four weeks is done. Bye. Bye. I will not be

Scott Benner 38:08
I texted my brother last night around six o'clock to wish him a happy birthday. And he was just waking up and getting ready to go to work because he works a shift and like shift work.

Unknown Speaker 38:17
I'm like, Oh my god, how

Scott Benner 38:18
does he do that? You know? But yeah, I just, there was nothing. And I just jumped my my uncle gave me a job. But did that for a while I did everything else that I told you about it. There's a bunch of others. I've worked in a 711 for like a year. Like, that was it like I just I wanted, I didn't know what I wanted to do. I cut lawns for people. And it's Kelly really, who deserves a lot of credit for seeing who I was through what my life made me look like I was Yeah, I don't know if that makes sense or not. But I didn't like if you looked at what I did and how I did it. I appeared one way but she actually listened to me and you know, kind of heard my thoughts and I just got randomly lucky. I really, I really belong, like in a trailer somewhere. Oh, no, I do. You know, please

Unknown Speaker 39:06
really don't left

Scott Benner 39:08
my own devices. I'm somewhere with a with like a bog. like Shrek basically is what I'm saying. I think that's about all I would have accomplished on my own. Kelly was the one who I think saw like my potential. And not that she was trying to coax it out of me. But she didn't judge me for the other stuff. You know, like that I was working in the 711 which there's nothing wrong with it was a perfectly fine job and, and I did it I worked hard at it. But you know, it's not a career, obviously. And it just was a way to pass time and make some money to pay bills. And one day I just realized I'm like all you're doing is living to pay this bill to live to pay the bill like this. You don't have to do something. But a lot of just lucky. Like I said like how do I talk to a human resources person into letting the credit card collector do the it's so If any, if all this tells you one thing, it's that my, it's talking is what I'm really good at. So I talked my way.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 40:08
And I think you've, you've sort of finessed your talking, though, to a point of really being able to teach. And that's there's a difference. Because, I mean, there are a lot of professionals who have gone to college and spent 1000s of dollars to do what they do, and still do not talk. Well. They just and that's I feel bad saying it, but it's the truth. I mean, and dust is. Dust is I think a lot of the reason, and I certainly wouldn't down any of the diabetes professionals that are out there. But when you're in a, in a when you're managing a condition, like diabetes, talking sometimes needs to go beyond, like, the basic hit points on a list to address. And you have to get to a very personal level of talk in order to meet the need. And everyone's needs are everyone's needs are different.

Scott Benner 41:15
Right? So well. Yeah, that's that's basically what answered the question to me when people like when I talk to somebody privately, that doesn't have diabetes, like they're like, wait, so someone listens to your podcast to learn about diabetes, instead of talking to their doctor. And I was like, Yeah, I was like, the doctors are, generally speaking not great at explaining it to them. And you know, it's hard for like a lay person who doesn't have type one to even understand how that would be. Because most people's experience with doctors, is one of the problems with going to a doctor, is that your support you people think you go in there and you sit quietly, and they tell you something, and then you leave with the answer, right? And it just doesn't work that way, especially with type one. But still even talking. Like if I'm not lying to you, if I tell you that 30 seconds before you popped up, I was thinking maybe we should talk about like some, like, do some defining diabetes stuff. And then when I saw you, I was like, No, let's just talk like, do like an end of year wrap up. So nothing that I've said, while we were talking Have I ever considered before I said it, and I speak pretty quickly. So that I make sense. While I'm talking. That's where I think, again, I think everyone's good at something. But I'm proud of myself, like I can't believe I'm this good at speaking in a coherent way that leads to something I'm not just filling time.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 42:39
Yeah, you should be proud of what you've put out there. I mean, it's, it's, it's been beneficial enough in specially in terms of what you've seen in the listeners that you have and the growth and who it's reaching that more and more and more people keep, like, Hey, you should listen to the juicebox. Hey, you should listen to the juice box. And that outreach is beyond. I mean, I don't know how many other places I know, online, too, that I could send people to listen to, or do a little bit more reading or whatnot. And but many of them, I don't I mean, there are lots of them. Yeah, and I don't direct people to very many other sites, I just don't, because when, when you want somebody to really learn and to continue to learn, especially in the past five years, with all the changes that have come with diabetes management, you have to continue to evolve and move along with that in your discussion. And you also have to be willing to say, Hey, you know, a couple of years ago, I remember we talked about such and such, and with today's technology, we don't need to do that anymore, or we don't need to do it as much, or it's changed now. So you need to continue to sort of move people into learning that things aren't just gonna stay where they are.

Scott Benner 44:07
Well, those. So I think where most people get stuck, and this is where the listeners deserve. A lot of the credit is there, those people get so stuck trying to drive traffic that they take what's what they hear people talking about online, and they turn it into content. And I don't think of it that way. I don't look to the people who need the answers, for the ideas about what to say. And I think those other blogs and probably some of the look, I don't know, I've never listened to another type one podcast, but I can tell you that I can see some metrics online. And as far as Type One Diabetes podcasts go, there's this one, and then the rest don't come anywhere near this one in terms of listenership right and, and I don't mean them, I think it's terrific. Like I really think it's terrific that people do what they do and if they're helping people, I think that's terrific, but If they they'd see more growth, if they were giving people something that made a listener, like get off and think I have to tell somebody about this. Right, right. You know, I, I listened to podcasts, and some of them, I enjoy, but I would never tell anyone else to listen to. And there are some that every time I'm with somebody, I'm like, have you heard this conversation on this thing? Like, it's, it drives you to want to talk to somebody. I just think that, while he, you know, Jenny and I talked maybe a week ago, we set a schedule. So like, she's on the schedule throughout 2021. And I told her what I wanted to do in 2021. And then I was like, hey, in 2022, I also think we should start moving in this direction a little bit. And, and that's what she's talking about, like, I know where diabetes is going. And I need to understand it so that when it's happening to you listening in real time, I'm already, you know, I can I can articulate it in a way that will help you do it. Right. I just see it that way. Like I've never worried about the clicks, I always think about anything that I've ever produced and put online. If it's good people will listen to it, if it's great people will tell people about it. But you can't force people to tell people about things that we're sharing, like, please share, please click please. Like, just if it's good, it's good if it's not stop wasting people's time. And I think the diabetes space where it fails over and over again, is that it just does the same kind of banal over and over again, like, Hey, here's a recipe for a fourth of July. Right, Great, thanks. I don't my kids chart jumps up my graph goes 463 5082. Right, I don't your low carb, you know, hotdog bun recipe is not gonna save my life, I have bigger problems. And, and all of those other places, no matter how friendly, they try to make them, Look, our businesses, and they are not going to go out on a limb and tell you how to Pre-Bolus they just won't. It's the it and it's despicable that it's despicable that some doctors won't even do it. Because they don't want you to get low and come back and say, Look what you did to me. I would rather you drop dead 15 years before you're supposed to and have nobody to sue. And and, you know, I gave them I gave them competent care is what they would think when it was over. And not everyone's like that. But if there wasn't a lot of people like that, then this podcast would have no need and nobody be listening to it. So

Jennifer Smith, CDE 47:33
well. And I think that's, that's kind of you can't really sugarcoat things, right? Because people eventually see that. And you have to give it like it is this is the information. This is how to do it, if you choose to go forward and use it. Great. And if you don't, well, then at least you heard it somewhere, right? I mean, it's kind of like the eons ago. I mean, my nephew, who is now 21, he was diagnosed when he was seven. And at that point, when he was diagnosed, his doctors kept telling his parents, it's okay, if his blood sugar is, you know, 250 he's little. And that's okay, for right now. We're just worried about him being too low. And whenever my husband and I, we didn't have kids at that point, but whenever we'd go and visit them, I'd be like, it is not okay for his blood sugar to be 250. I mean, that was like eons ago, right? Like 15, or whatever years ago. Not quite but and so bringing this up now is really important, because there are a lot of little kids and teens being diagnosed. And for them to know from the beginning that despite their services being much more conservative, and that quote, unquote, like, let's make sure that you're safe. And by no means am I saying Don't be safe. But that down the road, like you said 15 years from now. They're little blood vessels and things are not going to be safe because you were more comfortable with a blood sugar of 200.

Scott Benner 49:17
Yeah, so the the evil person that lives inside of me that, you know, that I got rid of a long time ago who could have become an attorney and become really rich doing it. That person doesn't get the worst thing that I can imagine Jenny is wasted time. Like I have a real trouble with that. I do not like to waste time. I don't like to have conversations that that aren't valuable. I don't like to have friends that I just I hate wasting time right? It feels like the ultimate sin. And if I was the type of person who could put out a podcast about nothing and draw you into it when You could be out there using that time, legitimately learning how to make yourself healthier. I couldn't live with myself and do something like that i and i think that there are too many people who have talked themselves into believing there's no real help for these people with diabetes. So I'll just serve them this bland content. And I'll get them excited every year about a cure coming. And then I'll string them along with some recipes for something. And then once in a while, I'll let somebody tell a story about how scary it was to have diabetes. And that'll keep them locked in with fear. I mean, I want you people to listen, which is why I do the interviews with other people. I think good stuff comes out of the interviews. But I think also that too many of you listening don't know another person with Type One Diabetes. So you get to listen to people who have type one, I try to make it entertaining, so that it's not just like, the same thing over and over,

Jennifer Smith, CDE 50:58
where they could essentially be watching like a presentation on a PowerPoint. Yeah, you don't want that there's no personality.

Scott Benner 51:07
I talked to April Blackwell a couple days ago, and I put it right up. And I think we talked about diabetes for eight seconds. And then she, she flies the International Space Station. So like, this is what we need to be talking about, you know, and she has type one diabetes. Same thing with when Alyssa Wallerstein was on. She said, world class cello player, like I asked her about how she Pre-Bolus is, you know what I mean? Like, like, no, like, like, let's have great conversations. Those conversations to me are really interesting and help you meet people who have type one diabetes who do interesting things. Because if I just came on every time and I was like, Alright, feet on the floor, this is what it is, you know, you'd be out of here, and it wouldn't help you then. And I have to part of my job is to trick you into doing better with your diabetes. Like it really is. Like I said something online the other day, somebody asked a question. And I was like, Jenny said that I can't remember where. And there's this part of me that's like, wait a minute, are you not listening to every episode? I'm doing this very specifically for you. But I understand everyone can't listen to every minute. Or that maybe I don't do a good job sometimes or whatever, or you know, but the idea is that I honestly believe if you went back, I don't know, I haven't heard episode one since I recorded it. I don't know what's in it. But what I can tell you is if you went back, found a way to listen to 420 episodes of this podcast, when you got to the end, you'd be incredibly good at taking care of your diabetes. And you may have heard, you may have heard 50 hours of conversation that later you could write off and say it had nothing to do with it. But I don't know how to point you to the exact episodes you need to hear like I don't know which episode, Jenny said when you fall asleep. your digestion slows down. Like I don't know which one that is. And you know, Jenny, there are, does this happen to you? I'll get a note from somebody. And they're like, Oh, my God, what you said worked. And I'm like, Who are you? And

Jennifer Smith, CDE 53:11
what was it that I said that works? Let me apply

Scott Benner 53:15
it exactly. Like tell me that. And then I have to like I dig backwards. And I'm like, Oh, this is a person, they have a kid and I read it. And then I realized that we had enough meaningful back and forth. I get that she thinks I know who she is. Except I've had them back and forth like that with 100 more people since then. And I don't know who you are anymore. Like, I it's the worst thing to like somebody go I'm so sorry to ask this. Who are you?

Jennifer Smith, CDE 53:37
What was your name again?

Scott Benner 53:38
Don't don't I don't have time to go look, and but that's good. Like, that's good. Because the more people who learn how to handle themselves, well, the more they'll tell somebody else which will lead to other people having healthy results. And I'm telling you, like it's a it's a long shot for me. But I want for this podcast to fundamentally change how doctors talk to people with type one diabetes. Like I want to my whatever my last day is like I want I want one of my last thoughts to be no one's gonna cry in the shower. And I helped, you know, right, right. That's what I'm shooting for. Well, I

Jennifer Smith, CDE 54:16
think what helps to is kind of what you were elaborating on with discussion, just mentioning those two other women, where you might have spent like a minute talking to them in the whole discussion about their diabetes. But that's a that is a piece that's missing in, in diabetes. Education, it's not really the right word for it, because what you're bringing in is a piece of real life. The fact that you could be this person, you could do this, you could do that. And our whole conversation for 45 minutes, was not about a BD. It was about what an awesome cello player you are in. Where you've been and what you've seen and what you've been able to do. Yes, you have diabetes, but you still live. And those are grabbing points for a lot of people, I think, and a big reason. Many people would continue and do continue to listen. I mean, that's a grabbing point for me, in terms of listening. I mean, I don't really go to the episodes that are about education. Other ones are, they're awesome. And I listened to, because they're their people. And one of my favorite things that I ever did in my life with diabetes, is I attended a diabetes training camp for adults with type one who wanted to be better athletes. And while the whole week was all about diabetes management, the in between with all of the other people I was at camp with was life. And that's kind of what your podcasts spring, it's, it's life. And it's also Oh, I want to learn a little bit more of this. Let me click on this one, versus I just want to learn about the cello player.

Scott Benner 56:06
I think it's incredibly important. And I didn't realize so I'm a boy. So when something happens when something happens in front of me, I just think like, we'll blow it up kill it. Or don't worry, it's not a problem. Like you don't mean like I I genuinely, I genuinely don't think women understand how men think any more than men understand how women think, right? But there's nothing you could say to me that I don't think I could do. Like, I'm sitting here right now. I'm almost 50 years old, I'm completely out of shape. And if you brought a 25 year old guy in here and said, Can you kick his ass? I'd be like, god damn right. I can. And by the way, I can't. Okay, like, but but but it makes, I don't ever have that thought. And so when Arden got diabetes, I was just like, well, I'll just do it. Like, I'll figure it out. And I'll do it. So to hear that somebody might not think that they could be an athlete, because they have type one that doesn't like, that doesn't resonate with me at all, I would never think of that. Even when people are saying, like, I'll get notes. Sometimes they're like, you know, how do I keep my kids? Excuse me blood sugar from falling during, like an activity? And I was like, well, you get your settings. So right, that there's no active insulin while you're running around, and it won't fall. But that's not really an answer to that question, is it? You know, so? And the answer to that question is so much bigger, and why it works in audio, and doesn't work as well in writing. And also doesn't work as well in audio, if you're not good at talking about it. Right? Right. It's just, there's, there's a lot there that has to coalesce to make it. I can tell you don't have active insulin while you're being active. And that but people don't, it's just diabetes moves too quickly. Right, just one meal rolls into the next meal rolls into the next day. It's like, it's almost like, they don't recognize that three times a day, they're doing something that's going to screw up six hours from now. Right? That's the biggest caught get caught in this wheel of of doing something, getting fooled into thinking it's okay for a couple of hours, and then having it go wrong. And the insulin that they worked with happened so far in the past, they don't recognize that's what's going on. So they never see the real problem. They're always just they're swinging at ghosts all the time. Right.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 58:20
I think that's a lot of the reason, though, that our conversations together that are about specific, like diabetes, like topics, right? are more, they're conversational in nature. And that helps people to think further than, like you said, a written kind of paragraph about something is just that there's nobody to converse about with it. It is you read it. And you kind of try to apply it. It's sort of like going to a doctor who takes the clinical cotton dry. Well, you should adjust it this way. Because this is what's happening. Yeah. But there's no like back and forth, which is kind of what we have, which is fun.

Scott Benner 59:03
Well, I recorded with Kenny the other day to add another loop episode. And I

Jennifer Smith, CDE 59:07
haven't listened to it yet. He gives I came into my email, and I was all excited.

Scott Benner 59:11
It gives this great explanation about putting in a Bolus, but changing the time to the future. And then when it adds, but then when the loop says okay, we're gonna put in three units now saying no. And so that right, and so it gives us great explanation. But in my mind, I'm like, I don't know if that's clear to people listening. And so I said, So you're telling me that basically, what I'm doing is giving Luke some pocket money, some walking around money that he can spend wherever it wants? And he goes, yes, and then Okay, great. And we kept moving. Five, five notes I've received so far in the last two days. That changed my whole understanding of something. And I didn't know I was gonna say that. I just, it's just how it occurred to me in the moment, you know, so if the weird way that my brain works Somehow was helping people. That's cool. But I can't even take that much credit for it like it just like, basically what happened was I understood what he said, but I could not re articulate it in a technical way. If you asked me to say what he just said, in my own words, I would have been lost this, you know,

Jennifer Smith, CDE 1:00:18
that it like a guy walking down the street who has no knowledge about you're like, this is like this instead. Yeah, it's not just the medical term. So

Scott Benner 1:00:27
what you're saying is this, and that's my whole approach to diabetes. I'm, at this point, I'm sure you feel the same way. But anyone could walk into this room right now. And I could, I could set them right in a couple of hours. It wouldn't be that hard. But

Jennifer Smith, CDE 1:00:45
and give them tools to move forward with as well,

Scott Benner 1:00:48
that would take another day. Yeah,

Jennifer Smith, CDE 1:00:50
a bit. But the right now you could say, this is definitely a big part of the problem. Let's do this. And then we'll work on the rest as we see that this

Scott Benner 1:01:00
work. And so we're gonna keep doing that, we're gonna, you're gonna keep coming back. Jenny's gonna record all through 2021 and 2022, we're going to talk about all kinds of stuff, I would imagine there's going to be more conversations about algorithm pumping, because that is kind of the future. And I want to get people into that way, it'll

Jennifer Smith, CDE 1:01:19
be interesting to have a conversation when some knee pads, yeah, system comes,

Scott Benner 1:01:26
it will be. And so that'll be good. And then we're gonna get people in to talk about, we're going to talk about control IQ, we're going to talk about on the pod five, I'll talk about that Medtronic one when it comes out if we need to. And I'm just kidding, I would be happy to do that. But the podcast is gonna keep moving forward, I have no plans on slowing down. And I want to thank everybody listening 2020 downloads, and I know some people are like, I stream it does that count however you listen counts. But from 2017 to 2020. We have doubled our monthly downloads every year. So 2018 was doubled, over 1719 was doubled, over 1820 was doubled over 19. And if 2021 doubles over this, it's gonna be easier for me to get other guests because it's gonna stick us into a stratosphere where people are actually gonna be like, Yes, I'll come on, because they know that we'll do something for them. So we're kind of making the podcast into a commodity, which then will allow us to, to do a little better. Right now, I still have to fight to get some people on the show a little bit, you know. So it's interesting how the how much the downloads mean, behind the scenes.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 1:02:37
So maybe you'll have to ask only once versus three times.

Scott Benner 1:02:40
Yeah, we'll have to, I'm gonna have to work so hard to get them. So Jenny, I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. And I want to cut this off now because I want to tell you something privately that these people can't hear. Sorry, guys. That's it for 2020 131 episodes, one pandemic, and a lot of a one sees going down and getting stable. Thanks so much for listening to the Juicebox Podcast. I'll be back in just a few days with the beginning of season seven. I have a great story about someone who is diagnosed with Type One Diabetes as an adult, just as they were finding out they were pregnant. One of my favorite stories in the last couple of years. And I finally got to record with the person that it happened to. I'd like to wish everyone a happy and healthy New Year. I'd like to give you a lot of credit for making it through that last year. And I think we can all agree that if 2021 can just be a little less than a disaster. That would be amazing.

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#423 Defining Diabetes: Insulin Deficit

Scott and Jenny Smith define diabetes terms

In this Defining Diabetes episode, Scott and Jenny explain Insulin Deficit.

You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon Alexa - Google Play/Android - iHeart Radio -  Radio Public or their favorite podcast app.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:06
Hello, everyone, and welcome to Episode 423 of the Juicebox Podcast. On today's episode of defining diabetes, Jenny Smith and I are going to define insulin deficit. Today's episode is part of the defining diabetes series, which lives here inside of the Juicebox Podcast. It's where Jenny Smith and I take terms from your life with type one diabetes, and explain them in ways that we hope make them useful, and understandable. Myself friend, Jenny Smith has had Type One Diabetes since she was a child, I think for over 31 years now. Jenny holds a bachelor's degree in human nutrition and biology from the University of Wisconsin. She is a registered and licensed dietitian and certified diabetes educator and a certified trainer on most makes and models of insulin pumps, and continuous glucose monitoring systems. And she used to be one of Santa's elves. Please remember, as you listen that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan are becoming bold with insulin. Now the music will build to a crescendo and we will begin.

This is going to be probably a pretty simple one. And it might not take a lot of talking. But I do want to I do want to give it its own space. Define insulin deficit? How do you think of it? If I say those words,

Jennifer Smith, CDE 1:42
I think it could be defined in a couple of different settings. And insulin deficit is easy to decide to eat whatever you're going to eat, you just don't take insulin for it. So there's a deficit of insulin nearly right. There could also be an insulin deficit. And this one, I think, is harder to determine how much insulin you need to correct and right, the situation of insulin loss is when you have someone using a pump, and the pump site has failed. But you don't quite know that that's what's happened. You're like doing all these extra things, your bolusing extra you're trying to like fix the high blood sugar. And finally, you realize, Oh, my pump site is all wet, or I smell insulin or Oh, look at that my pump site was like kinked instead of you know, when I took it out, that's a harder deficit to repair. Because you're not quite sure. How long is the deficit been going on? How much of the Bolus two hours ago actually went in? Did any of it go in the my blood sugar is here. So that one's I think, a little harder to take care of. But a deficit I mean, it's you're just you're missing insulin Bri has to do with like figuring out where you didn't get insulin.

Unknown Speaker 2:57
That's the reason we're

Scott Benner 2:58
in the situation scenario when your pump site goes bad. I sort of just looked back on as the Dexcom. So it's easier, but I sort of look back at where I start seeing that drift up and up. And if I think to myself, well, that was two hours ago, and she's 225 right now. I just act like none of that insulin that I thought I gave her exists. And I go pretty hard at it and and just try to start over again. I am such a big fan of like, crush it. Stop it start over again. Because I think it's time saving. Yeah, you know, and I and I don't like the idea of I don't know, I know, this is probably completely backwards from what most people get told. But if you have a 300 blood sugar, and it takes you six hours to bring it down. I don't know. That just seems

Jennifer Smith, CDE 3:45
that's a long time of feeling like crud. Yeah,

Scott Benner 3:47
yeah, that doesn't seem right to me. And I don't make a habit of dropping Arden's blood sugar like a stone. I'm not I'm not saying that. And I don't think that's good, either. I'm just saying that if I see that drift up, and it's been an hour, well, then I think all right, an hour ago, she stopped having enough insulin. But the truth is, though, is that I have the comfort in my head to know that her insulin is being used correctly, or it's been set up correctly, so that at any sort of a drift up. I don't think of as an anomaly, I think of it as something went wrong in the process. But that's because I have the confidence to know that the process is going to go the way it's going to go. It's tougher for people who are who are still getting things right or chasing things around. That's a horror that I have trouble putting into words like what does it feel like when something's happening inside of your body and you don't know what it is? Correct. And how do you make the next step? And I do see how people get to while Just wait.

Unknown Speaker 4:50
Right? You know,

Unknown Speaker 4:50
right. So,

Jennifer Smith, CDE 4:52
I mean, that's a really valid point to bring up is, if you're going to be as you coined the wonderful term, if you're going to be with insulin, know how your body responds to it, you can start to learn that, because you have things for art. And so well set that you can say, she wouldn't be drifting like this, I know that there's something not right here, I can add this much more insulin, I can attack it, I can avoid being 300. And if you do it with the pump and the pump site, she just keeps going up. Well, you're going to change that out, you're going to stop it again before and you might like me, I usually just do an injection. I'm not going to wait around for a pump site to start absorbing. Well, I give an injection and I take care of it. Yes. Who, like you said who wants to sit at 300 for six hours,

Scott Benner 5:37
right? You have some sort of a deficit fix. The issue is you can come in inject a correction I always like do like a Temp Basal increase to to kind of get the site moving. And then you're on your way again, I don't think we've experienced a site change high blood sugar in a very long time, because I don't even bat an eye. Now last night we changed Arden's pod and her blood sugar was like 85. And I Bolus the half a unit just because we changed the sight. And and didn't think anything of it. But but but to dig in farther for insulin deficit, like you can have a deficit at a meal, right? Like you could need four units us three, three units, that'd be a deficit of your meal Bolus. I see people whose basil rates are sometimes really steady. Like their their lines are steady, but they're higher, like oh, look how steady I am. But I'm always 140 That to me is a basil deficit. You don't have enough basil, unless you meant for your blood sugar to be at 148. And then even with corrections, you know, like we talked about earlier with, you know, with your with your ISF for your correction factor, you if you You're too late there, but when you're missing in all of those places, these deficits have different impacts, right, like so your basil depth, your basil deficit keeps your raised higher. If your meal deficit, if you have a meal deficit, then you're going to shoot up after you eat. And if you have a correction deficit, you're going to stay up longer, once you're up there and, and all of those things are really just to say that you have to use the right amount of insulin at the right time. And if your blood sugar is high, you probably don't have enough insulin. But a lot of people have deficits. I don't know if this is the right place to talk about this or not. But in the last month or so, since I talked to you last. I've helped to people with control IQ. And I did it blindly. Meaning that I have never seen the settings on control IQ. I don't know what the menu looks like, I have no idea. But I followed their Dexcom. And I said I'm going to talk to you, in my words. And we'll translate them to what you see there. And I was able to get two people's graphs level lower. Yeah. So it was all I almost just did it for fun, which I think says something weird about me. I was like, I wonder if I could do this. And I started with the one I said to the wrong one. I'm like, I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm like, I'm happy to like be a sounding board for you. But just remember that everything I say is going to be a gas, I have no idea. But in the end, it didn't matter. It was all the same. You know what I mean? Like it just you need more insulin here lessons on here. You don't Pre-Bolus you have to Pre-Bolus it was all the same stuff. Right?

Jennifer Smith, CDE 8:25
I think something too. And you bring in like good point about like, Where did the deficit kind of start and you know, with your initial if you're sitting nice and stable, but at a blood sugar 140 or even 150 or whatever, and you're flat and stable at it. What I always recommend to people is, was it flattened stable at a lower number and then you ate and then you got to the 140 or 150. And it never came down after that. Yeah, because that's the not necessarily relative to the basil. That's the Bolus problem. Right? Right. So sometimes it takes like, you have to take a couple steps back to look at where does it look like the deficit kind of got going? Because somebody might think in the scenario of Oh, it's 140, but it's flattened. I'd rather it be at you know, 102 and flat. I'm going to dump more insulin in here. Well, what if you start at 102 then and that basil hike that you popped in? isn't quite right, it's too much but you didn't realize you needed the insulin before that. So

Scott Benner 9:25
yeah, I will probably this will just end up being a different kind of an episode than I thought but I'm so where I go when I see somebody grant for the first I listen, you show me a 24 hour graph. I can fix your blood sugar in about four hours. Like that's how it is right so but the first thing I look at, if I see a graph that's kind of up and down my first question is always are you feeding insulin or stopping highs? Right? If you're feeding insulin I it makes me leap to your base was too strong. If you're always stopping highs, and everything's else faded away from where I where I want it to be. And I'm thinking about 85. When I'm looking at it, then I think, okay, where we'll start is, we're going to pick one basil rate, yep, I'm going to bring everything down, try to get it flat. And then we'll identify spots on the graph where maybe you need less or more overnight or etc, that kind of a thing for basil. And then once I've got that, then we figure out the Pre-Bolus time, you know, and yeah, and I'm, like, Look, you have to Pre-Bolus it's just not going to work. Otherwise, after you've got the Pre-Bolus time, then we work on understanding like the glycemic loads of different foods, and then you're kind of done. Like, I don't I listen, we're stretching this podcast out.

Unknown Speaker 10:43
It doesn't need to be rocket science,

Scott Benner 10:45
get your basil right. Pre-Bolus your meals, understand the impacts of foods, go live your life with diabetes. Right? Right. Like it kind of is like that. But it's fascinating to have that conversation. And you know, just as well having a conversation with a person and watching them have all their different aha moments. And, and they see all the things that they thought they were seeing that weren't right. And you're right, they can they never seem to be able to step back far enough away to see the whole, the whole picture, you know, right. It's really interesting. Okay, do you do it? Similarly, you do it, you do it like

Jennifer Smith, CDE 11:18
I do? Well, we do, actually. I mean, you're you do it kind of, really in the same scenario that we essentially we look for, we look for the lows, we always want to get rid of lows to begin with. Because if you're constantly feeding extra insulin, you're creating a lot more of the roller up and down, because you're constantly adding, and then you might be correcting, and then it's dumping you off, and then you're feeding that incorrect. It's just this never ending cycle. So we avoid the lowest first, even if it means adjusting things to a little bit higher to begin with, to get rid of the lows, and then we can bring that down. Once it's more stable, you can easily bring that down once you're not adding in all this extra food that you didn't really need.

Scott Benner 12:02
Do you find that it's harder to talk people into believing that their Basal is too low? If they're experiencing lows? Yes, like, like when you say to somebody, Hey, your Basal needs to be higher, they're like, No, I'm low all the time. Like if you're low all the time, because your base was too low, or over bolusing for food and you're crashing for the foods out of your system, and then they're gone, then their minds are like, Oh, you know, like, No, no, we're gonna make the basil higher, so that stable times are lower so that meals aren't as impactful on your system, you'll see and it that's a hard thing to talk people into believing it is it that's that's always interesting.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 12:40
It kind of it kind of goes right along with like, it's not really insulin deficit, but it you know, in a way, it's sort of robbing Peter to pay Paul, insulin in one place for insulin and another one place is wrong. And the other one, you're compensating and feeding with more insulin because the other place doesn't have enough of it. So if you get it smoothed out, yeah, then you got this nice, like, you know, but because

Scott Benner 13:06
we need to librium when you do that, when you have it unbalanced like that. To me, the biggest problem it causes is extra Bolus that's still available after food is digested constantly Yeah. And then you're crashing, and then you're feeding the you feed that insulin, and then you fly back up again, then you're correct and crash and then and it's just, it's fascinating to watch people. It makes me better at it to watch to watch it go wrong for people. Because the more that I can look at it, and just say like, Oh, just do this, this and this. It's it's great practice for me every time like, like my wife has said to me one time, she's like, the podcast reaches so many people at this point. She's like, Why are you like, you're giving a lot of time talking to like, one person at a time. Like, no, I'm learning. Like, they're getting help. That's what they get. I'm like, but I'm getting better at it. Like, right, like, by doing you learn? Yeah. So it's Yeah, it is really interesting.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 14:02
Yeah, I think it's, um, it's the way that and that's why I always bring up people's graphs when I'm talking them through adjustment, and why do I see the things the way that I am seeing them, because going forward, I want you to have that tool. I mean, as much as I love all the people that I work with, I want you to be able to have these tools in your own toolbox and go on your merry way. And

Scott Benner 14:24
Jenny can't sit in the matrix and just with a thing plugged into her telling you all how to take care of your ledger for the rest of your life. So it's funny. What I do notice, too, that some people are just in general. So like, I don't, I can never tell if it's they're scared or they're so sure that the things that they figured out are right. But I end up saying to people a lot of times privately, listen, I appreciate what you're thinking here is like but you're just wrong. And you got to let it go. You know, because you just you're fighting and you're wrong. Like I just try this once and see what happens. Yeah. I think

Jennifer Smith, CDE 15:00
it's many of the people that I see that more so in are those that have some pretty significant like hypo anxiety, they're very, very, very worried about having a low and many for good reason they've had a very significant problematic event happen, or, you know, EMTs coming to their house or,

Scott Benner 15:26
you know, be that's a good reason to be scared treated

Jennifer Smith, CDE 15:27
with it, right. I mean, there are a lot of reasons to be scared. But I think I see that a lot more with that group of people with diabetes. Well, I'm talking

Scott Benner 15:39
about that. And I mean this with love, but the Type A lunatics that are just trying to control like everything. And I'm like, Yeah, like you're trying to control six things you don't understand, which is, you know, who's particularly. And I mean, this again, would love particularly bad at this, nurses. I'm not a nurse, nurses and nurses who have kids with diabetes, are particularly thrown by diabetes. It's really interesting. Like, like, I listened had it happen once, twice, three times, I'd say, okay, maybe I'll make it up. I'm on my 30 100th nurse who all react exactly the same way. Like, I think that they're so accustomed to this, the order that they follow at the hospital, not really realizing that that hospital orders just really in place as somebody doesn't drop dead or get too low. It's not really about managing diabetes day to day. But yeah, they're they're the hardest to break free. But once they break free, boom, then they've got it like because then they can use that order that they that they're accustomed to in the right way. It's interesting. It really is interesting how different people react differently. If you'd like to learn more about what Jenny does it integrated diabetes, go to integrated diabetes.com.

The podcast has a private Facebook group that you can find, you know, on Facebook, it's called Juicebox Podcast, and then there's a colon and then it's type one diabetes. There's also a public page called bold with insulin. I'm on Instagram to just hit 10,000 followers there. It was kind of cool because I'm not very good at Instagram.

What a salesman I am. Hey, would you like to see an Instagram page? That's probably not good. Go to Instagram. Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the Dexcom g six continuous glucose monitor and you can learn more@dexcom.com forward slash juicebox. We're also sponsored by the Contour Next One blood glucose meter. Check it out at Contour Next one.com forward slash juicebox. Want to get a free no obligation demo of the Omni pod tubeless insulin pumps sent right to your home. You can do that at my Omni pod.com forward slash juice box. Learn more about g vo Kibo pen at G Vogue glucagon.com forward slash juice box support my favorite type one diabetes organization at touched by type one.org and follow them on Instagram, and Facebook. And if you'd like to support type one diabetes research that makes a real difference. Check out T one d exchange.org. forward slash juice box. Let me do a little bit of talking for the podcast itself here at the end. As the year winds to a close there's one more episode left. But if you want those diabetes pro tip episodes, go to diabetes pro tip comm or head back to Episode 210. Your podcast player that's where it starts. Diabetes pro tip newly diagnosed we're starting over Don't miss the after dark series. Any of the episodes that are titled after dark and then something else. They're incredibly interesting and topics that people don't talk about very often. More recently, we have type ones who've experienced heroin addiction, believe me it depression, bipolar disorder, divorce. They talk about having sex with diabetes, smoking weed drinking, look for those episodes in your podcast player there after dark. And then you know other words. If you're interested in algorithm pumping, I have a whole series on it. Episode 227 is where it starts with diabetes concierge from there 250 to 304. And then the great three parter Fox in the loop house episodes 312 313 and 420 with Kenny Fox. We even have an episode about the mini med 670 G. Jenny and I talked about that Episode 326 and the blog looks pretty great too. You should check it out at Juicebox Podcast comm or anything else? Oh, no, I don't want to tell you about that yet. How about this juicebox Doc's dot com Have a great endocrinologist or diabetes practitioner or need one juicebox docs.com. Alright, that's it. One more episode left in 2020. It's kind of a relaxed conversation between Jenny and I, I started the year with Jenny. I wanted to end it with her

without them, without the talking overtop of the add music, you can see how incredibly repetitive it is. Isn't that weird?

But if you just talk over top of it, it's kind of handy. Learn more at my omnipod.com forward slash juicebox. See, then it really comes in, then it really does the job. promise that now you want to just chill with me. We'll do the end here. Change this here a little bit. I can tell something's gonna happen. I'll be back soon with another episode. Thanks so much for listening, for sharing the show for leaving great reviews. Wherever you listen. And if you're listening online, find yourself a nice podcast app and subscribe to Juicebox Podcast is available everywhere you get your audio

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#422 After Dark: Amy

ADULT TOPIC WARNING

Amy has a crazy story and type 1 diabetes.

You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon Alexa - Google Play/Android - iHeart Radio -  Radio Public or their favorite podcast app.

+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

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**DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends and welcome to Episode 422 of the Juicebox Podcast. This episode is a little different in that I did something I don't normally do. I reached out to a virtual stranger and asked them to be on the show just based on something I saw in their social media posts. And I have to say that this episode did not in any way, go the way I thought it would. And that led to this being the happiest surprise of 2021 for me.

Unknown Speaker 0:36
Wait, do you meet Amy.

Scott Benner 0:47
I thought I was having Amy on the show to talk about her weight loss. And then I realized I didn't know the first thing about Amy. But by the time this was over, I knew about 40 things about Amy. And most of them led this to being another episode in the after dark series. Amy's story is so eclectic, that I didn't even know what to call this episode, which is why it ended up being called after dark. Amy please remember while you're listening that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, please always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan or becoming bold with insulin. There are going to be a lot of sensitive topics in this episode. So if you find yourself easily triggered by things like suicidal ideology, miscarriages, anxiety, I don't actually have a full list but Amy's got a couple of things going on. But I'll tell you one thing about me that I'm 100% sure won't trigger you. She's 100 million 1000 100,000 million percent, like really delightful. And she did this episode outside. So the Snow White fans here are going to be thrilled because there's a lot of birds in the background. And it's not something I normally would have went with but Amy caught me by surprise. And I just kind of fell in love with talking to her and I stopped caring about the birds. I hope you find them delightful, at least as delightful as I found Amy g vo Kibo pen has no visible needle, and it's the first premixed auto injector of glucagon for very low blood sugar and adults and kids with diabetes ages two and above. Not only is Jeeva hypo pen simple to administer, but it's simple to learn more about. All you have to do is go to G Vogue glucagon.com forward slash juicebox g vo shouldn't be used in patients with insulinoma or pheochromocytoma. Visit je Vogue glucagon.com slash risk. Many of you may have been watching my blood sugar's live online last week at Juicebox podcast.com forward slash CGM Live, it's not live anymore. Actually somebody else's blood sugars up there now person with insulin resistance. Later there'll be other people sharing their blood sugars and bolusing methods and we're gonna start getting into some type ones in the new year. Anyway, I bring this up because I tested my blood sugar a lot over the last 10 days checking it against the Dexcom g six that I was wearing. And it was terrific. But I gained an even deeper love for the Contour Next One blood glucose meter during that time. Because thus far I've been telling you about my experiences using the meter for my daughter as a caregiver, talking about the bright light, easy to read, easy to hold easy to transport the great Second Chance test strips. Well, now I got to use it for myself. And I have to say it performed exactly the way I was hoping it would stuck in my pocket. It was easy to find in the dark. The light shone bright in the pale moonlight, and I was able to test my blood sugar with no trouble at all points if you sang deep in the heart of Texas after that. This meter is an industry leader in accuracy. And I hope that you check it out to Contour. Next one.com forward slash juicebox. There's links in the show notes where you can just type in the URL. I really hope you give it a try. Too often, people get stuck with the meter that their doctor gives them. And that meter could just be you know, the one the salesman left in the drawer or one that the doctors just gotten accustomed to prescribing to people. Maybe your doctor hasn't looked into meter accuracy in a long time either. But there's no reason that you can Contour Next one.com for slash juicebox check them out, check out all the sponsors the end of the year, get festive, go in the shownotes and click around a little bit support the show. Alright guys, I put the ads up front so that you can just sit back and relax and soak in Amy.

I'm recording now, just so you know, let me just check that I have your voice correctly. Say anything. Hi, good. Okay, we are recording, I'm gonna ask you to introduce yourself any way you want to be known. And then we're gonna start talking, but just so you know, I can hear the birds behind you. So you're just gonna really be Snow White. Just say. Sounds like you have this little blue bird flying behind. It's very nice, actually, finally relaxing.

Amy 5:56
So I'm Amy. Um, I'm just here today. So I'm a type one diabetic. So yeah.

Scott Benner 6:04
Amy, you got on the show. Unlike the way most people do. I don't usually reach out to people. But I want to, I want to tell people what happened. So I sent you a message. You follow me on Instagram? And I said, Yeah, so I just kind of assumed you listen to the podcast. And so I sent a message to him like, Hey, I don't know if you listen to podcasts. But I'd like to have you on. And you responded back with like, No, you were so like, it was funny. Do you listen to the podcast? You said no. And I was like, Oh, this is the feeder. Okay, nevermind, I'm gonna go to martial law here and see if I can see if I can get through. But the reason I reached out to you, and what I want to learn about today, among other things, is that, you know, it's weird when 1000s and 1000s of people, like, follow you on Instagram, and then you follow them back. And I used to do that and really enjoyed it. But then Instagram kept me and I can't, I can't seem to follow more people which I I hate because I like seeing what everyone's doing. But I don't know everybody when it's that many people, but you would go by in my feed and confuse me because you're in your photos. I hope you take this Well, I hope you're with me take this away intended. It appeared to me like there were two separate people in your photographs.

Unknown Speaker 7:23
I get that a lot.

Scott Benner 7:27
And it was confusing as you're kind of whipping by and trying to keep up with all these people and, and I just was like, This is strange. So one day, and I hope you take this the right way. You have a really pretty face. So I stopped longer. I was like hold on what's happening here? And I started picking through. You've lost an insane amount of weight, haven't you? Yes, I have.

Amy 7:51
I've lost like over 156 pounds.

Scott Benner 7:54
Jesus, that's a person. Okay, this is what I want to know about. Alright, let's start slow. How old were you when you were diagnosed?

Amy 8:02
I was actually 23.

Scott Benner 8:04
Okay, so And how old are you? Now? You can't be that much older than that.

Unknown Speaker 8:07
No? Okay.

Scott Benner 8:09
So five years ago diagnosed with Type One Diabetes. Can we do you mind giving context? Like, when you were 23 How much did you weigh?

Amy 8:19
30 565 pounds around there. That was like the last time I weighed myself. Okay. I just graduated college. So I was at my biggest

Scott Benner 8:28
where you did college add to it? Great. Kind of continued.

Amy 8:34
No, I just actually kind of always been a big girl around that point. And then, um, pretty much it kind of continued a little bit, but I think like, around that time. Yeah, I just was that much and I was trying to lose weight and I was down on myself.

Scott Benner 8:51
How tall are you? 511 11 Okay. All right. Big people in your family. Or no?

Amy 9:00
No, it's actually kind of weird because my dad he used to be a big guy before he married my mom and then he actually lost a week after he was like 30 and then my mom's kind of like, just over wait a little bit. But my sister on she's a she's a bigger girl. But um, she can be like a plus size model like so it was like kind of that so while everybody else my family is pretty much kind of like it and everything like my cousins and my uncles and aunts and stuff like that.

Scott Benner 9:34
So So now that you've now that you've lost weight, can you tell me like what led to it? Is it was it just the eating habits or nutrition?

Amy 9:44
So a little bit was eating habits will probably go back to like when we kind of first got diagnosed because I was at my biggest actually was misdiagnosed as a type two diabetic. And then I had all these doctors telling me Hey, you need to lose 14% your body weight You won't need insolent you'll be good. I was 14%, like to the point where I was crying because I didn't want to be a diabetic. I thought it was my fault I was I was so big. And I got to the point where I did lose that 14%, I got down to 300 pounds, and I suppose my insulin actually increased. So from there, the doctors are still yelling at me. And I was still a type two diabetic, I'm actually ended up getting an eating disorder. I'm trying to lose weight, which I didn't even know anything of. But I figured out, hey, if I just keep not taking my insulin, and my medications that I'm not supposed to, because I also was on that form, and I was losing weight, like crazy. Um, and then I actually got down to about 290. And actually, when DK and actually went out to a facility for my eating disorder treatment, because I was to the point where I was killing myself every day.

Scott Benner 11:02
Did you find that the need to lose weight over? Like it? It didn't, it made everything else not important. Were you just like solely focused on that. And if not taking this medication was doing it, then that's what you are going to do?

Amy 11:16
Yeah, pretty, pretty much like, to me it was a doctor's yelling inside my head, like, you need to lose weight. So you won't be on insulin, you need to lose weight. So you get off this. So like, I was like trying to be so persistent. I'm not being a diabetic. So I was like, okay, we're gonna get this weight loss off. And if I can do it this way, then I do this way. But when I reached out, yeah, so when I reached out to Minnesota, and then I went to their eating disorder, eating disorder treatment center. And they actually retested me and and I, I turned out to be a type one diabetic.

Scott Benner 11:48
Yes. So am I right to say that in the back of your mind, you thought, it doesn't matter if I don't take this medication? If it's gonna lead to the weight loss? I'm not gonna have diabetes when it's over anyway.

Amy 11:59
Yeah, so that was that was when I was like that. I was like, yeah, cuz, you know, just eat and then take your medication, you'll be fine. Like, Oh, all right, well, let's do this. But then I after I found out it was like a type one, everything just made more sense to me. And then my eating habits has changed, my physical fitness has changed and stuff like that. So after that, I started gradually losing weight. But then at the same time, I did relapse towards my eating disorder, which was not good. But I did lose a couple more. I think I lost about 30 pounds then. And then but I was sick. I actually was in the hospital 13 times that year. So I just felt horrible. And then, so I got back on track. I found a job that I love. And I don't want to mess it up. So lately, I just been keeping track of what I've been eating and exercising and my job is very demanding. So it actually really helps out.

Scott Benner 13:04
So the jobs almost like exercise for you where it is,

Unknown Speaker 13:07
all day. Yeah. Excellent.

Scott Benner 13:09
I need a job like that sit in this chair is not good for me. I can tell you that much. I feel that some days. Like today, I'm recording twice. And there is this part of me that's like thinking like you got to get up and get moving when this is over. Like you can't just because I want to edit a show now. And if I do that, I'll roll from two recordings to editing and I'll be in here for six hours before I know it. Yeah. And then the guy's gone. And it's not good for you. So I have a lot of questions. I don't know how to like, I don't know how to order them yet. So I'm gonna feel my way through this. I'm sorry.

Unknown Speaker 13:41
You are good. Okay,

Scott Benner 13:42
great. So your Are you around 200 pounds now?

Amy 13:45
I am actually 220 right now to 20.

Scott Benner 13:48
You you I guess your height helps because your photos I give you made me guess your weight. There's no way I would have I would have gone there. Like with that. Not that there's anything I'm not saying there's anything wrong with I'm just saying you don't visually. And I wonder if that's a problem? Because I've had that before where people tell you like you carry your weight well, so you just think well, if I don't look heavier than I don't care, like I've had that feeling before too. But I guess I want to know first so that so they just don't you just stop eating to lose those first like 65 pounds and get yourself to 300 there was no

Unknown Speaker 14:22
No, no,

Scott Benner 14:24
I ate more. But didn't take the medications. So you drove your blood sugar up to lose the weight?

Amy 14:29
Yes, yes, I ate more than anything and then everybody asked me how to use your weight and I didn't say I just ate more. They don't usually understand but

Scott Benner 14:41
that's not an Instagram. How did you lose five pounds I eat more food.

Amy 14:48
I do it now still but it's because I know what to eat when to eat and like I don't starve myself.

Scott Benner 14:54
So have the things that you're eating changed.

Amy 14:59
Oh, like well, you I definitely so I remember it. So my mom's a nurse. So I remember when I texted her I used to work in a restaurant. And I texted her when, when I was like almost being diagnosed, I think she remembered me drinking a pitcher of water. And she's like he was last time you checked your blood sugar. And I said, I don't know. It was during hunting season. I was, you know, when diabetics get high, they pee all the time. I couldn't hold it during hunting season. So I went to my mom's on lunch. And she's like, She's like, um, test your blood sugar. And I tested that she had this ghost face on her. So the one thing I've noticed is actually I drink a lot more diet, and I drink a lot lot more water than anything. Even if it's like, like flavored water. Yeah. So I don't I don't drink saucers. I don't know.

Scott Benner 15:47
I have to be honest with you. I drink water and like, unsweetened tea a lot. That's pretty much Germany like some like crazy kidney stone one day, it's just gonna come flying out and kill me. I don't I don't drink a whole lot else. And so Wait, you're a hunter. I seen you on your Instagram with a boat. Do you just bow hunt?

Amy 16:04
Oh, no, I bow and rifle hunt.

Scott Benner 16:06
Okay, are you within? You know, don't tell me the town you live in. But where in the country? Do you live?

Amy 16:11
I live on the border of New York and Pennsylvania.

Scott Benner 16:14
Oh, gotcha. So that's sort of the I say so you're more like North? Well, not really like,

Amy 16:23
No, I'm like Central New York. Okay, central middle of the middle. borderline interesting.

Scott Benner 16:29
Okay. Okay. So hunting is a big deal around, like, where you live? And then something, how did you get into it.

Amy 16:36
So I feel like most of my family actually hunted. And I was actually jealous because my cousin always hunted with my uncle. And then I just ended up finding a boyfriend that hunted and then I got because I've always wanted to do it. Because nobody in my family like my mom or my dad and do it. So I actually got it that way. bow hunting was actually kind of my own thing, because I thought it was more of a challenge. So I love that. But even then I had a weight problem because you know, tree stands have a weight limit. So

Scott Benner 17:08
you couldn't get into a tree stand like you weren't allowed.

Amy 17:11
Yeah, because like the weight limit was I think there are like three things. I know. Some of them are 150 and then some of them are not no 250. And then some of them are like three 300

Scott Benner 17:25
that would really add insult to injury if you were 365 pounds, do you have a tree stand? You just probably lay on the ground and go Okay, I'm just gonna die here. I guess I could give up. You know, but but it's, it's really First of all, you know, listen, we can't overlook it to a mass 365 pounds and 23 years is in and of itself some sort of an accomplishment to be perfectly honest. I guess not. I don't think that was easy to do. Were you just eating? constantly everything? Was it calories? Like how did how did that manifest for you?

Amy 17:57
I think it because when I was a kid, I actually was very active. I did. I played sports all the time, all four seasons. And then I think I actually, like when I went to treatment, I really, like suppressed so much. And I found out that one of them was that after my parents divorced, I stopped doing sports. And all I did was eat I go to my dad's on the weekend eat junk food. My mom just easiest meal for a single mom is like spaghetti. That's all I I hate red sauce to this day.

Scott Benner 18:31
You just think that the like the dissolving of your parents marriage just threw you into a depression or

Amy 18:38
I think a little bit depression because I did go to therapy. But I thought also because I actually because when you're at like 10 years old, you can't control your diet. So your parents are the ones who feed you. So I actually kind of reflect on that because I remember the first stretch mark I ever got. I was like awesome video, I was freaking out but I was like, Okay, um, because I was like, was that changing period for every human. So I, I remember I ate like, cans of frosting and stuff like that. And and, and, like, it was just what was like, a drink so much soda, and stuff like that. And I think it just accumulated slowly and slowly, slowly and slowly. So it just, it really does reflect like today I eat more protein than anything actually do not like bread that much. I really don't only if it's like garlic bread and Alfredo because that is my carb carb choice. It's amazing. We got some good pretty good Italian restaurants around here. So um, so yeah, so that I pretty much like looking back. That's how I looked at it because I still was active. I always was active I played I still play basketball. I played football cheerleading golf track in high school. So I did all that I write rode my bike around like from LA Thomson, I still couldn't lose weight, like it was just still there. But I think as much as I was pushing out for calories, that was pretty much taking a double.

Scott Benner 20:09
Right? You could be as active as you wanted to be, there would be no way to get rid of all the calories that you would take in in that sense. Yeah, I mean, honestly, weight loss is its calories, right? Like, it's not much more than that. It's calories activity hydration. I don't think there's a big secret to how how people gain and lose weight, you know, aside from people who have actual medical conditions where those factors end up not impacting them the way they should, but for most of us, it's just that do you do any, like intermittent fasting now? Or do you have any, like other ways that you try to maintain or go are you trying to get lasser Are you trying to lose weight,

Amy 20:50
actually, I'm still trying to lose weight. I actually did get down to 200 I was super comfortable then. I tell you one thing when you go from like 300 pounds down to a 200 level, buying clothes is so much more enjoyable. It's I have I have to make clothes now have like two closets full of it's so much more enjoyable because you can actually like fitness things and and actually enjoy it. So because I I did gain a little bit of weight. I am trying to lose it but I'm doing it the healthy way. During work my work schedule is crazy. So I work from like 1239 all day going in and our customers house climbing poles and stuff like that. So sometimes I don't even get a lunch sometimes. So pretty much usually I fast. I usually do for the first couple hours of the day. And then usually I come home and I eat when I come at night. Usually it's not by choice on weekends. I I really just go not full blown by usually eat regular like church and Sunday. I usually we go I get breakfast I go get lunch, I get dinner with a family and stuff like that. So it's

Scott Benner 22:01
like Sunday's your big day. And then it's Sundays.

Amy 22:03
Yeah, Sunday's my big day. Gotcha. I love my Sunday.

Scott Benner 22:09
Alfredo sauce and garlic knots and things. I don't see how we're gonna say no to that. How do you manage your type one now? Are you pumping? You have a glucose monitor? Do you have anything like that?

Amy 22:19
Yes, I am actually the G sex and I'm on the T slim. Um, so that is how I'm keeping track of everything. I yeah, I was on some other things. I was on the Omnipod. But it kept I kept with my work my job I kept pulling my pump off, which was annoying because it started screaming and stuff.

Scott Benner 22:39
So yeah, you couldn't find a place for it that that worked for you that wasn't in the way while you were working.

Amy 22:44
Yeah, because sometimes I'd crawl up in attics, and then they crawl under houses and in crawl spaces and stuff like that. So I'm like every single angle possible. And then even when it was like around my belly and around, like anywhere, especially on my belly, I had like my tool belt and my climbing belt. So sometimes they would yank and pull off. So So I ended up going to Tucson because I can, I don't know, I feel a little bit more freedom. I know a lot of people say they feel freedom with the Omnipod, which I kind of did when I was at my previous job. But at this job I feel more freedom with a pump.

Scott Benner 23:19
You're able to like hide it differently because the set and

Amy 23:23
yeah, it really depends how how long my tubing is. So like sometimes it's just in my pockets. And then I get customers that asked me like what it is. And then I had like a lady yesterday say, Oh, is that the G six? You're like, Oh, I thought you only put that in your stomach. And I said, Well, I said you're only supposed to but there's pages out there that like some people do other places and had good readings and they said this is one of my best readings because it's on my forum. And so I love it and they even have like a tattoo. Um, that is actually a molecule for influence. So that on your

Scott Benner 24:00
waist. This is gonna get creepy. I know too much about you

Unknown Speaker 24:05
know my left arm.

Scott Benner 24:06
Oh, yeah, the thing gets flipped in the we're all backwards on Instagram. I hope everyone everybody, everybody's been bid mirrored. I was watching. I don't know if you know the comedian, Deon Cole. But he's been during the the Coronavirus thing. He's been DJing on his Instagram Live and it pops up in front of me sometimes, but it always freaks me out because he's got something on the back. Behind him. It's a science. It's like the ankle calm or something like that. But it's backwards and it always catches my eye and I'm like, Oh, that's right. We're all flipped around backwards and but but yeah, I saw you so it's a it's a big tattoo the molecule like you have the whole molecule out like on the top of your forearm, right?

Amy 24:48
Yeah, well, it's not the whole night here. If you look up the whole night here, that's pretty long, but it's pretty much the basic one. Okay, yeah,

Scott Benner 24:54
that's very cool. I saw you mentioned. So there's a couple of things that I've been paying closer attention to you now because I knew I was going to talk to you than I normally would. So just don't feel too creeped out.

Unknown Speaker 25:04
But you already do. It's fine.

Scott Benner 25:08
It's your fault. You've lost all the weight. No, it's not me, I didn't do it. Sometimes you talk about anxiety. But moreover, I see you talking about being uncomfortable with the loose skin that you have now. And first of all, in my opinion, is meaningless to you, you're really a beautiful person. So I know you shouldn't. Like, it doesn't matter what other people think, etc. But, you know, I'm trying to find out what that's like, like, you've lost so much weight? How much skin? Do you have that you need to do something with? and What? What's the play? They're like, what do you do?

Amy 25:44
Okay, so actually talk to my doctor about the surgery I'm getting, it's protecting me or something like that, which is the bottom half, which is like, like past your pelvic bone, depth below your belly button. And he said, we're gonna have to wait on a little bit, because I do have a lot of anxiety and stuff. So he wants to get that all controlled first, before we do that. But other than that, he really doesn't want to do anything about it.

Scott Benner 26:11
Does he think it's gonna shrink up on its own?

Amy 26:17
I should not worry about it, and just try to deal with it. Okay, um, he said that I would have to go see a plastic surgeon myself. So, so I'm trying to look into that and see how much that's gonna cost because I kind of really want it done. It's not It's not because it's like a, it's a little bit it is an image issue. Um, because I, like I know people like I, I used to wear a bikini, I was like, body positivity around like 290. And I wore a bikini at a theme park. And I was like, you know, I don't care. It's like, the 2000s we can do anything we want these days. But I still get those looks those concerning looks like if I go to a hotel room or something like that has like a pool or a private setting. And people just look at me. And I think people and then I had some comments like, you shouldn't be worrying socially around, like, certain kind of people. And I'm like, Okay. Like, some people like they're all around, like your co workers or your stuff like that. And I'm like, oh, okay, like, I'm like one, like, I don't think they really care. I don't think I know, some people probably think or why she nap, stuff like that. And it kind of a little bit of it. I don't like it, it just hangs and it just it does bother me. But at the same time, there's a little bit of body positivity in me. But at the same time, it's like, I really just want this gone. And then plus, I think some, like a lot of it. I mean, my doctor told me that is probably like, about 15 pounds of loose skin 15 to 20 pounds on the skin. So then I'd be like, so we're just Yes.

Scott Benner 28:02
Is it shrinking at all or no.

Amy 28:05
On some places it has like, like, I think because I was big for so long. It's not going anywhere. It's not like I got big and then went back down. It's like because I like was big for very, for most apartment. Well, not in most part of my life. But like my teenage years and stuff like that when your body is pretty much in their growth rate. Yeah, so. So pretty much like my legs. My arms aren't too bad. It's actually around like my back and then like pretty much like a domino in my lower abdominal and like, my upper back is everything I want to get done.

Scott Benner 28:40
What's up? It's a astonishing I guess people are you cool if people check you out on Instagram, or do you want to mention your handle? Or? No, it's okay. If you don't?

Unknown Speaker 28:49
Yeah, definitely.

Scott Benner 28:51
So what is it? How do they find you? It's

Amy 28:54
so my Instagram. I know you're

Scott Benner 28:58
breaking up. Don't say, john, you broke up. Don't say that. There you go. You're back.

Amy 29:07
Alright, so my Instagram. I know what I'm looking at. Yeah, Rob. I look. Good. Dragon Warrior. rugged, warrior,

Scott Benner 29:16
rugged period warrior. And yeah, it's mean, what you did is I know it didn't start out the right way. But the I guess the focus on not wanting to do you think that was the case? Do you think if you would have found out you had Type One Diabetes immediately. Do you think you'd still be bigger?

Amy 29:35
No, I don't actually I really don't because like, I'm actually a couple months ago. I went to a doctor and they're like, we're gonna retest you. Because I had severe lows. I was in the hospital for a week because I couldn't stay above 40 I ate I literally two days I was eating everything I could to the point that I was like, Alright, I need I just need food, food, food food. And I got to the point where I was like, I can't Do this no more, we have to live in emergency room. And I remember I was getting the sugar shots, glucose fixed shot, so you know what they called? I got seven of those within four hours. So one my veins, her and then they're like we're gonna retest you because we don't think you're a Type, Type a type one. And then I guess they did the one test again. And then they did like an insulin in your body test and I guess it came back in, like I don't even know I think low or something like that. So, um, so then they were like, okay, so we don't know what's going on here. But we think they're a type two, and I literally cried. Because I was like, This is my fault. I am big because of like, all this weight in my head. I'm like, I lost all this weight and I'm still on insulin. This is just a weird week. I said, I'm still on insulin. I still have like today. I mean, I still have to count my carbs. I still have a G six. Like, my, my endocrinologist knows I was at a different hospital. So they tested me and then it was just weird. And I literally broke down in tears because I thought it was my fault again, because everybody,

Scott Benner 31:05
maybe you were just gambling. Maybe you just had maybe you using maybe your pancreas just kicked back in for a little bit. During that happens.

Amy 31:13
I have no idea. I have no idea what happened. It was last year and I have no idea what happened. Like I was like

Unknown Speaker 31:21
I was like,

Scott Benner 31:24
dammit, leave me alone. You mentioned anxiety a second ago? Is that been a lifelong thing? Or is that since your parents divorce?

Amy 31:33
Uh, no, actually, it's kind of been recent. Um, I had it actually kind of got worse since I've been diagnosed, um, to the point where I'm actually on medication for it. Um, yeah, so actually, since I got diagnosed, I have been taking, um, anxiety and doing like DBT skills and stuff like that I've learned in the past couple of years. So and I and I am a true believer that managing your blood sugar does affect your hormones in every single way. Like even if you're angry, sad or anything like that. I truly do believe because when my sugar was high all the time, I was having panic attacks left and right. And I was crying all the time. And I was like, angry and I was sick and everything like that. So does the

Scott Benner 32:25
anxiety stick with you? No matter what your blood sugar is?

Amy 32:29
Um, so if a tie I am freaking out every two seconds like it's not because I just my boyfriend can tell you that that's the case. I'm He's my emotions are all out of whack. But when I'm usually stable between where I should be I'm usually having my life is awesome. It's kind of like having rose colored glasses like if your sugars out of whack everything's just like seems all colors go. And then when it's like right in perfect range. Everything's just perfect. And you think your life is great.

Scott Benner 33:03
You're really interesting. I do know that like your your there's a very thick you keep saying things that make me feel like they would come from a different person, but they're all within you, which I think is great. Like I didn't meet the gloss over earlier. But you're climbing through basements and attics and up polls. Are you installing some sort of utility?

Amy 33:21
Yeah, so I'm Kate. Yeah, I'm a cable technician.

Scott Benner 33:25
Okay. All right. So that at least makes sense. I'm like, Why is she in people's basements? People. Hi, it's me. You may be from Instagram. I've lost a lot of weight and I'm in your basement now. Just I figured that was what was going on. Is it scary to climb a pole with without a CGM? Like is it like it's an interesting paradox that you're an anxious person but at the top of a telephone pole. Does that make you anxious?

Unknown Speaker 33:55
so much? Well, yeah.

Amy 34:00
I love heights. I know top a telephone pole. And usually like, even when I didn't have my CGM I was totally fine. Um, I cuz I didn't really give a crap at that time.

Scott Benner 34:14
Probably really high. Not. Wasn't low ever, I would imagine.

Amy 34:17
Yeah, it wasn't low. Yeah, it wasn't lonely time was when I had that week and I was out of work for a little bit because they didn't want me climbing poles or driving. But other than that, no, I love heights. I really do. I actually love skydiving, actually that as soon as I got to the weight, I went down and I jumped in. Everybody's on you scared? I said no, I've been waiting for this since I was 18. And I was the happiest person I did not hesitate one bit. I can't I'm so glad that this Corona thing starting to lift because they have opened up and I'm going to go again. And I actually I was mad because they actually canceled the halo jump which is like where you it's like 23,000 feet and you drunk with an oxygen tank up in

Unknown Speaker 35:01
Yeah,

Amy 35:06
they got cancelled because of the whole Corona thing. So, but I am so excited to go jump again. I love heights. Yeah, it's one of my favorite things.

Scott Benner 35:17
That's, that's astonishing. But I want to dig into it a little bit for a second. So your anxiety is more? Is it more personal? is it and how did you manage it before the medication?

Amy 35:31
So I didn't manage it. I was actually self mutilating. It wasn't because I wanted to die. It was more of a it stopped everything rushing in my head. You were cutting? I was cutting. Okay. All right.

Scott Benner 35:47
I have more context on that. I don't know if you heard I know you don't listen to the podcast, maybe that's fine. Don't worry about it. But there was a we had a self harm episode recently with a person who also cut like so now that you're talking like, it makes more sense to me than it would have the first time like eat your story. If I heard it the first time I would have been like, No, wait, what but now I I know how it goes. For some people. So I'm, I'm a little more, a little more educated, educated around it now. So. So anxiety starts in your teens, right?

Amy 36:20
I yeah, I didn't really have much like, I mean, life was okay. I would say okay, high school wasn't bad, I lived it. I lived in a small town, small school school. So everybody knows everybody, you're friends with the popular kids all the way down to the non popular kids. And that was kind of popular because I played football. And everybody kind of looked up to me. And so that was kind of cool. But other than that, just my living situation wasn't the best. So that was a little bit part of my anxiety. But I'm like one of those people say, that's a very independent person. Um, I try to do things by myself. And I kind of don't reach out for help if I don't need it. I'm learning a different way. But yeah, so like I said, my anxiety didn't start until I became like, type one. And those doctors were just telling me, you have to lose weight, you have to lose weight. I'm not till this day. I still have like, if I start gaining weight, I still have those doctors in my head and I have to tell myself, this isn't my fault. It is an autoimmune disease. I know you can gain like 1020 pounds here and there. You know, maybe it was like a big barbecue weekend. So I like tons of cake and ice cream and meat and regular soda. And then so I literally have to like don't tell myself all this stuff and like, just be like, you know, just give it another week you'll be okay.

Scott Benner 37:50
Well, that's just because it's gonna stick in my head if I don't ask organized football like for high school, or when you play school football? Yes,

Unknown Speaker 38:00
I did.

Scott Benner 38:01
With position.

Amy 38:03
Tackle garden tighten.

Scott Benner 38:05
No kidding. Nice all fans can catch a ball. And guys, you guys were okay. Like, hitting you. They did you ever like did people ever not?

Amy 38:16
There was like, No, I actually, I don't know, I once you put that helmet on. I don't think they knew who they were up against. But I know a couple guys on my team didn't want me there. And they laid me out during practice. Sometimes I remember the coach yelling at them. But no other than that, like, I I had a blast. I know they say like, being on high school, something that they usually tell boys is something that you're gonna it's like the best time in your life.

And it is. I mean, it was it was amazing. So I'm glad I got it was one of the lifetime things that I do not regret cool.

Scott Benner 39:02
No, I wouldn't think you would regret it. It's just that I keep wondering how much longer I would have to talk to you before you'd say something else that I didn't expect. So because for clarity so far, think about it. You're 28 years old in those 28 years. It sounds like you survived a divorce that wasn't particularly fun for the child. You gained. Your your weight was 365 pounds. You've lost like 160 pounds of it. You found that you had type two diabetes, you didn't have type two diabetes, type one diabetes, you climb polls for a living you like to jump out of airplanes, and you played football in high school. Like, what else don't we know about you?

Amy 39:41
know, everybody says I should be writing a book.

Scott Benner 39:48
What did she just say? And you know, it's I'm trying to figure out you know, oh my god, and you live by the way your your internet connection, flies in and out every once in a while with Don't worry about like, I'm living through it because I'm just like, I'm not telling her that I can't hear you because your voice slows down like, but you live in the like you're in the woods, right? Are you not?

Unknown Speaker 40:10
Yeah. Yeah,

Scott Benner 40:12
yeah, you should get a cable company to bring in a better signal for you.

Amy 40:15
Was it I came in get I get free internet and I can't even get cable to my house. I have to have satellite.

Scott Benner 40:26
If only you knew somebody, alright. boyfriend, you mentioned a boyfriend. How long have you been with this guy that you're with them?

Amy 40:33
This is this is a complicated part of the whole thing. So I actually live with my boyfriend and I live with it. So hold on,

Scott Benner 40:42
hold on. Your voice broke up and we're not losing this. Hold on. Let's get a hold on a second. We're not we're not listening this. Okay. Let's take a breath. You have. Okay. All right. You're still breaking up. I'm trying now. So fast.

Amy 41:00
Wait, hold on. Let me let me walk. Now, am I good?

Scott Benner 41:07
Yeah, stay on the microphone. All right. Okay. You're with your with your boyfriend who you've sounds like you've had for a while.

Amy 41:14
Actually, our one year anniversary is gonna be 20.

Scott Benner 41:18
Okay, so you've been with this guy for a year, but you live with an ex fiance?

Unknown Speaker 41:22
Yep. Okay,

Unknown Speaker 41:24
hold on.

Scott Benner 41:26
Just wait. Does the boyfriend live with you too? Yep. Okay, so you, your boyfriend, your ex fiance live together? Let's keep talking. This might turn into an after dark episode. It's fine. If it does. Are we? Are we like a throttle? No, okay. No. So there's no fun stuff between all three.

Amy 41:46
No. So my pretty much my expense. I just kind of grew out of our sexual interest with each other.

Scott Benner 41:57
By the way, every married person is laughing going. Yeah, me too. But go ahead.

Amy 42:04
So Well, no, he's like my best friend. He has been. We've been pretty much I would say we were dating for about 766 years. And we did get engaged, but we never got married. And it was just it just never happened. I mean, we never were in a financial state to get married. We were always too busy. and stuff like that. And then but he's my best friend to this day. If anything, if I'm having anxiety. That sounds so bad because I have a boyfriend. I'm having anxiety. or something's going wrong. Or, like, we still have our dog something wrong with our dogs. I forgot something, I'll call him. He is literally my best friend. He actually is training my boyfriend how to take care of me. And it's the greatest thing because my boyfriend will call him and be like, what does he like on your pizza? or walk with me like this? Like, like everything or like Amy's like panicking. I don't know what to do. Um, can you come over like, Oh, it's like, this is like before we live together and he's like, can you come over? and stuff like that? So but they get along great. They hang out. So there's nothing they never fought or anything. And it's been a year. So yeah, plenty.

Scott Benner 43:20
Were you with him at all. Wait, the fiance like were you 365 with him? And 200?

Amy 43:26
Yes. So so he's been like with me, like since I got diagnosed, and then he has, he knows my eating disorder. He knows when I'm like, like, my ketones are higher. I'm not feeling good. And he knows when I'm low and like you I don't even have to tell him and he's like, Are you feeling okay? And then he'll just go grab my, oh, he won't look at the CGM. Well, sometimes you will, but he'll go grab my poker also, because you know, sometimes that can be off a little bit, and hold testing and stuff like that. My boyfriend doesn't do that. He's getting there. But don't worry.

Scott Benner 44:00
Your fiance will get your boyfriend trained and then you'll be fine. There's a sentence I never thought I would speak out loud. It's fine. That's that was very first of all, that's incredibly progressive and and I like that you're still friendly with a person who means something to you. And I hear that so you know, that's cool. Did he prefer? I this is such a weird question. But sexually did he prefer you bigger? Or

Amy 44:26
he said he said he loved me in any single way. That's like me anytime. Yeah.

Scott Benner 44:31
Nice. I don't see why you wouldn't. I'm just wondering if like, like now I was like literally thinking like, was there? Like, did he have a fetish? And then he was like you lost weight? And he was like, Oh, no, forget it. Now if you're gonna be 200 pounds, like I'm out on this, but no, you guys were together together like in your minds and your hearts. Gotcha.

Amy 44:51
Yeah, so today like he's my family. Like I really don't really have any family out here. Even though my family's from here, but some have passed. My mom there. Arizona sister doesn't really talk to me because she's up there Bluefin but so I'm pretty much like so he like so we've been through everything like financial struggles on to like me getting diagnosed and other illnesses and stuff like that so like it's so we're tight.

Scott Benner 45:21
Listen, I'm not judging I just didn't expect again did not expect you to say that. Right? So let's, let's find something else to ask you about that you're gonna say something I can't imagine what is your a one c right now?

Amy 45:38
Oh no, I just got back it was a bad day. Actually Was it the front? Yeah, I go the first every month, the first Monday of every month. It was a 15.20 my

Scott Benner 45:53
gosh, okay, so alright, so you have now let's figure this out. Let's figure this.

Unknown Speaker 45:59
Wait, wait, can I tell you what my last agency was? Is it gonna be like four and

Unknown Speaker 46:04
I'm gonna be flipped out there. What was it? Good?

Unknown Speaker 46:06
6.2. You went

Scott Benner 46:08
from 6.2 to 15? Yeah, is that eating cake and soda at a barbecue like that?

Amy 46:15
There's a lot of birthdays.

Scott Benner 46:17
People You know, I've got it's not me.

Unknown Speaker 46:22
But that's

Unknown Speaker 46:23
birthday. So

Scott Benner 46:24
that's super interesting, because that's it. I mean, a fairly massive swing, like from like one quarter to the next. You know how to keep an agency in the sixes like when you had it in the sixes? Was it because of a lot of lows? Or was it you were doing things that were leading to like a stable six?

Amy 46:41
All right, you ready? For another surprise thing?

Scott Benner 46:43
I don't think it's gonna be a surprise at all. But go ahead, whatever you're saying.

Amy 46:46
So when I was pregnant, my sugar stayed at a constant level would mean barely taking an insulin.

Unknown Speaker 46:54
Do you have a kid? How come? I don't know?

Amy 46:56
I do not. That's why. So I actually went, I was 2323 24 weeks, and then I had her. So then after that, things didn't work out, which is okay. I'm kind of a little glad because during my pregnancy, I couldn't take any my pretty much my mental medications, which I was going insane. And I was doing self mutilation again, and I was like, I can't do this. I can't be a mom. And then I was back and forth about having a kid and I was actually really suicidal too. And then I was having pseudo seizures. Which I don't know if you know what those are. Those are the ones Yep, they're not epileptic. I can't say the word. Yeah,

Scott Benner 47:47
I can say epileptic.

Amy 47:51
Yeah. So they're not those seizures. See, the seizures is actually when your mind gets like, a bunch of chemical imbalances in that and it shuts down. So then you have a seizure. So I was having tons of those I wasn't having regular seizures. At the point in my pregnancy, so my life so I couldn't work. I couldn't do anything, even though I'm the kind of person that was kind of cool was pregnant. Some people might not like that, but I like to have a stable income.

Scott Benner 48:20
Climbing. I guess you're pregnant, by the way. So you're, so wait a minute, I and I feel like we're being we're bouncing around from serious to lighthearted, so much. I don't know what to say ever. But you, you the pregnancy ended with a live birth or no,

Amy 48:36
no, no. Okay. All right. I was I was at 24 weeks, and she had a heart condition.

Scott Benner 48:41
Gotcha. I'm sorry, first of all it but I but I hear what you're saying about the the other stuff. So when you're pregnant, you can't take all those medications that are keeping you where you need to be with your anxiety and and all that.

Amy 48:57
Yeah, even if I don't take my anxiety meds, I'm usually I'm pretty good for the day. But you know, every person says, a pregnant lady is not who they really are. Because they're sometimes a monster. I don't

Scott Benner 49:08
know who says that. Amy. I don't say that. Anybody would never hear me say that. My wife was completely normal the entire time. She had children just so you know. That's

Unknown Speaker 49:18
okay. Okay. So

Amy 49:23
so I had like, the extra extra hormones running through me. So everything was just super bad. But my sugar did stay in like the range the whole time with very low insulin. So that's why my last a Wednesday was in the sixth.

Scott Benner 49:40
So this was very recently so this pregnancy is with your boyfriend. Yes. Gotcha. Okay. I'm okay. I'm getting it. So you're making me feel old just in case you're wondering what's going on over here. Like, I just I went to high school and I got out and I was like, that girl seems nice. And then I just, you know, I made a final Yeah, let's go. But you you're having more fun than I did. But, so Okay. So pregnancy wasn't on purpose I'm imagining.

Unknown Speaker 50:11
No, it was.

Scott Benner 50:12
Are we doing stuff now to make sure it doesn't happen again?

Amy 50:16
Yes, I did. I got the ID you IUD Marina IUD.

Scott Benner 50:21
Now I hear that's helpful with blood sugar's actually, because it keeps you know it's finding that because I bought what's been told to me is that that keeps you from me keeps you from having a period is that right?

Unknown Speaker 50:35
Yes. Okay.

Scott Benner 50:36
I know. It's so because there's hormones on it. Maybe it doesn't keep you from having it here. But there's hormones in there. Those

Amy 50:41
keep like after like six months, you shouldn't have it no more, but it does like the hormone thing. I haven't know. I don't know. I learned another thing. While we're on this topic, I, when I was a big girl, I used to never get them. I probably got one a year. Okay, one a year. So I was like, I ain't getting pregnant. Well, wha wha. And so and I lost weight. And then I started getting them regularly, which that means you're more healthy. So I was like, when I started to hate him. I didn't like him. I was like, This is the dumbest crap in the world. I was like, why am I a girl? This is so dumb. I was like, I liked it. When that was like the one positive thing of being a bigger girl. Like I was like, No, no, yeah.

Scott Benner 51:33
It's the worst idea. Like the plant. It's the worst plan. Like it's somebody. Like, I mean, whoever designed it is just, they weren't thinking yeah, there's a better way.

Amy 51:42
Yeah. So I so I was having unprotected sex. So I didn't think anything of it. I really didn't. I was like, it's not gonna happen because I was so used to not getting one and then, and then like, a month went by, and I was like, Oh, that's okay. And then. I really was so yeah, it was July, when it was conceived. I went to the hospital for the August 2, Pregnancy came back. Negative. So I was like, Okay, I'm good. September came around. I went to the hospital again. No, no, it's weird. I didn't even go to hospital. I had an interview somewhere else. And I was like, I kept seeing babies everywhere. And I was like, I should go get a pregnancy test. And I did it. And I was like, oh, and then the first person I called was my ex fiance. I didn't call my boyfriend.

Unknown Speaker 52:44
I was like I

Scott Benner 52:46
said, Listen, I hope you know something about babies, because you're gonna have to teach my boyfriend about it so. Well, I mean, that's Listen, obviously, that's none of those things were intended or went away. I guess anybody would hope for them. But no, but I mean, as long as you I mean, if you take steps moving forward to stop that from happening, you know, and get yourself you know, if you want to have a kid one day, you're you're gonna have to think it through like you're gonna have to have a plan because obviously just you know, hey, here we go isn't gonna work out for you. So yeah, you have to know what you're doing when you want do you think you want kids one day? Or is that

Amy 53:24
still up in the air there's this world is crazy. If I want to raise a kid and at the same time, like even before that, like I was like, open air about it, but like, I think now since I hold her, I was like, I could do this. I can be a mom. I think the next time if I do get pregnant, and I'm like off medications and stuff like that, I will remember that moment. Like, I can do this. And it's actually quite interesting. I'm kind of glad that I kind of went through it because there's so many extra steps a type one diabetic has to do to even before you get pregnant like you're a one sees me to be Ranger sugar not even just your even sees like your sugars need to be like soup, because you can have a 401 day and then like, like, and still have a good day one See, your sugars have to be like in line all the time, even before you get pregnant, like about six months to Have a Healthy Pregnancy throughout. So I'm glad that I know that now because like I have my blood sugar's were a little bit high before that, because my agency was like 10.6. And that was they said that, that could cause heart problems. So so I kinda feel bad. That was my fault that I couldn't bring a beautiful person in this world. But at the same time now I know for next time

Scott Benner 54:40
you really did Oh, right. Like the all that stuff is a little lost. I mean, everybody doesn't get great, you know, information when they're diagnosed, then some people do and some people don't. I don't know that that's anyone's fault. Sometimes it's where you live or the kind of insurance you have. There's all kinds of reasons why, why it varies around I'm going to say something to you don't usually pitch my own show to people. But because you haven't listened, I'm going to give you a link to something. And I'm going to, I'm going to see how interested you are. But there's a grouping of episodes within this podcast. They're called, like, diabetes pro tip. And I think if you listen through them, I don't think your agency will ever be 15. Again. So and it's not about restricting food or anything like that. It's just about understanding how insulin works. And you have the right tools to do it with with a pump and, and that glucose monitor that CGM is is a quality device. So you'll be able to I love it. Yeah, it's been it's really fantastic. So I will, I will give it to you when we're done. I'll send it to you. But it's just diabetes, pro tip calm that way. You don't have to listen to the whole podcast, you can just kind of hit some of that. I think that might be helpful. The, the anxiety part though, it it's involved in everything. And I don't know that people understand that because everybody gets anxious sometimes. But the difference between anxiety that needs to be medicated and not like I now understand better from talking to someone else, that it can hit you out of nowhere and cripple you. Right? And then the pain is just it's massive. And then, you know, prior to I guess the anxiety, medication, everything you were, I didn't understand cutting until someone really explained it to me, but it's that it's a relief in a weird way. Right? And have you done that recently? Or do you not do that any longer? What's the

Amy 56:31
last time I did it was when I was pregnant? Because I was freaking out. So I mean, but before that, I think was about a year and a half ago. Um, yeah. So what I wasn't actually I was getting medicated for my ADHD and a DD. So my doctors like, you know, let's throw these out. And let's try anxiety meds. So that's what we did. And I'm so much better now. Um, the thing is, I think the big part of it is like, even though like you totally understand it, I and then you get to the point where you want to quieten everything. It sucks when you're having an anxiety attack, and then you're getting upset that you're having an anxiety attack, because you're like, this is not the place in time to be doing this right now. So then it just gets even worse. And you're like trying to calm down and you can't really do anything. Like actually, the last panic attack I had was actually a couple weeks ago in Walmart. And I don't know why I think I had a little bit that I was noticing all the shelves, were getting super low again. And it wasn't being explained. Like I don't know how everybody else's world is out here. Like there was no TVs on a shelf. There were some game systems, there was no like food, baby stuff as though everything. And this is only a couple weeks ago, we're kind of coming out of the cold stuff. So I was like, What is going on? And then I actually was walking down an aisle and I said, Oh, what should they eat? And I said she get something healthy. And then it was down like a snack aisle that had all these snacks, it said and that was in my mind saying no, no, no, no to all this food. And I was getting anxious about that. And I literally got into the frozen food aisle squat down and like starts bawling my eyes out. And and I call called my ex fiance and he's like, I don't know what's going on. I am like freaking out right now. And then the Walmart employees helped me and it was a it was it was a whole deal. Like I it was I haven't had one since I was pregnant, even though it was like recently, but it was like earlier in my pregnancy. And it just sucked because i was i was i was good. I was good. And as early as

Scott Benner 58:42
I think that it's it's visual, right? And there are things that you just expect to be there. And then when all of a sudden they're not there and then more and more things disappear. like okay, like in the beginning you think oh, people are hoarding food that makes sense. Toilet paper, like I understand that people are doing that. But when a television disappears, you're like, wait a minute, where are the PlayStations at Little League? Like Wait, wait, why is everything gone? And it feels it could I can see how it would make you feel it because I've had that thought too. I've walked this store and thought Hmm, supply is really low on a lot of things. One of the strangest things is you can't buy a flower pot anywhere. I know that's a weird thing. But you can't find a flower pot. I'm just like, I'm like the duck did COVID-19 hit the flower pot industry extra hard, you know, like, like, you know, very interesting thing, but then I don't have anxiety. So then I just noticed that I move on. But

Amy 59:32
no, so I didn't give me exactly yeah, the one thing I think that did give me anxiety so I'm in a great financial position. I'm really good. I love my job. It's really good. I have a place out in the country. And then so I was like, last four years. I was like mega pool. I'm going to get a pool to pool All right. Finally I have enough money. I just go out by pool whenever I want. I cannot and i and i don't know if any other diabetics are like this. I hate summer. It hurts. I don't know why I since I've been diagnosed, I cannot stand here. Even though I'm outside all day, I'm glad I can go into my air conditioned van when I need to. But like, it bothers my skin like I don't like it I get angry. I know some people just like get angry when they're hot. But it really is a very discomfort feeling past like 78 degrees. So I need like I need like, I was like, I'm going to the pool. So I can just come home and just go in the pool or break before work. And I can't find pool anywhere. And then if you do look for pool, they are price gouged so much like a normal pool that will cost like 350 bucks is like, like almost $1,000 I was like, Nah, not gonna do that. Never do that.

Scott Benner 1:00:43
Well, I have to ask, have you ever had your thyroid checked your thyroid levels.

Amy 1:00:50
So I saw because I seem like that dirt the first Monday of the month. So it was like a week or two ago. Actually, my thyroid wasn't large. My thyroid wasn't large throughout my pregnancy, other doctors that said, Oh, it's because of the pregnancy, after the pregnancy hasn't went down. I actually had an ultrasound on a Monday, Monday. And I have to go get a biopsy now.

Scott Benner 1:01:15
Okay, and have them just keep on top of that, because an inability to regulate your hot and cold could be from thyroid, thyroid autoimmune, like type one. Diabetes is not uncommon for a person that have type one diabetes and a thyroid issue. So check into that. Because maybe that that might help you with some of the other with some of the other stuff, especially with the heat. And I know that both my wife and my daughter have hypothyroidism. So there are nights when I get in bed, like I bought my wife one year as a Christmas present a ceiling fan that runs so fast that it's like a jet engine and my children as I'm wrapping it, my kids were like, you're getting mommy ceiling fan for Christmas. And she's not going to like that as a gift. And I was like, No, you don't understand mom's gonna love this. And so it, it this thing, just it makes a turbine of air that it cools the air in the room to the point where sometimes it's hitting me in the face, and I'm like, I can't breathe. And I look over and I look over at her and she's so happy. She's like, it's nice, just nice and temperate in here. And I'm like is it because I'm freezing my nipples feel like they're gonna fall off.

Amy 1:02:24
I love the cold everybody hate later on the gold bar drops so hard when it's cold is a little harder. But I will I will take the cold any day of the week, then

Scott Benner 1:02:34
levels check while they're doing this other work on you and keep taking good care of yourself like that. That's I mean, in the end, that really is going to be your pathway to to everything. I don't know. I don't know if that the anxiety. Listen to my opinion, the anxiety should be treated as much with medication as it should be with therapy. I don't know how available therapy is to you. But like there's So here

Amy 1:02:56
it's it's horrible.

Scott Benner 1:02:59
That bird behind you or something like that

Amy 1:03:01
I that's it out in the woods is pretty much as good as talking to anybody in this town. Yeah, honestly, do they I even had a therapist out here say that the health, the mental health care system out here sucks. That's how bad it

Scott Benner 1:03:14
so here's an idea. Maybe you could do telemedicine with a therapist that's not in your area.

Amy 1:03:21
I have to write because not a bad idea. Because if you

Scott Benner 1:03:26
could find ways to lessen your anxiety aside of medication, that might be a big deal for you, you know, because I'm going back to the Walmart story. And I'm hearing that like, and you said something prior to that, that I didn't want to skip over which is you have an anxiety attack. And then not only are you anxious about the thing that made you anxious, you're now anxious about being anxious. Yeah, that's screwed up. Like that's not a big deal to me. Like that's difficult in a way that people won't understand if they don't go through it. And I didn't previously understand either, but now you're now it's just coming at you from both sides. And what are you doing? You're telling yourself Don't be anxious. That's not a plan.

Amy 1:04:08
There's a I've learned DBT skills.

Scott Benner 1:04:11
Tell me about that. What does that stand for? You want me to look it up because I just lost your audio anyways. Let your audio come back and I'll figure it out.

Unknown Speaker 1:04:23
Is it back?

Scott Benner 1:04:24
Yeah, you're back mindfulness. distress tolerance. mindfulness can go a long way but isn't always enough. Die.

Amy 1:04:32
Yeah, diet to diet.

Scott Benner 1:04:36
therapy. Why? Why do things have to have? Why can't they just say DBT and let it be. DBT refers to dialectical behavioral therapy. It's an approach to therapy that can help you learn to cope with difficult emotions. Today it's used for eating disorders self harm, depression, substance use disorders at its core DBT helps people build For major skills, mindfulness, distress, tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, emotional regulation, it's helping

Amy 1:05:09
sometimes. So there's like different things like grounding. Like if you put your hands on your legs while you're doing stuff take deep breathing talent. There's another one that I don't know what it is. But it's like you see two things smell one thing, see a color and something else and just focus on those people. Put your mind somewhere else. Um, I can't Brown, I tend to kind of dig into myself a lot on so I can't do that. Breathing is my biggest thing I try to breathe on that day at Walmart. Even prior to that day I was having. I was very anxious the whole day. So I was trying to breathe through the day. And it just moment just made it worse. So just so I learned that and I even like go to see these other doctors because it's, it literally has learned he took me about five years to see a psychologist. Pretty sure that someone that's prescribing medication. And this is actually

Unknown Speaker 1:06:05
prescribed. Yeah.

Amy 1:06:06
Yeah. So it took me about five years in this area to find one, even after I got out of the eating disorder treatment center. And she was like, I can't help you. You need to get control. You're eating the server's Well, a little bit. I, you know, I, I know. She was like, I can't help you. Control your eating disorder papers. If your primary peers like I'm doing your medication, just have him do it. And he doesn't feel comfortable with it. Especially he does also this substance abuse. So anything that is a narcotic, he doesn't want to give me so that's kind of hard. And it like I said, it took me five years to find somebody to talk to them for the first time for an hour to tell me that they could not help me. And I've had a couple doctors tell me that and that I cried that day. And I was I was I was kind of a little bit suicidal that day, I was like, I can't do this. I'm never going to be fixed. I said, Nobody can help me, bla bla, bla. And even like, there's a point where my medication I get to the point where I can tolerate them. And then my anxiety gets a little worse. And then I notice it and then I'm like, I get anxious because I don't my doctor is like, well, maybe you should just deal with your anxiety a little bit. And I don't like that because once my anxiety starts a little bit, I don't want to go to that dark rabbit hole, which scares me, which causes me anxiety. So I don't want to go there. I was very suicidal. I actually tried to do suicide with my insolence several times. And luckily, my ex fiance knows how to use Google gone and forced me sugar things while I'm like almost passed out, so

Scott Benner 1:07:52
and what and that feeling of being suicidal, it's just that idea like, this is never all gonna be okay. Like I can't Yeah,

Amy 1:07:58
like I'm never gonna be fixed. Like, I'm like, there's a there's like, now I'm good. I like, Alright, we're medications are doing pretty good, we're good. My doctors following up with me more, I see him about at least every four weeks now to make sure that everything's good. Um, so it was good. But between, like, I don't know, like, I thought every, like, nothing was going good. Like, I was having a hard time. Even if I like, was struggling at work. Or just like most of it was because I my head wasn't straight. And I have been trying for years like I've been on medication since I was a kid. And I've been trying for years to get my head straight to the point where everything is okay. And I it's it sucks because this area sucks in mental health. I had a good time getting to where I wanted to be when I was out in Minnesota. My doctor wants me to go back out there and so that was my boyfriend and the next day but I did say I've been doing good and in the last year so I'm pretty good but I just want

Scott Benner 1:09:02
you had Karen Minnesota that was better for you you think Yeah.

Amy 1:09:05
Oh dude. So there was actually eating disorder treatment out here to the point you gotta walk to the facility they have like housing for you. You had to walk to the facility that was like a block away. No, sorry, not block away, like eight blocks away. And even if it was in the middle of winter, which it gets like negative degrees out here. So you had to walk there, then you're there and then they had this eating thing and I noticed a lot of eating disorder clinics don't treat all eating disorders they usually just focus on anorexia and that's that sucks because I they give you a piece of paper where you had to eat Yeah, they eat this many fats this many this and this many that. The thing is, is I didn't have a problem eating and I think a lot of type ones like that have died, believe me and stuff like that. A lot of us love it that we can eat anything we want and lose weight at the same time. So literally When it came to eat, I was fine. I eat whatever I want. But the thing is, is then it got to the point I remember I was on the couch, it was like a break time I was on the couch, and I did not feel well. And I did have my pump on me. And I like, literally rolled to the floor, and I thought I was gonna die. And I took some insulin. And then I remember the next morning was, I had a walkover and and I my ketones are super high. And neighbors sent me to the emergency room. And I said, No, I'm fine. And then they told me if you don't take your insulin that we're going to have to kick you out. And I'm like, this is why I'm here. I'm struggling to take my insulin because of fear of weight gain and stuff. And you're telling me that if I don't take it, you're gonna kick me out. So actually reached out to the diet, believe me on page, and I called them and they actually found a place with my insurance and stuff, and they got me to Minnesota, the only thing to do is find a way to get there and I got there. And that place was amazing. They have a special group for diabetic patients with eating disorders. And they have a mental health care, and they do so much like it's it was the greatest waste, like I couldn't ask for better treatment than any anywhere else. And with that said, like they had nurses that give you your insulin, and if even if you didn't want to take it all, they would talk to you about it to get you to take it. So it was it was like it was it was a really good treatment to the point where I was taking my insulin again. Um, so that was that was in the eating thing. It still went towards the people who had anorexia, who are anorexic, and I ate. So I don't know if anybody else but I heard a lot of people who restrict your insulin and then go back on insulin, they turn into a garbage can like they will eat anything and everything in their sight that that they can eat. Because for some reasons, like your body, start your body for so much. And now it can take all that although carbs that it can take that you've been like not giving it. And

Scott Benner 1:12:16
so you don't gain a lot of weight right away by re No. And using your hands.

Amy 1:12:21
No, I did I know. But you turn into a garbage fan like I wanted. Rise, I wanted this, I wanted pizza and it got to the point. So I got to the point where we were all eating around a table we all eat together. And then I got to a point where when I got done with my plate, I still wanted more. So that wasn't normal, so that I was considered an overeater at that point. So it got to the point where they're like, okay, so one through 10 How do you feel sevens where you want to feel 10? Is that your point that you feel like you're at a bus. So it actually got to the point where I was there and I had to tell myself to stop eating. Because for some reason, I don't know if you ever, like you know how you get like a chocolate bar, you're like, Oh, we just got a little piece. And now you want the whole thing. So if I went past that part of eating over that seven, like I already ate, I had like a balanced meal. I would eat, eat that one little bite. And I was like, Alright, let's just finish it. So though I had did come into a conflict, what we're all eating. And my therapist said, we'll talk to everybody there. And when you get to seven, you can stop eating. And remember, this girl said no, you can't stop eating. And I was like I was told to you that I can. And she's like, No, you have to eat our food. And just run you already ate my portion size. Like I already ate more than enough. And, but they only look at the people who didn't want to eat, who didn't want to touch your food, who was a fearful of her food to the point where I just wanted to do this. And I remember I shut down for like three days. Like I shot right down. Everybody's like me, you're not acting normal, like what's going on? Like, I was quiet. I was like, Okay, I'm not gonna eat no more. I was like telling myself just become anorexic. But I did work through it. And then they recognize that and it was it was good thing. But I think you have to be careful when you go to some places because they're not gonna focus on what your true eating disorder is, especially one that has to do with diabetes. But they did really well out there. So

Scott Benner 1:14:23
Well, I think that it sounds to me at least like you should find, even if it has to be through telemedicine, like find somebody who's better equipped to help you in your local your local area, that person doesn't exist. I still think it's good for you to have somebody to talk to because it sounds like it went much better and you are in a good place there. And this is obviously a maintenance thing. It's not going to right it's not going to go away on its own out of nowhere, like you're gonna have to maintain and maintain and is that the goal to like someday? Like I wonder what that did they ever excuse me Did they ever share with you what your goal should be like what it is you're trying to get to?

Unknown Speaker 1:15:05
Like a weight goal?

Scott Benner 1:15:06
No, like a, like a psychological goal, like,

Amy 1:15:10
yeah, you should be happy with yourself. And that's pretty much it. But there's days and I and I know everybody strolls. And my boyfriend didn't really understand it a lot, because he didn't understand suicidal. And I don't think a lot of people do. And I still I still, that's why I'm really open to it. So when people ask me about my cut marks, I tell them about it. And some people are like, Oh, why don't you cover them up? And I'm like, because I want to tell them my story. I want them to be educated about the same thing with my CGM on my phone, like you asked me about it, I'm gonna tell you about it. And my boyfriend's like, oh, people get down all the time. And I used to not believe in depression at all. I really didn't. I just thought somebody had a million dollars, maybe fine. That'd be okay. You know, if they had their family around them the whole time, if they had what they truly wanted the whole time, they'd be fine. No, it really I remember, I was crying one day, and I didn't know why. And Dylan, like ex fiance, was like, This is depression. And I said, I don't know why he's like, this is it. And then I realized, okay, I'm depressed, I need to get this treated. Like I didn't want to take medication for I didn't, because I felt like if I did take medication for it, that meant that I was sick, I was sick. And I wasn't like everybody else. And I and I, I'm glad that a lot of people are speaking out from this from like, celebrities all the way down to just me to say that it's just a chemical imbalance in your brain, it has nothing of being like a sick person, you're just, it's just like, somebody being diabetic, something doesn't work, you have to take medication for it, it's not making you any different than what you are. Hey, so I actually

Scott Benner 1:16:52
think that's a perfect way to end this too. Because I, I've been struggling for how to bring this to a close and, and I think that's exactly right. Just, you know, do what you need to do to live your life. And don't you're not, you know, if your pancreas doesn't work, your pancreas doesn't work if you know, and whatever else comes along, but I completely agree with you. Depression, anxiety, those things from the outside can be looked at, like they're, you know, like, oh, they're just crazy. But that's just the case. You know, it's, it's, it's very simple. Like you said, there's an imbalance of chemicals that lead you to feel more strongly about empty shelves, and I felt about them. And yeah, and I think a lot of us, you know, in regular everyday life prior to COVID-19, specifically, our lives were pretty comfortable. Like we had a, you know, it happened in a certain way I get up, I do this thing, like I have coping mechanisms. And now all of a sudden, those coping mechanisms are shot. And visually, everything seems different. And you're seeing people reacting to these things differently. And you're right, somebody has to share what's happening to them. So someone else knows. Otherwise, they're gonna think they're crazy and not just know that there's help to be had. So yeah, I appreciate you doing this very much, especially because you don't listen to Why are you following me on Instagram, by the way,

Amy 1:18:16
because I follow other type one diabetics on Instagram. And then you came up a lot. So I was like, Okay, I'll follow this. And I was gonna listen to podcasts. I'm a very busy person.

Scott Benner 1:18:29
You got to play football. You got to talk to Paul.

Amy 1:18:37
Meaning to like, there's like other podcasts that I've been meaning to listen to. And I just don't get around to it. Yeah, this

Scott Benner 1:18:43
is the one Don't worry about the other ones. Well, I really appreciate you doing this. I want to thank you. And I'm going to stop for a second stop recording you because I want to share with you, you know, what I think might help you a little bit. So and I've mentioned it here already, but I want to make sure you have the information. So thank you very much for doing this. I really appreciate it. It

Unknown Speaker 1:19:06
was a pleasure. Oh, thank

Scott Benner 1:19:07
you. For me as well. You really are delightful. I hope nothing but the best for you because I think you deserve it. And not that everybody doesn't. But you've come a long way and I you know, I'd hate to see it. I hate to see it not finished for you. Like I think there's whatever it is you think finishing is. I hope you get to it. I really do.

Unknown Speaker 1:19:30
So looking for that.

Scott Benner 1:19:31
I hope you find it. A huge thank you to one of today's sponsors, g Vogue, glucagon, find out more about chivo chi Bo pen at G Vogue glucagon.com forward slash juice box. you spell that GVOKEGL Uc ag o n.com forward slash Juicebox Podcast To learn more about the Contour Next One blood glucose meter, check them out at Contour Next one.com forward slash juicebox. super accurate meter, incredibly easy to use and carry, really, really, really take a minute to look at it. The website has a ton of stuff, including links to their test trip program, and you may even be eligible for a free meter. I want to thank Amy for coming on the show and for being so incredibly honest. And for just going with it and continuing to tell our story after it became obvious that I didn't even understand a tiny bit about her when I asked her on the show. I really sincerely thought I was just asking somebody who had an incredible weight loss to come on and talk about it. I did not know where any of this was going to go. Thank you so much for listening. If you're enjoying the show, please give it a great rating and review on Apple podcast. Tell a friend, subscribe in your podcast player, support the sponsors. Whatever you can do. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas. But there are more shows coming in 2020 this show does not stop still coming. A great chat I had with Jenny that kind of rounded out the year we just sort of sat down and talked. I have a defining diabetes coming. And I just recorded a show that I think I'm going to launch 2021 with that was really spectacular. I'm super excited to keep bringing you the show. I appreciate everyone's support. I'll talk to you soon.

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